A pretty funny video from X17, as the paparazzi follow LiLo around for the better part of a day. She eats at Il Fornaio with Harry Morton and a woman who is either a rookie personal assistant or a very entitled friend.

Before Lindsay leaves the restaurant, this mystery woman comes out and instructs the paparazzi that she “needs them to stay at least ten feet back.” The paparazzi chirp their agreement — “yes yes, no problem, of course, sure, you got it” — and, confident her natural genius for paparazzi negotiation has once again worked its subtle magic, she heads back inside the restaurant.

She emerges later with Lindsay, who is instantly clobbered by photogs.

Reports are trickling in that Howard Stern got a juicy confession out of Bam Margera on his radio program this morning. Bam says he did hook up with Employee of the Month star Jessica Simpson while she was still married to Nick Lachey.

I didn’t hear the show and I haven’t seen the transcript, but Jessica was technically married to Nick for nearly eight months after the two were separated, and during that time period, Nick’s many conquests were well-documented. So I’ll reserve judgment for now.

If you have more details about what Bam told Howard, tip us off!

This has nothing to do with celebrities, celebutantes or gossip, so if you can’t handle some off-topic ranting, please avert your eyes.

Anyone who knows me knows I’m pretty far from a “femi-nazi” label. I mean, I write a gossip blog, for chrissake. I’m not one to hold picket signs or get petitions signed or, god forbid, write my senator. It’s wonderful that there are people out there so invested in women’s empowerment, and I respect and appreciate their efforts, but I am simply not among their ranks.

But I was pissed off today.

I’m at LAX, outside the Southwest baggage claim, when I walk past a set of magazine racks. On the top of one of the racks, I see a big sign that says “WOMEN’S INTEREST,” and beneath it they have all the typical gossip/fashion rags, like Us Weekly, People, InTouch, Cosmo etc. I think to myself, just absently, that it’s kind of bullshit they should so blatantly assume that only women read those magazines. Gay men, anyone? Or straight men who want to know just exactly what a woman can tell about him by the way he’s decorated his apartment? Sheesh.

Next to it is a rack with a sign that says “MEN’S INTEREST.” And I was so pissed off about this that I took a picture with my camera phone. I never do that. But I’ve posted it here, and I’ve circled some of the “men’s interest” magazines available at LAX, the first stop for many on a visit to our great nation. They include:

• Forbes
• BusinessWeek
• CPU
• Time
• PCWorld
• US News & World Report
• Trump
• The Atlantic Monthly

Golly gee. I didn’t realize that MBA I’ve been pursuing made me so damn butch. Maybe I should drop out and give beauty school another chance. Thank you to one of the largest international airports in both the country and the world for making that so abundantly clear to me.

• Aaron Carter is engaged to Kari Ann Peniche, a former Miss United States Teen who had her title revoked for posing for Playboy. So, Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff, you both lost.

• Will Brad Pitt replace Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible IV? Paramount hopes so.
• Accomplished Jew-hater Mel Gibson takes time out from his busy schedule of AA and KKK meetings to make his daughter an MRS.
• Janet Jackson once “accidentally” used cocaine, and she was so utterly distraught over it that she just had to tell an LA radio station.
• MTV launches Virtual Laguna Beach, begins advertising negotiations with Tampax, Rogaine.

Taken from her hospital bed, just after her daughter’s birth, and before her son’s tragic death.

Get to them before her lawyers do.

I’m out and about and on airplanes today, so posting will be slow for the rest of the afternoon/evening, but I promise to come back and catch you up tonight, my loves.

You know what you should do in the meantime?

Make friends with The Evil Beet on mySpace. All the cool kids are doing it. That and cocaine.

Cyril Wecht, the famous forensic pathologist (yeah, that’s right, I just said “famous forensic pathologist”) who performed Daniel Smith’s second autopsy said he could not determine the cause of death. According to the report, he was able to rule out heart disease, stroke, congenital illness and foul play. So he is absolutely, positively stumped.

OMFG, let’s call in Dr. House.

This is a great mystery for the ages.

Pssst — did you guys do a tox screen? Because when I did that semester abroad at this one really famous pathology school in Europe, they said, when all else fails, do that.

[source: AP]