So many jokes, so little time. I’m going to refrain myself, given that this is actually kind of an important subject. Just insert your own joke every two sentences or so. It’ll make me feel better about passing on all of them.

The U.S. government has long been using heavy metal music as a torture device at overseas camps like Guantanamo Bay. Prisoners are forced to listen to bands like AC/DC, Nine Inch Nails and Pantera on full-blast, twenty hours a day. [This is where you insert a joke.] The tactic was authorized by Lt. Gen. Ricardo Sanchez in September 2003 “to create fear, disorient … and prolong capture shock.” [There's another joke here.] This music is particularly unsettling to prisoners raised in Afghanistan or Iraq, where the pounding heavy metal sounds are rarely heard. The treatment often drives prisoners to madness; they wind up screaming and smashing their heads against walls, unable to endure more.

It’s not just heavy metal: the government has also been using songs from Sesame Street and even the Barney “I Love You” song. [Joke here, guys.]

Now, musicians are taking a stand against this, and insisting the government not use their songs as torture devices.

A campaign being launched Wednesday has brought together groups including Massive Attack and musicians such as Tom Morello, who played with Rage Against the Machine and Audioslave and is now on a solo tour. It will feature minutes of silence during concerts and festivals, said Chloe Davies of the British law group Reprieve, which represents dozens of Guantanamo Bay detainees and is organizing the campaign.

Some musicians, however, say they’re proud that their music is used in interrogations. Those include bassist Stevie Benton, whose group Drowning Pool has performed in Iraq and recorded one of the interrogators’ favorites, “Bodies.”

“People assume we should be offended that somebody in the military thinks our song is annoying enough that played over and over it can psychologically break someone down,” he told Spin magazine. “I take it as an honor to think that perhaps our song could be used to quell another 9/11 attack or something like that.”

What do you guys think???

Is this an acceptable practice?

Once again, Little Miss Britney Jean is at number one!!!!

Her album, Circus, is expected to sell over 500K copies in its first week and will easily nab the #1 spot. She outsold both Kanye and Beyonce.

Taylor Swift’s Fearless sold 592,304 copies in its first week.

Will Britney beat that?

(Probably not. Go Taylor!)

Oh noes!!!

Reports are flooding in that Gossip Girl’s golden couple may be on the rocks!!

An eyewitness says they saw Blake Lively hanging out at New York nightclub Southside Friday night, hooking up with a random blond—def not dark-haired Penn Badgley, whom Blake’s been dating for the past year or so.

Says our N.Y. source, B.L. came in around midnight with a group of chums and was “too busy making out to dance or drink.” And that ain’t all…

Next morning, Lively and Badgley were spotted having one awkward brunch at Norma’s restaurant at Le Parker Meridien hotel. “They both looked miserable,” says a fellow diner who spotted the unhappy twosome Saturday. “He did not smile once.”

The only thing missing?

A cell phone snap of Miz Lively sucking face with the mysterious blondie.

All of New York City is apparently on the look-out for dirt on Blake Lively’s love life.

Is life imitating art or what?

Fortunately, we may not be completely out of Gossip Girl real-life couples. There have been rumors for a few weeks now that Ed Westwick is spending his free time in Jessica Szohr’s pants.

If you haven’t heard about this yet, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, a Democrat, was arrested on Tuesday morning by the FBI and released shortly after on $4500 bail.

Here’s the deal: Since Barack Obama was an Illinois senator, and will no longer be able to finish out his term because of his election to the Presidency, the law says that the Illinois governor gets to name his replacement in the Senate. Incidentally, there are lots of other laws that say he’s not allowed to accept money or bribes for this appointment. Governor Blagojevich was in the process of violating, like, all those laws, and a bunch of other ones, too. Essentially, he was wheeling and dealing, attempting to sell this Senate seat to the highest bidder. This is, like, super-duper illegal and totally repulsive.

Who was the Evil Governor looking to appoint? Some reports indicate that one possibility was Jesse Jackson.

The FBI has a shitload of evidence on this dude — because someone tipped them off to these goings-on and they wire-tapped his office for weeks. So they basically have hours and hours of phone conversations of this dude cussing his evil little face off and saying and doing evil shit. In fact, in one instance, he threatened to withdraw $8M in funding from a children’s hospital because its CEO didn’t contribute enough to his campaign. Total evil dude.

Despite this overwhelming evidence of total evil-ness, he has yet to resign from his post. And, according to the law, he is still in a position to appoint Obama’s successor in the Senate.

Ewwww!!!

Apparently someone’s PR agency confused me with a paparazzi agency. In my inbox today:

Hello!

Just wanted to let you know that Shanae Grimes (90210) and Natasha Henstridge will both be dining at ONE Sunset tonight.

Natasha is set to come in at 7:30 PM and Shanae at 8:30.

ONE Sunset is located at 8730 Sunset Blvd.

Thanks!

Mostly I’m disappointed that ONE Sunset isn’t located at 1 Sunset. I mean, how confusing is that???

But if you wanna see either of these girls tonight and you’re in the LA area, you know where to go.

Do you even call that a ring?

Is there another name for it? Is it some sort of homing device her mothership is making her wear?

Here’s Paris in Madrid supporting the launch of Keteke.com, which appears to be some manner of Spanish-language social networking site.

I just think we need to take it a step further, Michael.

It should be a slightly bigger “hat.” Deeper, really. The same color as the one you’re wearing now, just, like, capable of enveloping your entire head. I guess what I have in mind is something a little like a paper bag. Yes, that’s it. There should be a paper bag over your entire head and the rest of you should be naked. And then you would be really photogenic.

Here’s Michael Phelps signing copies of the book he “wrote,” No Limits: The Will to Succeed. I think if it were titled No Pants: The Willy Succeeds it would sell better. At least to me.