There don’t seem to be any new pics of Britney today, but there are reports that her mother visited her in her trailer on the set of How I Met Your Mother, which has seen more publicity in the past three days than during the rest of its run combined. This is probably a large portion of the reason that star Josh Radnor is giving soundbites like this one:

“It pains me to report that on the first day of the shoot, Britney knew her lines better than I knew mine. She’s been great to work with.”

This may be true, because, as I understand it, Britney has a very small role on the show. She’s probably only got a handful of lines anyway. And this is, like, the only thing she’s had to do in many months. So, yeah, good for you, Brit.

Also, via Defamer, a report from a source on the Fox lot:

Saw That Chick Who Used To Be Married To K-Fed on the Fox lot today for her How I Met Your Mother guest spot.

Smoking like a chimney, and cup of coffee in hand. Girl cleaned up nice for TV. They had her in this kind of flowery blue/turquoise dress, and a pair of glasses. Granted, she’s nowhere near the level of sexy she once was, but compared to what we’ve seen of her lately, she was looking pretty damn cute. Come to think of it, she kinda looked eerily like every picture I ever saw of (pre-preggo) Jamie Lynn.

So there you have it. I’ve done my Britney coverage for the day.

She may be a fashion-school drop-out, but that’s not gonna stop Heidi Montag from releasing a fashion line. Being totally unqualified has never stopped Heidi Montag from doing anything at all.

From what I can tell, the line’s going to be a lot like Lauren’s, except totally devoid of fashion and class.

You know how I know that?

It’s being sold exclusively in Anchor Blue stores.

The collection is designed to cater to girls between the ages of 16 and 21, with pieces such as brightly colored cotton jersey dresses, graphic tees, oversize handbags, evening clutches and gold, silver and zebra print jewelry.

The line is slated to launch in Anchor Blue stores Apr. 15, with items priced between $10 and $60.

Zebra-print jewelry? Jersey dresses? Oversize handbags? I’m overwhelmed by the creativity.

I really can’t wait to see the graphic tees. I hope they have fun, creative, witty, in-your-face slogans on them. I hope they say things like “Bitch” and “Princess” and “Math Sucks” and “I Like Boys” and “College Educations Are Overrated” and all the rest of the messages we so desperately need the young women of this nation’s middle class to identify with. Oh, I hope so.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.

So Joe “Rapist” Francis got out of jail in Reno, then schlepped his ass across the country to Florida to face charges for filming girls he fully knew were underage.

He opted to plead guilty to the charges, and the judge in Florida sentenced him to time served, plus six months of probation and told little Joey he couldn’t film in that county for the next three years.

Yeah, that’s “county,” not “country,” and that’s a damn shame.

If I were a Presidential candidate right now, I’d make my campaign platform very clear and simple: If you elect me, I will ban Joe Francis from the United States of America forever. Are you listening to me, Hillary? Barack? John? I think this is something we can all agree to, without seeing partisan politics get in the way. It’s a platform the entire nation can unite behind. You want change for this country? New hope? Unity? LET’S PASS A BILL THAT BANS JOE FRANCIS. From there, we can rebuild.

Here’s Kate at the red carpet premiere of 21 in Vegas.

Her body looks amazing these days. She’s put those pro-ana years far behind her, and she looks fit, healthy and trim.

The outfit?

I’ll let you guys weigh in on that.

So, yeah, Nicky Hilton’s spring collection hit the runway last night, and it’s all good and well that she’s creating a viable career and working hard at something that actually contributes something substantial to our culture as a whole, but forget all that: let’s talk about her eating disorder.

“There’s no truth to any starvation, eating disorders, rumors,” she told People magazine at her show last night. “I think the press has been printing a lot of pictures of me from unflattering angles … My friends see the pictures and they’re like ‘Oh my god are you okay?’ And then they see me, and they’re like ‘Oh … ‘ It’s really not that interesting or true.”

I know I’m a part of the Big Bad Media Machine, but I have to look at this and laugh. I’m sure Nicky’s busted her butt creating this line, but the story we all want to write is about her potential eating disorder. We’re all so disturbed.

Oh, and also, Nicky: the angles that make you look anorexic? Most celebs would consider those the flattering angles, my dear.

No, no, I’m serious.

RADAR magazine gave the dude a regular advice column.

When I first read this, I was like, “Oh, okay, it’s a new spin on the advice column: people will just write in each week and give Spencer Pratt some advice, because he obviously needs it.”

But no.

Spencer Pratt will be the one entrusted to advise other people.

“Spencer is never afraid to speak his mind,” Radar editor Maer Roshan said in a statement. “When asking for advice, it’s good to have someone who will be brutally honest with you, and tell it like it is.”

Oh, man. Spencer doesn’t tell it like it is. Spencer tells it like he thinks it is. And that’s not just not something you want presented as fact, ever.

Break the Ice

Ah.

So I’ve finally arrived in San Diego, had a lovely dinner of Chinese food with my super-genius kid sister, and then she settled down in her bedroom to study the kind of thing that super-genius PhD students study, and I set up my laptop in the living room to catch up on a day’s worth of gossip. My super-genius little sister dedicates absolutely zero percent of her time to following celebrity gossip, because she’s busy saving the environment and stuff.

I discover that the new Britney Spears video has been released, and I watch it. My sister wanders out of her room. “What is that noise?” I tell her I’m watching the new Britney Spears video, and she peers over my shoulder, curiously, to see what could possibly be so interesting. “Is that supposed to be her?” she asks. “Because it doesn’t look a thing like her.” She pauses, thinks, and then from her super-genius mouth: “You know, I think she thinks she’s a lot prettier than she actually is.”

Ah, from the mouths of babes…

Here’s Britney.

Here’s the video.

It kinda sucks.

But you knew that.

Hey kiddos,

So I’m taking a break for the rest of the day to drive back to SoCal, where I’ll make a pit stop in San Diego to bother my genius PhD-student little sister during her finals (and she hates when I talk about her on this blog, so I’ll be sure to give you guys a comprehensive update on how she’s doing), and then it’s off to LA, where I’ll be hitting up the Conway & Whitman show on 97.1 to blab for an hour about whatever it is I do. I’ll be on from 10-11 pm PST on Thursday night, so be sure to tune in. If you’re not in LA, you can listen on their website.

I’ll check back in with you guys tonight!

xoxo
Beet