Rumors began this morning that Josh Hartnett had sexual relations with some chick in a hotel library, and the library’s security cameras caught the whole thing in grainy black-and-white detail.

This story raises a number of questions, the most pressing of which is: since when do hotels have libraries? Who the hell calls room service like “Um, yes, I’ll have a cheeseburger, a bottle of Shiraz and anything Upton Sinclair wrote before 1925.”

WTF?

At any rate, if this tape does exist, the infamous producers of the Paris Hilton sex tape wanna get their hands on it and they’ve offered whoever has the tape $500K for it.

We are the number one distributors of celebrity sex tapes and we encourage the owners of the tape to bring it to us,” said David Joseph, CEO of Red Light District. “Josh shouldn’t be embarrassed. As we’ve seen with Paris Hilton, these tapes can make a career not hurt it and since Josh is considered a sex symbol, we would expect women to help increase sales.”

I’m okay with this, as long as we can all agree to call it Black Hawk Goes Down. Anything else would be a gross mishandling of justice.