Listen, I was just going to post this over on my personal blog, because Andy Rooney’s not exactly in our field of vision here on the Beet, but it is SO FUNNY I just had to share it with everyone. I keep replaying it and laughing. There are so many priceless quotes.

Andy Rooney is really too old to be on television right now.

HAPPY DAY!! HAPPY DAY!!!

Britney’s Circus tour kicks off tonight in New Orleans!!!

Oh, how I wish I were there!

BritneySpears.com has posted some of the merchandise they’ll be selling at the tour. Ohhhh, I will be buying ALL of it when I see her in April. I am starting a savings fund right now for “Britney Spears Tour Shit.” I absolutely HAVE to have the one with the full-sleeve tattoo. I will wear it on dates. That is how I will land my dream man. If he doesn’t turn around and leave after seeing me in that, he’s obviously man enough to handle me.

GO BRIT-BRIT!!!

This story really gripped me when it was big news back in 2001. I’ll always have the mental image of Chandra Levy’s father sobbing to the news cameras to help him find his daughter. I normally don’t get that emotional about the news, but this broke my heart. I knew right away that she was dead, and I think he probably did, too. Her body wasn’t found until a full year later.

Today, nearly eight years after her death, a man has been charged with the first-degree murder of Chandra Levy:

A jailed laborer from El Salvador has been charged with first-degree murder in the 2001 slaying of federal intern Chandra Levy, authorities said Tuesday.

The suspect, Ingmar Guandique, is serving a 10-year prison sentence in California for two assaults in Washington’s Rock Creek Park that occurred around the time of Levy’s disappearance. Levy’s remains were found in the park …

Guandique has been imprisoned at the Federal Correctional Institution-Victorville, a medium-security facility, north of San Bernardino.

It’s just so scary to think that there are such horrible people out there, killing strangers in parks. I like to believe that only happens in the movies.

I hope this brings some closure to her family.

Listen, guys.  Normally I don’t work this late in the day.  But I found out this news a little while ago and I don’t know where else to take it except here.  I’ve been bitching about it for the past hour on my Facebook.  Life On Mars got the ax.  Wait-Life On Mars got the ax but Two And A Half Men got renewed.  I don’t know what alternate universe I am in, but someone, anyone, please come get me.

Someone, anyone, explain this to me.  Please.  I am beside myself right now.  I know it’s only a television show but this is Sam fucking Tyler we are talking about.  One of my friends tried to explain it to me this way:  “Life On Mars is too progressive for the standard American audience that looks to tv as a way of avoiding their own dreary lives.”

There must be something that can be done about about this fuckery.  I’ll do anything to stop this.  I will give oral to Mischa Barton if that’s what it takes.  I’m not kidding.

Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens appeared together last night, at the US premiere of Watchmen.  Why is it that these two never look like an authentic couple?  And they always have dead eyes.  Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are so much better at this fake relationship thing.

Last night was the premiere of Jimmy Fallon Late Night.  How was it?  I was so asleep and missed it.

Justin Timberlake was a guest and did a great imitation of John Mayer.  Beyond my general dislike for Jennifer Aniston’s time-killer, I cannot look at him when he sings.  Cannot.  You know he makes the exact same faces when he’s having sex.  And I cannot abide by fucking a dude who rolls his eyes into the back of his head.  I suspect I am not the only one who thinks this way.

Oh, and poor Robert DeNiro.  He looks so-addled.

I couldn’t find a decent sound quality clip of the bit so you’ll have to fast forward to 5:00 to get to the John Mayer part.  Around seven minutes, he does a great Michael McDonald too.

“My greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.”

Kanye West in his VH1 Storytellers documentary, sharing the biggest disappointment of his life.

You know what the greatest pain in my life is?  Having to write about Kanye West every time he comes up with a quote intended to keep his name in the media.  Or, you know, every time he decides to punch a pap.