LISTEN UP MOTHERFUCKERS … It has been an awful week and an even worse weekend, and I’m sorry nothing got posted this weekend because mostly I was trying not to shoot myself in the head (always a bad idea), but we are motherfucking back. Bring it.

Brit-Brit and some hair follicles hit up the Lakers game, because what the fuck else do you do when you’re not drinking? [A Socialite's Life]

I hate to start off your week with such horrible news, but the Beckham’s reality show might not get aired, because Tom and Katie refuse to be a part of their televised circus … no one, and I mean no one, is going to out-circus TomKat. [Cele|bitchy]

Beyonce’s got some new videos. [popbytes]

Kim Stewart got to be famous; it’s Sean’s turn now, dammit!!! Unfortunately, he’s not pretty or BFF with Paris Hilton, so he has to take his pants off on the beach. But still. We’re writing about him, aren’t we? [ICYDK]

That girl who was starving for Sanjaya started eating again. He can’t be stopped! He won’t be stopped! He’s gonna win this whole damn thing. Learn to love it. [SOW]

You should watch the Oceans 13 trailer. Over and over again. For two hours or so. Because that’s pretty much exactly what the whole movie will be. [Bree]

Yeah, okay. Paris got that boob job. Because what was really holding back her career was a lack of sexuality. [Celebslam]

The real question is who isn’t he f**king? Jude has been linked to Lindsay Lohan (gross), Natalie Portman (way too good for him) and now Courtney Love’s yoga instructor. According to Courtney’s website Courtney said that she caught Jude and her yoga instructor in the act.

“[I] just found out my yoga teacher is f-ing Jude Law. She’s got a hot bod.”

You just found your yoga instructor having sex? That is a little odd. Was she early for her session and caught them doing downward dirty dogs. Jude seems kind of kinky. Honestly if I was a hot famous man I’d go the model route but to each his own. I remember back in the “Talented Mr. Ripley” days I would have totally hit Jude Law but he is heading into “rode hard and put away wet” territory.

Actually thinking about it, he and Lindsay would be a match made in horndog heaven.

Hooray!!! It only took like a billion years, but apparently the cast of Sex & the City — including Kim Cattrall — have all signed on to do the Sex & the City film. All the deals were inked this week. Let’s hope they don’t screw this up …

What do you guys hope to see discussed/resolved in the film?

Check out this fun clip of Will Ferrell dropping Meredith Vieira to promote his new flick Blades of Glory. I don’t know if it was on purpose but her head really smack off the ice in a pleasing manner. Enjoy it you fiends!

Evidently Chris Richardson (Justin Timblerlake) and Alaina Alexander (the hot one that got booted right away) have been having a little “American Idol” relationship. Sources have spotted Chris and Alaina hanging out in LA and she has sat with his family during some of his Idol performances.

Alaina Alexander who has some sexy photos of her own on the internet and Chris I think make an adorable couple. Anyone in LA if you see them together please send us pics!

Today we have a few young ladies as our victims. They all have the same issue and it is called “clothes that make you look fat.” I understand that the drapey look is in now but really it makes these tiny little actresses look almost zaftig. If I ate salads and ran on treadmills all day long to keep myself under 100 pounds I’d be a little pissed if my stylist made me look like this. I hope that soon fashion will embrace the waist, I’m over the pregnancy look.
I’m in no way calling these girls fat…actually these are three very little girls but taking that into consideration Kristen Bell looks big, Marley Shelton looks like she actually has hips, and Lindsay Sloane could be six months pregnant.

As it turns out Chris Sligh from SanjayaIdol didn’t want you to vote for him anyway. He’s happy you didn’t vote for him. And he completed all his goals without your stupid votes. So there.

GREENVILLE, South Carolina (AP) — Chris Sligh, the curly-headed contestant from South Carolina who was voted off “American Idol” this week, said he considered quitting the show two weeks before viewers sent him packing.

Yes, quitting. As if Idol would have let him. Actually, on second thought, it would be a huge story and they’re attention whores so I guess, yeah, they would have. But thankfully, instead of quitting, Sligh just murdered a song. Good choice!

“I never came into this wanting to win it,” Sligh told The Greenville News on Thursday. “I made the Top Ten. That was my goal.” Sligh said he decided not to quit because the top 10 contestants participate in an “American Idol” summer tour that comes with a nice paycheck.

Dude, when you first try out they say “Do you think you can be the next American Idol?” You HAVE to say yes. Or they cattle prod you until you do. But it’s good to know you’re already working for a paycheck about four months into your career. That bodes well for your future. You’re passionate about… paychecks.

“I wanted to make the tour,” he said. “I wanted to be able to make music for my living, so I don’t have to work at the marketing company that I was working at.”

Totally. That marketing company was run by a bunch of fuck-ups. Screw those guys. That paycheck wasn’t good enough.

Next up, Chris attended ultra right-wing crazy college Bob Jones University. He was kicked out. Here ya go:

Leaving Bob Jones “was actually good, because I had been trying to figure out how to leave,” he said. Sligh is scheduled to appear on the show’s May 24 finale.

To recap. 1. He wanted to quit Idol. 2. He wanted to quit his marketing job. 3. He was going to quit Bobby Jones but they booted him first (probably for not praying hard enough for George Bush).

We wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavors Chris! You don’t sound high maintenance at all!