Now see?  This is what I like to see.  Rob Van Winkle, or Vanilla Ice, apologizing for the fuckery he spewed all over the pop culture of 1990.  I graduated high school the same year, let me do the math for you-I’m 37 this year, and this horrible Queen/David Bowie rip-off will forever be intrinsically tied to my every memory of acid wash and prom.  Sadly, he did not apologize for having striped eyebrows or for beating the shit out of his wife.  Oh well.  Baby steps; I’m working on forgiveness.

Other celebrity apologies I feel we are owed-and feel free to add your own:

1)  Lil’ Kim for her face.

2)  The entire cast of Ocean’s Twelve for Ocean’s Twelve.

3)  The Olsen twins for charging $1700 for a pair of pants from their collection, The Row.

4)  Scarlett Johansson for singing.

5)  Oprah Winfrey for every single word that has ever come out of her mouth.  Hey, did I mention I set up an “I hate Oprah” group on Facebook?

Thanks Ignatius!

Here’s the video I was talking about earlier, where Vanilla Ice totally loses his shit and destroys a studio.

This is so funny. I was laughing my ass off in Chez Eggplant watching it.

Thanks to Mary E for tracking it down.

Okay. I’m all settled in Seattle now. I slept for like 12 hours last night, which is something I think I really needed to do, and now I’m all set up in my new furnished apartment in Queen Anne. It was the best deal I could get on such short notice, but it’s pretty spacious and all the decorations are red and purple. I’m calling it Chez Eggplant. My lease specifically says no smoking and no pets. I plan to both smoke and, eventually, get a pet. I scoff at authority. I’m so badass.

You know who else is badass?

Vanilla Ice, who was arrested last night on charges of domestic battery. I guess he and his wife were arguing about something, and he pushed her. Ice spent the night in jail, and this morning was ordered to stay away from his wife, although he’s allowed to call her on the phone.

God, does anyone else remember that one thing — I think it was on MTV — where they had, like, Jon Stewart, Janeane Garofalo and Vanilla Ice talking about something, and suddenly Vanilla Ice just lost his shit and started destroying the studio while Jon and Janeane looked on awkwardly? Am I making this up or does someone else remember it?

Anyway, I know there’s no excuse for domestic violence, but seriously how stupid do you have to be to marry this creep?