I’ll never be as good as the Beet but I feel obligated to satiate your potent Idol thirst.

Chris Sligh says his comments weren’t meant as disrespectful. I get what he’s saying, going after Simon’s producing credits is meant more as a love note. Idiot.

So they got rid the Asian, that’s poor form, and Antonella seemed to know she was done, she had that glazed look in her eye, and yet she survived.

Amy got eliminated. Was she on the show? Oh yeah, the “I can’t make you love me” girl. That’s one of the worst songs ever, especially for stalkers. You CAN make someone love you, keep that dream alive.

Which of these things is not like the other? Kelly Clarkson. Carrie Underwood. Fantasia Barrino. The good news is after she’s done doing Broadway she can finally get back to writing novels (which has always been her real strength).

Alaina is safe! I don’t know why, but I’m crushing. Nicole goes home which is good. I had an ex named Nicole.

Rudy gets thrown off and Paula says “I think Rudy has one of the best vocals.” She clearly didn’t watch the show or ever speak English.

Oh no, Paul Kim said this was his last shot at music!! What about the shower bud?

I’ve always admired the fact that the departees sing because I’d throw my microphone down and say “fuck y’all, I ain’t your dancin’ monkey.” Clearly I’d be really southern in my version. Rudy doesn’t even get to finish his song on my TiVo version. Don’t worry man, call me and I’ll have you over to sing the last minute for me and my friends. I’ll even throw ya a $20 for your trouble.

The kid mauls “Free Ride” (again) and our 2.5 hour Idol journey is mercifully over for the week. Boo to the yeah.

I dunno, to me this looks like it could be a cigarette, but the paps over at Flynet seem pretty sure it was weed. And, hey, they were there. There’s no doubt this chick gets high (I mean, you kind of have to be stoned 24-7 to date Cisco Adler), but you’d think she’d know better than to smoke weed in the driver’s seat of her car in broad daylight, especially with her sister having just checked into rehab and BFF Nicole Richie’s recent DUI drama. But I guess no one really does that sucking-in thing with their cheeks when they’re just smoking a cigarette. But who the hell holds a joint like that? What do you guys think? What is Mischa smoking?

Britney Spears’ mother, Lynne Spears, was spotted entering Kevin Federline’s Malibu home around 1:30 pm on Thursday, and was there until at least 10 pm. What’s up with that? They’re probably talking about what the hell to do about Britney, and I suppose it’s possible that there’s an agreement in place allowing Lynne to spend time with the kids while Brit’s in rehab. Actually, that’s probably the only reason Britney agreed to go back to rehab.

It was my understanding originally that Britney left Promises, and then Kevin filed for custody of the kids. But it’s starting to sound like Kevin filed for custody of the kids while Britney was at Promises (the first time), and when she heard about it, she checked out to try to fight for her kids.

Her father, Jamie, was quoted as saying, “We have a sick little girl. We’re just trying to take care of her.”

Hey, what’s up with Lynne Spears wearing a ring? Britney’s parents divorced a few years ago, and I can’t find any record of Lynne remarrying. Did I miss this?

Anyway, Britney, congratulations on your first 24 hours in rehab! Hang in there, baby!!!

Prince Harry has officially been deployed to Iraq, where his Nazi garb should go over particularly well. [A Socialite's Life]

Rumor has it Jennifer Lopez will be performing on American Idol in April. [IBBB]

Wow, even a wax version of Rachael Ray annoys me. [Agent Bedhead]

Nick Cannon marries a Victoria’s Secret model he started dating three weeks ago. In Vegas. Oh, like you wouldn’t. [Cele|bitchy]

The Britney “Shears” Photoshop contest. Seriously, some goddamn genius made a Smashing Pumpkins call. A must-see. [Stereogum]

That bothersome buzzing noise coming from the outer edges of the blogosphere is Kim Kardashian, still fucking talking about a sex tape that has nothing to do with Britney Spears or Anna Nicole. [Warship]

The video of the Judge Seidlin Show pilot Anna Nicole Smith verdict. [Ninja Dude]

Larry Birkhead claims that Anna Nicole miscarried a child by him in 2005. Additionally, he asserts that Princess Di used to send him naked pictures of herself, that Dana Plato planned to tattoo his face on her ass, and that there is an invisible purple elephant doing the Macarena in the middle of the room right now. Go ahead, prove him wrong. [INO]

Not that anyone asked for my opinion, but, based on this picture, I think this girl has several healthy toddlers living in her breasts. And when they’re done using the space, several adult men plan to rent it for polo matches. In her tummy, though? I’ve got no idea. Neither does anyone else.

Christina Aguilera is not pregnant, the singer’s rep tells Usmagazine.com.

The statement was issued in response to magazine and newspaper reports published Wednesday claiming that the 26-year-old is expecting a child.

“It’s all made up,” the rep tells Us.

An employee at the Beverly Hills kids boutique Bellini told the New York Daily News that Aguilera and her husband of more than a year, Jordan Bratman, went on a $3,000 shopping spree at the store on Saturday where she confided that she’s having a baby.

“They seemed really excited,” a worker at the boutique told the Daily News.

“She was talking to [another customer] and she said she took a home pregnancy test and that it was positive. She kept saying they’d have to come back when they knew the sex of the baby.”

However, Xtina’s rep says that the employee needs to get her eyes checked because the singer was 50,000 feet in the air at the time of the supposed sighting.

“She was not at Bellini. She was on a plane to Las Vegas for the NBA appearance.”

[source]