Woody Allen and his next wife *ahem* daughter attended the Knick’s game at Madison Square Garden Friday night.

Did anyone hear that?

That was the sound of me shooting fish in a barrel. 

I think I’m gonna let this one slide based on the premise that it basically writes itself….Also, I do not want to go to Hell.

A rare shot of Woody Allen and his adopted daughter/wife, Soon-Yi, at the afterparty for the Vicky Cristina Barcelona premiere in LA.

Also there: Scarlett Johansson, looking like she descended from a completely different universe than Woody and Soon-Yi.

So Scarlett took a third role in a Woody Allen film. Fine. I’ve moved past it. But don’t you dare come out and compliment this wife’s adopted daughter coveting bastard. Don’t you do it Scarlett!

Sigh. You did it.

“I’d sew the hems of his pants if he asked me to,” the actress, 22, says in the April issue of Vogue.

Yes, and he’d allow you to. You’re the requisite 40 years younger he requires. Better to drink the blood of the young you see. Woody chimes in describing her as:

“criminally sexy,” telling the magazine: “While she is a much stronger actress in every way, there is a tiny bit of Marilyn Monroe in her zaftig humidity.”

Zaftig = juicy, succulent. Nice Wood, nice. You got her right where you want her. For fun let’s look at a bonus quote from 2005 from Woody.

Allen estimated that, despite the scandal’s damage to his reputation, Farrow’s discovery of Allen’s attraction to Soon-Yi Previn, by accidentally finding nude photographs of her, was “just one of the fortuitous events, one of the great pieces of luck in my life. [...] It was a turning point for the better.”

There you have it. This is a lucky dude. Also he’s a talentless hack. Go away.