not that we were but we are now.  Four Christmases was the number one movie this weekend with $18.2M in ticket sales.  Part of this is due to the fact that there was only one other full release this week which was Punisher: War Zone which brought in $4M.  Also, Ron Howard’s Frost/Nixon only released in three theaters and came up with an average of $60,049 a cinema versus Four Christmases $5,541.  So it comforts me to know that Four Christmases is number one because there was nothing else to watch instead of because Vince Vaughn’s performance has put him in Academy Award contention or something equally as horrifying. 

Twilight had $13.2M in sales, Bolt came it at $9.7M and Australia at $7M. 

To summarize, box office revenues are up 6% this year because ticket prices are up but attendance is down 4% because, to reiterate, Four Christmases is the only thing playing.

I’m adopting a new rule with my friends.  Don’t even talk to me if there isn’t an atomizer/dusting powder gift set with your name on it at my local Macy’s.  You are nothing without your own fragrance line. 

And I am aware I’m fixating at this point but this is my puppy cam.  Knowing that Fancy (Jessica Simpson’s newest), is supposed to be representative of things she likes, what do you think it smells like?  I’m thinking hot dogs with half-notes of barbecue.

Simon Cowell has always been a hero of mine.  I think my love for himstarted a few years back when he said Beyonce wasn’t a good singer, didn’t have a good body and that he found her fame mystifying.  But now Beyonce is performing on December 13th’s episode of X Factor and they are all friendly.  Sellout.

But he redeemed himself a bit this week in an Access Hollywood interview.  When asked about the addition of the newest American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi:

You know what, it’s like when you’ve had dinner with three friends for years and now someone else joins the table — it’s a bit odd.  That’s what it was like at the beginning. I genuinely couldn’t make up my mind whether I liked it or not. And then, when she was doing the Hollywood round she started to grow on me and I think she’s ballsy.

When asked if Kara and Paula were walking on eggshells around one another during Hollywood Week:

A little bit, but you know what it’s like… — when you work with other people you never want the people that you work with to do well.  You don’t.  It’s just not in your human nature to want that.

Regarding the success of the other American Idol judges:

If I read about their deals, I’m not exactly opening bottles of champagne in joy because something good is happening in their lives.  I’m not like that and trust me, they’re not doing the same for me.

On how Simon has made the world a more beautiful place:

She’s looking better and I really mean this — I think I have made her look better, and I’m not kidding here… Physically [she] definitely looks better since she’s been working with me.  I think she just got to terms with the way I like people to look and I think she changed her wardrobe, her hair, because she heard me saying, ‘I like this’ and ‘I like that,’ so I definitely had a positive affect on the way that she looks.

Then I realized during the Hollywood round, she’s actually quite funny.  I think she knows what she’s talking about, so she’s growing on me… She’s quite hot now actually. But I promise you, you’ll see the difference. She looks better now.

I love how he’s just like “Yeah, I don’t really want others to succeed.”  Isn’t he beyond arrogant?  Love him.  Still.

I’m all about any convenience that makes my life easier.  Schedules are tough in my house and I am all about quality of the time I spend with my family.  I sometimes get my groceries delivered and I totally believe in full-serve gas stations.  But there is a line that must be drawn.  For me, that line is drawn at Lunchables and Uncrustables.  It’s never okay to defrost a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Okay?  Never.  However, Pamela Anderson?  She’s totally willing to take it further.  Like…not wearing pants.  Or showering.  Or looking in a mirror.  By eliminating normal grooming, she has freed up valuable minutes in her day.  Apparently to do drugs by the looks of it.  My personal favorite pic?  Her looking at Paris like “What the fuck do you have on?”

Pamela Anderson at the Art Basel Miami Beach show last night.

My dry heaving has subsided long enough to laugh at Paris Hilton.  Thursday night, leaving Bar Deluxe with her new BFF Brittany Flickinger, a pap stepped on her foot.  And she gave, you know, the normal human response of “Ow…owwwww…..ow……my shoe!” 

Beyond that, this huge fight breaks out.  If I didn’t know better, I’d swear it was staged in hopes of somehow parlaying the whole incident into a lawsuit against Paris.  Like court papers that read ”Due to Ms. Hilton’s blinding beauty and the intoxicating scent of her newest Paris brand perfume as well as the extreme rage I experienced when I learned that someone stepped on her expensive footwear, I couldn’t control myself and starting punching random people.  I am seeking damages in the amount of $2M due to work related injuries.”  Because as you watch the video, you’ll see what I mean.  There’s blood but it looks like those blood capsules the Telemundo soap stars use.  And serious fighting and some unconscious dude on the ground.  Except he looks like he’s grinning.   And all these other pap dudes come running up and moving him and rolling him around.  Hasn’t anyone ever caught one episode of ER in the half-millenia that it has been on the air?  Don’t move an injured person.

If it was a real fight, you have to wonder if at any time did anyone ever stop and be like “Dude, I’m all fired up over Paris Hilton’s foot?  WTF?”

Do you have a word that whenever you hear it you just start gagging?  Jizz is one of those words for me.  As well as moist and audit.  I feel like I’m coughing up a fur ball right now.  Ok, please watch this clip from SNL last night titled Jizz in my Pants while I go puke.  And the worst part?  I can’t get the song out of my mind.  So really…all day puking.

Jon Favreau, the 27 year-old speechwriter for president-elect Obama and the one with his hand on Hillary’s tit, is pretty brilliant.  So it really makes you wonder what would ever make him think that this was a Kodak moment.  And of course, it showed up on Facebook.  Everything shows up there.  Including scandalous pictures of me from high school wearing fucking acid wash jeans and a tanning bed tan.  Who knew there would be evidence of that shit?  Or that acid wash denim wasn’t a timeless classic?  But back to Hillary getting felt up.  Even though it was only posted for a couple of hours, it’s all over the internet.

I guess Favreau apologized and Clinton’s top aide said in an email “Senator Clinton is pleased to learn of Jon’s obvious interest in the State Department, and is currently reviewing his application.”  Ha ha. 

Funny but can you imagine how embarrassed this speechwriter is going to be when he sees Hillary face to face?  I guess he should just be relieved that he’s still employed.