Good.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE SPOTLIGHT, HEIDI AND SPENCER!!!!

JAMIE-LYNN SPEARS IS PREGNANT.

You don’t matter today, Heidi, or ever.

Says Montag,”We’re just going back to being boyfriend and girlfriend…” as Pratt interjects without mockery, “…when our relationship was flawless.”

So where is Montag’s engagement ring? “I turned it into a pendant,” she says. “It wasn’t my dream ring. I don’t like what it represents. I might sell it.”

A pendant.

How very Carrie Bradshaw of you.

Also: this photo is so ridiculously airbrushed.

As Evil Beet was the first to tell you, Britney Spears has been officially banned from the Four Seasons, her fave home down the street from home.

Guests of the five-star establishment are fed up with all the unwanted attention drawn to their usually relaxing digs; an entrance swarming with feeding paparazzi is not exactly inviting. On top of that, the spectacle that is Britney has been garnering so much negative press around her erratic rendezvous that the hotel no longer desires to host her.

Brit’s also been banned from the Chateau Marmont.

Try the Motel 6, sweetie. They like your type around there.

The immensely talented comedian died ten years ago yesterday.

(Am I really that old? Jesus. And how rude is it that Chris Farley is ten years dead and all I can think about is how old that makes me? Why must everything be about me? I’m an awful person.)

Anyway, The Post ran a nice article commemorating his finest moments.

WE MISS YOU, CHRIS!

I kid, I kid.

No one wants to see Patti LaBelle naked. I’d launch my own “I’d Rather Go Naked Than See Patti LaBelle Naked” retaliatory campaign.

It was a party for Mary J’s new album.

But man that’s a lot of dead animal.

I was chatting with a friend last night about — what else? — celebrity sex tapes, and we went back and forth about who Oprah needs to make a sex tape with. The final decision?

Denzel.

Anyway, Denzel recently donated $1M to Wiley College in Marshall, Texas, to help the school re-establish its once-famous debate team.

The actor was in Marshall last week to screen The Great Debaters, the story of Wiley’s 1930s debate team. He stars as educator and poet Melvin Tolson, who led the all-black college’s elite debate squad.

Heh.

You might even call them “Master Debaters.” Heh heh heh.

The film is produced by Harpo films and directed by Denzel himself. Check out the trailer above, and Oprah talking about the film below. So at least Denzel and Oprah are collaborating on some film, even if it’s not a sex tape.

You know, normally I’d give her some shit about this video, especially since it appears to end in her being dragged to the psych ward, but in comparison with what Britney’s been churning out lately, I have to give her credit for at least acting like she cares. And it’s nice to see her doing something other than sucking face with Pete Wentz on camera.

Jamie-Lynn Spears is pregnant.

Lily Allen is pregnant.

We got the first shots of Jessica Alba’s baby bump.

And the White House is on fire.

Just when I find myself questioning what the hell I’m doing with my life, tired of getting up at 6 am and going to bed at 3 am, tired of being asked what the hell the 5-year plan looks like for a celebrity gossip blogger, tired of working seven days a week without any hope of vacation or a boyfriend, and a day like this comes along, and it’s like, “Oh, yeah, I do this because this is so awesome.”

Remember this chick from the Joe Simpson-produced Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive? I can’t believe I watched that crap, but I did, and she was annoying as all hell on it. She’s the daughter of Yahoo’s CEO, Terry Semel.

Anyway, she’s Lindsay’s new BFF-and-maybe-more. From Page Six:

Last week, Lohan attended a holiday and housewarming party at the Los Angeles home of “Power Lesbian” Jeanette Longoria with Semel, the daughter of Yahoo! CEO Terry Semel, one partygoer told Page Six.

The spy at the sapphic soiree also overheard the duo refer to themselves as roommates, and one Hollywood insider claimed they’ve been living together in a house in LA for about a month.

“Lindsay came with Courtenay to the party around midnight and they stayed for an hour,” said our spywitness. “The girls held hands and were with each other the whole time.” The tipster added, “Every time I see Lindsay, there’s Courtenay. They are always
together.”

I think it’s great that Lindsay has a friend, even if it’s a spoiled rich brat like Courtenay Semel. As long as Lindsay’s not drinking, she’s headed in the right direction. I don’t need her fucking up anymore: I HAVE JAMIE-LYNN SPEARS NOW!!!!

Image via WENN