It’s 2009 and I’ve written two pieces in one week about blackface.  What is wrong with this picture?  And I ask that question in both a colloquial and literal manner.

The newest offender is French Vogue.  This month’s issue contains a 14-page spread of model Lara Stone appearing in blackface.  There is no reference to it in the text of the magazine.  Is this art?  Were they aiming for an ethnic look?  Why didn’t they just hire a black model?  I don’t have the answers and I don’t understand why this is still happening today.

Of course, I also just read about an interracial couple who was denied a marriage license in Louisiana yesterday.  Reason for denial?  To prevent any future children from having to suffer society’s prejudices.  Reminder:  It’s 2009.  Outrageous.

It’s possible that you were one of the hundreds of thousands of people who followed the unfolding saga yesterday of Balloon Boy.  It all started out when the media was reporting that a boy climbed into the basket of a hot air balloon, untethered it, and floated off into the sky.

As facts were clarified, it ended up being a helium balloon.  I felt so bad for this drifting six year old until I saw that this aircraft was basically a package of Jiffy Pop floating around.  There is no way that something that equates to being a Mylar beret would be able to lift a first grader.

Then it was revealed that this ironically-named child, Falcon — when my mother first heard a news reporter refer to him as “Falcon”, she just thought he was making a tasteless joke — belonged to a crazy family that was on an episode of Wife Swap.  I had never seen the show but actually did watch a rerun a couple weeks ago and it was of this family.  They sleep in their clothes so they are prepared to jump out of bed and chase storms at any time.  They. Are. Nuts.

The cynic in me started thinking hoax.  Falcon was eventually found safe and sound in the garage.  When CNN asked Falcon if he heard his parents calling for him, he looked at his dad and replied, “You guys said that … we did this for the show.”  Aw, shizzle.

Back in July, Limp Bizkit’s frontman Fred Durst was scheduled to be married.  He called it off at the last minute, claiming “cold feet”.  Then he went crawling back to his jilted girlfriend, she took him back and they tied the knot.  Listen, if your man heads for the hills at the thought of your wedding day, do not marry him!  You cannot enter into a (hopefully!) lifelong union feeling hesitant.  Carrie Bradshaw, are you listening?

Anyway, Fred married Esther Nazarov in July and last month made his Twitter announcement that they “fell apart” and their relationship could not be fixed.  Yesterday, Durst filed for divorce in Los Angeles, thus legally calling for an end to a ninety-day union that just didn’t have the strength to go on.

I’d wish Esther good luck and a huge settlement, but since Durst hasn’t sold an album since George W. Bush’s first year of presidency, I’m not feeling too optimistic.

LL will be in court today.  She’s still on probation from her DUIs and coke charges if you can fathom it.  She still manages to be a train wreck both domestically and abroad, but she’s on probation (after she spent that harrowing 84 minutes in jail).  Ah, celebrity privilege.

Anyway, the judge is checking up on her compliance with probation terms surrounding her required substance abuse program.  Lohan is in a program?  Unless it’s called “The Art of Prescription Pills” I find that hard to believe.  Basically, the court is looking for a progress report on Linds which should be clearly evident just by looking at her.  Unwashed hair plus overuse of tanner, black leggings and face filler multiplied by the amount of times her Twitter account has been hijacked equals “Save This Girl From Herself”.  It’s simple math.

The original Fergie is about to turn 50, but unfortunately had to trash plans for a 300-guest bash.  The economy is hitting all of us hard and it’s being especially taxing (har, har) to the Duchess of York.

Fergie paid off a £4million debt she ran up after divorcing Andrew in 1996 by working for Wedgwood china and Weight Watchers in the US, but has lost both contracts.

The source said: “It feels like bankruptcy is a case of ‘when’ rather than ‘if’.

“If she doesn’t get her finances under control she will end up millions in debt again. Someone may have to bail her out. It is not the fact she is over-spending or even extravagant. Sarah’s problem is she has a big heart and can’t stop trying to help other people. She is always flying to places and the costs are mounting up.

“Given the amount of work she does for others she deserves to be happy.”

Last week we revealed the duchess, whose TV documentary on poor British families flopped, could face bankruptcy over a £17,000 bill to image consultant Richard Owen.

She has been taken to court by three firms in the past year over debts of £21,539.

Days ago, her New York media firm announced plans to shut with debts over £630,000.

Her spokesman said: “She will work through the situation.”

I wonder how bankruptcy works for royals.  Like, do they have to sell off a manse?  Cut down on some house staff?  Does the bank take possession of all tiaras?

Last night Pam walked the runway in a Richie Rich fashion show.  Sometimes, the pictures really do speak a thousand adjectives.  Here’s a start:

Alarming, bloodcurdling, chilling, creepy, eerie, hair-raising, horrendous, horrifying,intimidating, shocking, spine-chilling, spooky, unnerving, bizarre, crawly, frightening, ghostly, mysterious, scary,spectral, strange, supernatural, unearthly, weird.  Oh, and tan.  Really, really tan.

We were all surprised when the media reports claimed that cocaine contributed to Billy Mays’ death.  I couldn’t picture Mays as a dude with some big drug problem (though he was a little hyper) and was shocked when the coroner’s office cited it as a factor in his passing.

Well, there’s new news today.  As it turns out, the cocaine wasn’t used on the day of his death and didn’t cause him to die.  According to the medical examiner, Mays was an occasional cocaine user and didn’t use the drug in a chronic and life-threatening quantity.  This basically backs up Mays family’s claims.

I’m not really sure what the message is here:  Use cocaine just once in a while and it won’t kill you.  Enjoy!  Sniff …