The long-awaited video (seriously, it took a whole day — that’s like a lifetime in the blogosphere) of Jessica Simpson running off-stage at the Kennedy Center Awards has at last arrived. [MollyGood]

Reverend Jesse Jackson is urging the public to boycott Seinfeld DVDs after star Michael Richards’ much-publicized racist rant reportedly prompted a spike in DVD sales for the show. My guess is the thought process surrounding most of these purchases went more along the lines of “Oh, hey, I forgot about Kramer. Man, Seinfeld sure was funny. Those DVDs would make a great Christmas gift,” and less along the lines of “You mean that Kramer guy’s a racist? Oh, now I’ll buy the DVDs.” A Jason Alexander crotch shot probably would have had a similar impact. But whatever. [CelebSlam]

Beyonce Knowles and Jennifer Hudson are supposedly having some manner of non-feud regarding who upstaged whom in Dreamgirls. I’m not sure if I believe it less than I care, or vice versa. [TMZ]

Porn star Kendra Jade knows words like “disheartened,” “inevitable,” and “salacious.” That or her publicist does. Either way, she didn’t sleep with K-Fed. She has standards. [JordanIsYourHomeboy]

Sandra Bullock is either pregnant or she isn’t. [Celebrity Smack]

I was reading this article on Dutch television when it occurred to me how crappy our TV standards are. Someone shows a nipple around this country and people go fucking bonkers but over there in the Netherlands they have “prostate milking” right on the tube! Seriously.

Here are a few excerpts so you don’t actually have to leave the sanctuary that is EB.

Another show raising eyebrows is “Spuiten en Slikken” (Shooting and Swallowing), on which every sexual persuasion can be found. It broadcasts on the youth-oriented public broadcaster BNN, currently the most risque station in Holland.

Youth-oriented! I mean, it’s not like Skinemax, it’s right there for the kids. Too sexual? How about this:

“Patty’s Fort,” which aired in 2004 on RTL, saw minor Dutch celebs led by former pop singer Patty Brard gather for a colonic irrigation session in a health spa, with the scatological results shown to the audience.

Tell me you wouldn’t tune in to see colonic irrigation sessions. C’mon, just say you wouldn’t. Liar.

In 1967, broadcaster VPRO caused a worldwide sensation by showing a nude model for the first time on national TV, shown reading a Christian newspaper.

This was in 19 Godamn 67!! And it was an ironic shot too! Man I hate puritanical types. The Dutch have all the fun. The article ends with:

Is there a limit to what is possible on Dutch television? Apparently so. Reality TV pioneer Endemol last year tried to launch a sperm donor show in which a woman would select the father for her baby in front of the camera. The enormous public outcry about the project prompted Endemol to ax the program before it reached the airwaves.

Well that’s just lame. Why couldn’t she choose the father? What’s so nasty about that? Maybe I’m missing something. Anyway, write your congressmen and tell him the FCC are dirty whores.

So T.R. Knight (O’Malley, Grey’s Anatomy) and Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie, Doogie) made an appearance at a gay themed charity last night. The charity was a suicide hotline for gay youth, and although I’m not sure what’s different about talking gay folk down from the ledge I fully respect this portion of the story. I’m down with any hotline actually; hell even the one on the back of my conditioner bottle can be helpful when I need someone to talk to. So no issues there.

Sadly, while reading this and feeling generally great about hotlines I stumbled upon:

“(Doogie) Harris explained that his “highly paid PR firm” had advised him to “lay low for a while.”

Man, I don’t know who your PR firm is but they suck very hard indeed. Lay low for a while?? If you lay any lower you’re going to be getting pancakes for me around 3am at my local IHOP.

Let me break this down for you NPH. No one watches your show, the one with “mother” in the title. Anyone who remembers you knows you as Doogie from a show you did over a decade ago. You were in Starship Troopers for God’s sake! Do I have to slap you upside the head for you to see the light? Your career is not on the path to superstardom, maybe it’s time to shake things up a little, eh?

My point is that as a lame teen actor you are a dime a dozen. No one needs it. Now as a lame teen actor who is also gay… well, you might be able to get a few more years out of that.

Anyway. Rant over.

When are we opening the EvilBeet PR firm?

In one of the strangest stories I’ve seen recently, Lane Garrison, who plays Tweener on Prison Break, was involved in a fatal car crash Saturday night in Beverly Hills. Garrison was behind the wheel of his Land Rover when it lost control and crashed into a tree, killing one of the passengers, a 17-year-old boy. Also in the car were two 15-year-old girls, one of whom is still in critical condition at Cedars Sinai. Beverly Hills police say Garrison, who was taken to a hospital and released, displayed “symptoms of alcohol intoxication.”

Not to take away from the tragedy of this, but this story gets weird. First of all, Garrison is 26 years old. So what on earth was he doing with three teenagers — including two 15-year-old girls — in his car? His lawyer says Garrison had never met the teenagers before. They met him in a supermarket that day, recognized him, and asked him if he wanted to go to a party. Garrison apparently not only agreed to go to the party, but took the teenagers in his car with him? Vincent Chase what?

Later — according to this lawyer guy — Lane was leaving the party to meet a woman at his apartment, and the teenagers asked to accompany him. Lane agreed, and they all piled into his car and headed for disaster.

What?? Is this what passes for spin control these days? Let me get this straight — an attractive 26-year-old actor on a successful TV show opts to spend his Saturday night at a house party with a bunch of teenagers, and then, as he’s heading home for his booty call, agrees to take the teenagers with him? No, sir, nothing out of the ordinary here. R. Kelly does it all the time.

Then there’s the matter of the booze. According to the lawyer, Lane had a total of two drinks that evening, but — and this is my favorite part — “Who knows if someone put something in his drink at the party.” Yes, that must be it. The cheerleading squad was planning a rape. They did that at my high school sometimes, too. We had to have a special assembly to discuss the cheerleading-squad-planting-roofies-in-drinks issue. Poor guy.

Lane is reportedly “despondent” over all this. And he should be, since he’ll probably soon be moving from Prison Break to prison. We barely knew ye, kiddo.