In addition to the three-year prison term Wesley Snipes is currently facing after being convicted on three counts of willfully failing to file his income taxes, a judge just ordered him to pay $217,000 to cover what it cost the government to prosecute him.

I like reading stuff like this, because, like, if I’m driving and I hit three red lights in a row, I throw up my arms, make loud whimpering sounds, and announce to myself that the universe hates me and nothing is going my way today. So it’s important for me to see stuff like this and think, “You know, I don’t owe anybody $217,000 today, and I’m not appealing my prison sentence, either. So I guess it’s okay that Burger King is still serving breakfast only when I want a Whopper. I guess that’s not the worst thing ever.”

Wesley Snipes, who was indicted in October for tax evasion, surrendered himself to Feds this morning at the Orlando airport. Snipes pleaded not guilty on all charges, and says he looks “forward to clearing my name and resolving this issue post haste.”

Last month, Snipes authored a Lohan-style letter to a columnist at the Orlando Sentinel, comparing his arrest to rape and implying that the actions of the Federal government were racist. He and Lindsay should team up and just start issuing these rambling, accusatory statements jointly. Snipes could be in charge of making sure that “adequate” is always spelled correctly, and Lindsay could make sure the letters get into the hands of the New York Post’s editors, rather than floundering at some smallish Florida paper. It’s the Dream Team of crazy!

The charges carry a maximum of 16 years in federal lock-up for Snipes.

It may be true that White Men Can’t Jump, but we’ll just see how they manage the extradition of U.S. tax evaders living in friendly West African nations.

Wesley Snipes was indicted last week for attempting to cheat the U.S. government out of nearly $12 million in false refund claims and not filing any returns — at all — for six years. The Smoking Gun has Snipes’ 1997 filing, in which the Blade star reports a net adjusted gross income of zilch.

Where is Snipes now? He’s in Namibia, filming a movie titled Gallowwalker. Snipes has been there since August, at which point Namibia did not have an extradition treaty with the U.S. They passed such a treaty — unilaterally — in September, amidst the Kobi Alexander drama, so one can assume Snipes will eventually be dragged back to the U.S. to face charges. He faces a maximum of sixteen years in prison, where I’m sure all the To Wong Foo-related praise will be, somehow, less flattering.

They forget to pay their taxes too.

Wesley Snipes, who stopped making relevant movies in the mid-90s, evidently got caught making false returns to the tune of 12 million dollars. Now this would be just a boring “stupid celebrity forgets to pay their taxes story,” but he also had another brilliant idea in 2005.

He tried to leave the country of South Africa with a fake South African passport. Accoring to IMDB.com, “the actor was later allowed to leave the country but his immigration status has been reduced to ‘undesirable’ and his false passport confiscated.”
Sounds like somebody got a bit crazy where their movies started going straight to video, or when they went from playing a street-wise hustler to a drag queen?

I totally am waiting for an E! True Hollywood Story!