Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen had a huge opening — huge.  Over five days, it pulled in $387.3M worldwide and $201M domestically.  It has now clinched second place of best movie five-day gross tally, only eclipsed by Dark Knight.

Over the weekend, Transformers pulled in $112M with The Proposal and The Hangover rounding out the top three movies earning $18M and $17M, respectively.

The only other movie that opened this weekend, and how unfortunate to have to open up against any testosterone flick like Transformers, was the ever-depressing My Sister’s Keeper which earned $12M.

Let’s celebrate some happy news!  This weekend, Eddie Van Halen put on his best flip-flops and married his girlfriend of three years, Janie Liszewski.

The couple served non-alcoholic drinks as a nod to Eddie’s 18 months of sobriety and also had offerings such as mini-corn dogs and wax lips on the menu.  Wax Lips on the Menu — if that isn’t a song title, I don’t know what is.

One hundred guests attended, including Van Halen’s ex-wife, Valerie Bertinelli and their son Wolfgang who served as best man.

Best of luck to Eddie and his new bride!

Many of you didn’t appreciate my Heeeeeeerrrrreeeee’s Heaven! post about Ed McMahon — and I maintain that it was a stroke of comedic whimsy — but at least I didn’t slap on some Jheri curl, dress up like Michael Jackson, and moonwalk onto stage the way Jamie Foxx did on the BET Awards last night.  Tacky and disrespectful, right?

Also, in a time where we are trying to all come together, Jamie Foxx speaks of MJ as someone who belonged to “us” — the African American community — and that they decided to share him with everyone else.  Glad to see racism is alive and well in America.

 You just can’t judge how people deal with their grief, I guess.  Joe Jackson, father of Michael, appeared at the BET Awards last night and was happy to let everyone know that the Jackson family is doing fine — great, actually.  This CNN interview reminded me of one of those old SNL skits. 

My modern-day re-write:

CNN:  “Joe, I know the past few days have been tough.”   

Joe:    “Uh?  Tough.  Yeah, tough.  That’s the ticket!”

CNN:  “The circumstances surrounding Michael’s death have been tragic.”

Joe:     “Tragic?  But I have a new production company! (Lawyer whispers in his ear)  Oh, yes, it’s very tragic.  But we’re all doin’ great!”

At the three-minute mark, Joe gets across the message that seems to be closest to his heart.  He announces hisnew record label, Ranch Records — distributed with Blu-Ray technology, guys! — and takes time to mention that his recent wedding anniversary is the first that Michael ever showed up for.

After the jump, Janet’s short but decidedly more heartfelt tribute to her brother. 

Jump in »

It’s been a rough couple of weeks.

In my own little world, I’ve had migraines all week and spent over two hours yesterday waiting for a tow truck on the side of the interstate.

In a broader sense, people in Iran are dying in the streets while protesting for the right to have their votes counted, celebrities are dropping like flies in a little league baseball game, and the president of Honduras was overthrown yesterday while I was busy posting pictures of Katy Perry naked in a bathtub with a pizza.

A commenter on this site once said that he or she comes here to read about lighthearted celebrity gossip, not because they’re trying to ignore the problems of the world, but because sometimes you just need a break from worrying incessantly about the often fetid state of mankind. He or she called this site and its posts a “balm for the brain”– a place where you could go to read about something not-so-serious that would give you a chuckle, or maybe even give your spirits a nice little schadenfreudian kick in the pants; Because no matter how bad things might get, at least you are not Lindsay Lohan.

I feel like the wholesome, snarky peacefulness of our little world of celebrity fluff has been rocked in the past few weeks by so many deaths and the sad and serious consideration they must be given.

So, in the interest of everyone’s mental health, I offer up this extra post with videos of ridiculously cute animals doing ridiculously cute things– pikachu-looking bunny rabbit things gathering flowers, cats flushing toilets, a tiny cartoonish mouse with old man whiskers falling over while it washes its face, and a tiny little kitteh with floofy legs squeaking and just being generally adorable .

Watch them, and if you’ve still got something you need to get off your chest about recent events, feel free to vent in the comments; sometimes you just need someone to listen while you bitch.

I’d like to wish all of you health and happiness, and to implore you– in motivational office poster parlance– to “hang in there.” For those of us in the U.S., we’ve got a three day weekend coming up where we can get drunk by the pool and explode things to celebrate the wondrous birth of our great nation.

And all of us should take heart. We can’t possibly have any many more celebrity deaths or horrible news items on the way… right? We’ve met our quota.

Take care! I’ll see you in a few weekends!

Star of ABC’s Ugly Betty, Ana Ortiz, and her husband Noah Lebenzon welcomed their first child this Saturday, a little girl they’ve named Paloma Louise Lebenzon.

Ana had been due this past Thursday, but the little tooter wasn’t ready to enter the world until 4:25 p.m. yesterday.

Paloma weighed in at a healthy 7 lbs., 10 oz., and both mother and baby are doing fine.

Michael Jackson’s ex-wife and mother of his children, Debbie Rowe, is speaking out on a lot of topics now that M.J. has passed, and almost none of what she has to say is very pleasant. Amongst other revelations, she confirms that their marriage was a sham, says that Michael did not father the children, and claims they never bumped uglies. Unless you count accidental head-bumping, and in their case, I would.

“He wanted to pretend that we were a family. But we never lived together as a couple. We never had sex. He was on the road, doing his thing. “He never wanted to live with me. That’s why he bought me a house. There was always ‘my house’ and ‘his house’, never ‘our house’. “We would jump in bed together and read magazines and watch movies, with all the animals around us before the kids were involved. We used to hang out with each other. “But that was his life. That’s Michael. That was what it was like.”

“I was comfortable with him. I offered him my womb. I was just the vessel. It wasn’t Michael’s sperm.

We were close enough that I knew I could offer him that, so I did. It was a gift. “But after the second birth had so many problems, he knew I couldn’t have kids any more. He didn’t want anything to do with me. He took the kids. The settlement was written up, and he just wanted me to be quiet.”

She also says that she does not want custody of the two children she birthed for Michael while they were married– 12-year-old Michael Joseph “Prince” Jackson Jr., and 11-year-old Paris Michael Katherine Jackson.

“I was never a good mother, I never felt any attachment to them. It was a better feeling giving them to him than it was keeping them as my own. “I know I will never see them again. I was never cut out to be a mother - I was no good. I don’t want these children in my life. My children are my animals now.”

Michael’s third child, Prince Michael II Jackson– also known as “Blanket”– was birthed by an unnamed surrogate who has no parental rights.

Jackson’s mother. Katherine, is expected to sue for custody of the children. But Rowe claims that if anything ever happened to him, Jackson wanted the children to be raised by their longtime nanny, Grace Rwaramba.

What a mess.