When Billy Bush from Access Hollywood interviewed William Shatner recently, he had the presence of mind to show him the trailer for the new Star Trek movie, which Shatner had somehow not yet managed to see.

For those of you not in the nerd loop, George Takei (who played Sulu in the original series) and Shatner have had an ongoing feud for the last decade or so. It sounds a lot like a 4th grade schoolyard fight (like most celebrity feuds) with Shatner claiming that Takei is just mean to him all the time and Takei taking pot shots at the Shats and his larger-than-life personality every time he goes on a talk show. Shats is still upset that he didn’t get invited to the wedding.

I’m upset I still have to wait 5 more days before I can see this movie.

I’m so happy I wrote this post if for no other reason than it led me to this picture of William Shatner and the Mayor of Long Beach at the grand opening of Star Trek: The Tour– a nasty little nugget of Treksploitation that floats 40 years worth of memorabilia around in a cruise ship, looking to fleece Trekkies and Trekkers in a city near you. Even though I say that, if it comes anywhere near Nashville (doubtfull since Tennessee is a land-locked state) I’ll still fork over the cash to go see it. Feel my pain, fellow Trekkers. Feel my pain.

But I digress. That’s not what this post is about.

This post is about the fact that Hustler plans to release a hardcore porno flick based on Star Trek: The Original Series, which will make it the first piece of Star Trek related merchandise where getting fucked up the ass is the main feature, and not just the lamentable side effect of shelling out your hard-earned cash for an expensive piece of poorly-designed crap.  *Shakes angry fist at Paramount’s licensing division*

The film, starring Evan Stone and Tony DeSergio – as Captain Kirk and Mr Spock respectively – is set to go before the cameras next month.The project is the latest in Hustler’s ongoing bid to turn classic US TV shows into porn films. This Ain’t Star Trek XXX! will follow Not Three’s Company XXX and This Ain’t Happy Days XXX onto DVD.

Now that’s one box set I’d like to have for the video library!

While it makes me giggle to think of Spock and his giant Vulcan schlong, a hardcore version of Star Trek actually isn’t much of a stretch– considering that 15 minutes of every episode were dedicated to Shatner-on-alien softcore anyway. And much of the humor in Three’s Company revolved around the sexual tension between the three roommates, so a hardcore version isn’t all that difficult to imagine.

But trying to picture what would happen in a raunchy, X-rated version of Happy Days just makes me laugh out loud. And then my brains shut off.

And yes, I will watch it if I can get my hands on it. I’ll even let you know how it is.

William Shatner has decided to “speak out” about being snubbed at George Takei’s wedding.

I feel like these people are little kids.

Seriously, Bill, shut up and go back to doing Priceline ads.

It’s the slowest news day ever.

So it’s time to break this out.

Enjoy.

I’ve heard this rumor before but this is the first time someone has dared publish it online so now I’m officially concerned. The rumor is this: Matt Damon as Captain Kirk in a movie. Yikes. Matt, I pray it was just insider courtesy talk when you said:

“I heard that [rumor]. I think J.J. Abrams or somebody said that at press junket or something, and it got picked up… If the script was good, I’d do it.”

Now Matt is a fine actor, and I like the majority of films he’s been in. But you can’t go down the Captain Kirk path man. You’ll never make it back. Think of how many other movie roles Shatner has landed. Keep thinking. Okay stop, because there aren’t any. This Kirk think is bigger than us all Matt, it will eat you alive. Gone will be the cherry dramatic roles you so love, replaced with oddball camp crapola.

Come back to the light Matt. Don’t go to any galaxies that are far far away.

Fine, if you must appear in Star Trek than at least be Spock. Nimoy was hot as hell.