This is so embarrassing. I mean, this is truly the stuff that prom nightmares are made of. OK, so yesterday Bradley Cooper um… like, maybe applied some sort of self tanner? And he kind of missed the lower half of his face? And there’s kind of all these pictures of him floating around the Internet today of him with a half-Lohan/half-Ronson face at the premiere of Valentine’s Day? Oh, God. I can’t even imagine the pep talk he had to give himself before hitting that carpet. I wouldn’t have even gone. I would have stayed home and exfoliated and cried. Bradley Cooper is really brave, I guess.
Instead of having half-cantaloupes stacked on her sternum, Jersey Shore’s J-Woww’s going for half-beach balls … So in for summer 2010 at the Seaside Heights beach house. [Celebslam]
Beyonce just wakes up, still looks better than you at your best. Like, forever. Fuck. [popbytes]
24 could be adapted for the silver screen. I could subsequently wet myself. [Pajiba]
Levi Johnston still fame-sucking, celebrating son’s birthday a month late for more press. [Celebitchy]
God damn, that is one ugly thumb: Megan Fox uses hand stunt-double in latest Superbowl commercial ’cause she doesn’t want you to know that she has wonky club thumbs. [Amy Grindhouse]
AskMen.com’s sexiest woman of the year, Emmanuelle Chriqui, has more nip-slips than Britney, Paris, Lindsay and Bai Ling combined. [cityrag]
Heidi Montag is “fragile”, unstable and completely unsurprising. [Pop on the Pop]
Meet Snooki’s look-alike boyfriend. He’s a tool, too. [Zelda Lily]
“There’s not a better job on the planet than judging that fucking karaoke contest. It might be possible, we’ll see. They’d have to pay me a ton of dough because I already make a ton of dough.”
I know Kelly expressed yesterday that she’s not a huge Stern fan, but me? I LOVE Howard and I think that him becoming a judge on American Idol would be one of the best things to happen to television ever. Remember how crazy things got over at The View when Rosie took over for Meredith Vierra? You stick Howard Stern and his ego next to Ellen and her ego and Randy Jackson and whatever entitlement issues he has from being the only original remaining judge, and you’ve got yourself an explosive combo. Oh yeah, and that other chick judge who is invisible to me. She’ll still be there too. I am totally hoping this happens.
You guys watch Community? OK, well, it’s good and you should watch it if you don’t, but if you do, you know Donald Glover, who plays Troy. During his downtime, Don recorded a mixtape under the name Childish Gambino and released it on his website for free. And it’s sick. His lyrics are tight and funny and his skill level is surprisingly good.
Rapping over bands like Grizzly Bear and Animal Collective, Childish Gambino tells us what it’s like to be the most fashionable young TV actor in the game. On my favorite track, “My Girls”, he also gives some insight to what it’s like to date a dude whose job lends to a player lifestyle. You can download parts 1 and 2 of his mixtape “I Am Just a Rapper” here and here.
Listen to “New Prince (Crown On the Ground)” here:
Bored single woman with absolutely nothing to do, Kate Gosselin, finally gave in to the fact that she hated her seven-thousand dollar extensions and chopped them all off. It’s unclear if the thought came to her after her tanning appointment or before her mani/pedi, but you know how us free-spirited single women are! When we have to do something about our look, we just have to do something about our look! What other priorities do we have beside making sure our shit’s on point? Nothing. There’s nothing for us to do. That’s why we’re single. We’re like a herd of wild, gorgeous mustangs with nothing on our schedules except running free and making sure we have plenty of time to just “do us”.
Now that her look is perfected, what do you think a woman like Kate can do with all that free time on her hands? Perhaps she can take a ceramics class where she can meet other young women who aren’t tied down and they can all bond over margaritas and boy talk at the local Chili’s after. I don’t know! Just an idea! I’m running late for my laser hair-removal appointment, but I’ll check back in with you later!
OK, I’m sure it’s a little funny to some of you and that’s fine, but you should know that it makes you a bad person. Look at Kendra Wilkinson! My big-breasted girlfriend was seen crying her pretty little eyes out as she left the Superbowl stadium yesterday after watching her husbo more or less lose the big game for his team. The hysterics seem like a bit much considering, you know, he lost the Superbowl and it’s a pretty big deal that he made it there in the first place, but you gotta love how supportive and loyal Kendra is. Also, it makes my uterus ache thinking about her little baby wrapped up in that blanket, too young to ever remember a day that his hot mom carried him out of a stadium crying after his father blew the biggest game of the year. They have to be the most perfect family ever. This gallery is like some modern-day Norman Rockwell shit minus the father and plus a lot of tears.
We thought it was done between Lindsay and Samantha, but that’s why we’re a bunch of idiots. Of course these two can keep their hands off of each other… except this time it’s less “heavy petting” and more “heavy beating”, if you know what I mean. If you don’t know what I mean, let me spell it out for you: These two broads have turned on each other and their relationship, according to sources, has gotten violent. From Radar:
“One time I saw her [Lindsay] and she had a large welt on her head,” the source told RadarOnline.com. “She told me that Sam beat the (bleep) out of her.
“She also said that Sam even punched and choked her one time.”
Yikes! And to add insult to injury (pun very much intended) these two crazy cats are living in the same building. If Lindsay’s bank account is in as much trouble as it’s rumored to be, Sam better be the one to make the move because I don’t think Lindsay even has the choice to go anywhere else. The source also told Radar:
“It’s so twisted. They’re not together, but they are,” said the source. “I never thought I’d ever say this, but I really do feel sorry for Lindsay. She is just lost. She’s alone. She has no friends to turn to.”
This is a seriously unhealthy situation for both parties. Last time I was in a relationship this tumultuous and immature, I know it would have gone on forever if it wasn’t time for me to go to college.
They’re too old for their families to control their lives and make them move on (although Samantha’s family has tried), but they’re probably so young that they can still handle this much drama and bullshit. What’s going to be the last straw for these two?
