There is a fantastic joke to be made about Victoria Beckham’s boots here, but I can’t find it. Thoughts?

Paris and Flavor of the Week Josh Henderson hit up Parc in LA. Why is she with this guy? He’s her newest project, I guess. And we get it, Paris. The boobs are bigger. Congratulations, dear. Maybe now men will think of you more like a sex object and less like a really good friend.

Although I don’t know where she got that ridiculous red … is that a dress? Is it overalls? Is it ugly? Yes. All of the above. I’m glad she’s happy, though. Lord knows she was miserable for long enough.

The Associated Press scooped everybody on this shit. Take that, People magazine. Angelina Jolie exclusives my ass. We’ve got George Clooney being a nice guy at a lemonade stand. Also, guys, is it just me, or are George Clooney and Taylor Hicks slowly morphing into the same person?

TOBACCOVILLE, North Carolina (AP) — A group of kids on spring break thought setting up a lemonade stand near George Clooney’s movie set might be a good business move. They were right.

The star paid $20 for his lemonade, which 10-year-old Carter, 6-year-old Chandler and 5-year-old Chase Fontaine were selling for 25 cents.

Clooney made his way over to the lemonade stand Wednesday afternoon after shooting scenes for “Leatherheads,” a movie about the early days of professional football that he is directing and acting in.

The boys’ mother, Courtney Fontaine, offered Clooney the lemonade for free. He had posed for pictures with her and some other women.

But Clooney insisted on paying, sending someone over with a $20 bill. Chandler enjoyed telling people afterward that Clooney’s representative didn’t want any change.

Before long, Carter had made another sign that read, “George Clooney was here!” and planted it at the road.

Oh pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease tell me that girl was stupid enough to let Jason Wahler get her fucking on camera. Don’t get me wrong, I love LC, I think she’s adorable, and I’m usually rooting for her, but I have NO SYMPATHY for girls who let dudes do this. JUST DON’T DO IT, GIRLS. Especially if you’re Lauren Fucking Conrad. It is going to leak. Always, always. According to Perez, Lauren tried to break into Jason’s apartment to get the tape back, but she was unsuccessful. Jason finally agreed to give it back, but kept a copy for himself (duh). Now Jason wants to sell it before he goes to jail (for his physical altercation with a tow-truck driver). If no one will buy it, he may “leak” it online. Yay!!! I can’t wait!! That’s really what The Hills has been missing — a sex tape scandal.

It’s official. The Mama Jolie roller coast has reached its pinnacle and now it must swoop down into darkness. Why says so? Why US Weekly does! Page Six (ty nine) says:

Sources say Us Weekly, Star and other celebrity weeklies are so fed up with getting scooped by People, they’ve turned on Jolie and Brad Pitt with a vengeance.

I agree. Fuck People Mag right in their ear. If I ever see one of those bastards on the street I will be on them like a hurricane of nails and teeth. And elbows. Anywhoo, all of this comes on the fall-out from the notion that Jolie might adopt another kid, this time from Chad. Here’s why:

Jolie herself recently said, “Should you balance the races, so there’s another African person in the house for Zahara, after another Asian person in the house for Mad? We think so.”

Umm… what? No seriously, what does that even mean? Are all African people like each other, and thus relate better to other people who look like them? To me this flies in the face of everything Jolie was trying to do, if Asians now need be purchased in pairs it sort of defeats this whole “one world” theme she’s jockeying for.

I rarely go after Jolie, but that’s a dumb quote. I hope someone made that up.

I finally have Internet in my new apartment! Hooray!!! On a related note: FUCK TIME WARNER. Okay? FUCK YOU, TIME WARNER. It feels good to get that out. So things should be settling down to something approximating normal around here. As normal as we get, I suppose. Late-night links are back in late night. Enjoy.

Lindsay and Hilary bond over their shared hatred of Paris Hilton. [A Socialite's Life]

Are the American Idol producers actually hoping Sanjaya will stick around? [popbytes]

A Christmas Story director Bob Clark and his son were killed by a drunk driver on PCH. [fishbowlLA]

Why diet when you’re rich enough for liposuction? [CityRag]

Keith Richards manager says the rocker didn’t really snort his father’s ashes. [The Blemish]

Last week’s Project Runway auditions were short on auditioners. [Celebrity Smack]

Uma Thurman’s rack isn’t looking so hot. [POTP]