Her so-called acting career may be largely a thing of the past, but at least her body is bangin’. Claire Danes and some ass-kicking thighs showed up to the NYC screening of her new film Me and Orson Welles last night, and I have to admit this is the best I’ve seen her look in years. To be frank, I liked her best with bright orange hair and a be-flanneled, eyeliner-free Jordan Catalano, but I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that we will never again get Jared Leto out of makeup.

Also there: Lydia Hearst, who needs sunshine and a cookie, stat. Really she looks like she just stumbled off the set of New Moon, with Dakota Fanning possibly being trafficked inside her skirt.

I haven’t had the opportunity to tell you guys that I saw New Moon last night and hated it. Chris Weitz was absolutely the wrong director — they never should have let Catherine Hardwicke go — and, despite my undying love for Taylor Lautner, I understand now why they wanted to replace him. Watching him play “angry werewolf” was excruciating. My date — who had never heard of Twilight before I asked him to take me — emailed me this morning implying that I need to put out in the immediate future in exchange for making him go to the “naked boy wolf movie.” It was one of those firmly worded “you owe me” emails. And he’s right.

Lastly, Zac Efron, who really ought to talk to his optometrist about getting new contacts that won’t irritate his eyes. Poor thing can’t stop squinting.

Vanessa Hudgens confirmed what none of really care about: She and her probably gay boyfriend are set to wed. Hudgens was quoted as saying, “We haven’t set a date and if we did we’d keep it secret for as long as possible. Why? What if one of us was offered a major film part? Then we’d have to postpone our marriage and people would say we’d split up. And we don’t want that.” What if, what if, what if…

Apparently Efron agreed to marry her after being bullied by Vanessa’s mother, which seems odd as her daughter is only twenty years old and her man is just a year older. It’s not as if these kids have a completely dim future if they were to seperate and be on their own, or say, I dunno… not rush things?

I’m so relieved that Breckin Meyer is speaking out against couples skating.  No one should ever, ever have to endure such an injustice.

Holy guacamole!

The Washington Post has an interesting article in its Sunday edition about how Disney has been backing away from partnering with junk foods like McDonalds and is instead branding healthier foods like eggs and fruit with familiar faces.

One such product is the High School Musical avocado. When Disney stamps a product with a popular character, such as tween sensation Zac Efron, it “can’t help but benefit from the nag factor,” says Lance Gatewood, the vice president of Disney Consumer Products’ Food, Health & Beauty, North American division. And, when kids are begging their parents for something nutritious, like an avocado, he explains, it’s hard to say no. Parents are happy, growers are happy, grocers are happy, kids are happy and healthy, and, oh yeah, Disney is pleased, too. It turns out that seasonal fruits can be the perfect promotional platform for a film. Last summer’s avocado season coincided conveniently with the fall release of High School Musical 3. Besides the promotional boost, Disney earns back royalties on units sold. And, because of the Disney appeal, more units tend to sell. Sometimes it’s a lot more: Bagged-apple sales went up 47 percent during a High School Musical promotion at Winn-Dixie.

That’s all well and good, Disney, but promise me you’ll keep Zac Efron’s face off bananas in the foreseeable future. At least until his fan base is old enough that we know they won’t be using it as a “learning tool.”

(And yeah, bitches, I made that graphic myself. Don’t be jealous that my mad skillz extend to the visual arts.)

Zac Efron was on board, but has now jumped ship, on the Footloose remake movie.  However, Paramount will not allow anyone to, uh, cut Footloose.  Their statement:

Footloose is a project we’ve longed to see re-booted for a new generation. While Zac is no longer attached, we remain excited and committed to the collective brain trust of Kenny Ortega, Neil Meron and Craig Zaden, who will reinvigorate the franchise. Their fresh take on the film will undoubtedly be filled with the same kind of breakout performances that we’ve come to expect from them.

No official word on why Efron refuses to kick off his Sunday shoes, but some sources are citing typecasting.  I could see that.  You can’t be dancing and prancing and doing big stage numbers and still expect to get the big bank roles playing superheroes.  Unless you’re Hugh Jackman, of course.

A replacement hasn’t been named yet.  And really, could anyone replace Zac Efron?

“My stocking was full of condoms this Christmas. She buys me the economy box.”

Zac Efron in April’s issue of Elle, sharing his favorite holiday gift evah…given to him by his, gulp, mom.

He also talked about going to sex shops with Vanessa.  Because it is very important that we all know that Zac Efron is having sex.  With a girl.  Because he’s straight.  Okay?  His mommy buys him condoms-the economy package because he fucks a lot.  And not anonymous anal with hot dudes.  With a girl…did he mention that?  Hetero.

You know, I love my son but there is no way that I will ever be stopping by BJ’s, heh, to grab him the Mega-Save pack of anything that’s ribbed for his her pleasure.  I have limitations.

Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens appeared together last night, at the US premiere of Watchmen.  Why is it that these two never look like an authentic couple?  And they always have dead eyes.  Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are so much better at this fake relationship thing.

“My life was set, I was going to go to college, I was going to try to do something great, like be a doctor. It didn’t really work out. I decided after I had done High School Musical and after I had done a couple of films that I wanted to go to college to study films [at the University of Southern California]. I had friends in the program and they just raved about it. I was so jealous that they were there. After I was accepted to go, I was deferred for one year and since then, I haven’t really had time to go back.”

Zac Efron, complaining about how his prestigious medical career was derailed by his enormous success as a teen sex symbol. Hey, maybe he could land a gig on House? I remember Tara Reid once giving an interview about her role in Van Wilder and being like, “I never got to go to college [no shit!], so this was kind of like my college experience,” and I just about threw up all over my laptop.

Are these two the longest-lasting couple in Hollywood yet or what?

Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron looked very much together as they were spotted out in LA last night.

How long can this possibly last???

Increasingly hetero-seeming Zac Efron cozies up to his costars, Ashley Tisdale and Vanessa Hudgens, at the Melbourne premiere of High School Musical 3.

Zac Efron rocks a little — uh — bruise on his neck.

Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, looking very much the happy couple as they land at LAX, back home from their whirlwind international press tour for HSM3.

You know what?

I believe this now. I do. It took me awhile, but I give in. I think they’re for real. No two people this young can keep up a scam like this — especially when they have to spend basically every waking hour together — for this long without losing their minds. I don’t care how much Disney’s paying them. They’re actually in love.

Also: Zac Efron has officially earned my respect. He’s wearing a Members Only jacket.