Before she was a fiercely clavicled clothes horse:

She was one slightly more over-tweezed eyebrow and some black lip liner away from working at Dress Barn:

Raw Spice is (unfortunately) available on Youtube in its entirety. A few stray clicks ended with me watching it yesterday for over an hour. I was absolutely stunned by how different Victoria Beckham used to look. The snapshot above is one thing, but you really need to look at the video to get the full picture. “Posh” makes her first appearance at about 4 minutes in.

Amongst other utterly useless pieces of information, the video taught me that the fifth member was originally a girl named Michelle who was thought of as the “smart one.” If they hadn’t replaced her with Baby Spice, there might have been a “Smarty Spice” or a “Bookish Spice.”

I’ve heard rumblings that Busty Spice had her implants replaced to a more frame-appropriate size 34B, and now that Daily Mail is reporting it, it must be true.

This morning, I’ve spent more time than any heterosexual woman ever should inspecting countless pictures of Victoria Beckham’s rack.  The conclusion of my investigation?  I don’t know.  They look pretty big both before the month of May and after.  The only observation that leads me to believe that there could be truth to DM’s story is that, in more recent pictures she’s hiding behind bags and children and trench coats.  Also, I also noticed that for the past couple of weeks, Beckham has been wearing the same conservative black crew neck top everywhere she goes.  I told you — Serious.  Investigative.  Skills.

The pictures above are Posh in June and Posh last November.  Gallery includes a massive collection of VB’s massive set.  Let the comparing begin!

Posh Spice Victoria Beckham on the streets of London, embracing the shredded legging trend.

Just in case you weren’t sure exactly how many things were imperfect about your own body, Victoria Beckham is happy to get mostly naked all over your magazines and billboards so that you have plenty of opportunities to count every way your body is different from hers.

I’m telling you right now that I love the bag and I need to know who makes it and how much it is.  Does anyone know?  I’ve been up and writing since four and I’m too lazy tired to Google.  But I want it and have to figure out how many kids gallons of blood I have to sell to be able to afford it.

Elton John’s yearly party is super exclusive and tough to get an invite to.  Having said that, I’m having a few “What the fuck,” moments.

What the fuck?  Simon Cowell and Terri Seymour are back together?

What the fuck?  What is that French’s Golden Mustard get-up Dita Von Teese wearing?

What the fuck?  Rachel Griffiths in head-to-toe grey flannel?  Is she fat or just pregnant?  Oh, she’s pregnant.  Still…that’s not right.

Bai Ling?  Just, what the fuck?

Ugh, I had more to say, but I looked at too many pictures of Posh and now I must sleep…can’t…keep…eyes…open.

Ricky Martin appeared at Armani’s 5th Avenue store opening in New York City wearing a purple satin scarf.  Is that an ascot?  I never know.  Either way, the last wisp of imagined heterosexuality has officially been erradicated.

Also there, Victoria Beckham looking as muscular as ever, Solange Knowles wearing a bunch of shit that doesn’t match, and John Mayer.