Levi Johnston, seller of pistachios, taker of nudie pics and former fiance of Bristol Palin is now taking action to gain joint custody of his son, Tripp. Levi feels that the family is making it so hard to see his son that he really has no choice but the take the Palin family to court.

This is probably not such a wise move considering his upcoming issue of Playgirl has been in the news daily since it was announced, and he’s done the kind of press tour to smack talk his ex’s family that normally only an A-list actor would do to promote their summer blockbuster.

What seems so obvious about this whole thing is that Levi was, in fact, spending time with Tripp when he spoke about it on the Tyra Banks show almost a year ago. It seems like as soon as Levi started to make a public image for himself, he didn’t decide to skulk off in ot the distance like an ex-Real World castmate who just wants a normal life. Instead, he jumped at the chance to do what he could to stay in the spotlight and in the process of doing so, alienated the family that technically has control over how much he gets to see his baby boy. I’m just sayin’ Levi, maybe if you took a break from all the spotlight hogging, you’d maybe even get to give your son a Christmas present face-to-face.

Conservatives caught wind of this 36-second clip of Sesame Street re-run — it originally aired during the Bush presidency and ran again last week — and they are not amused.  Well, at least some of them don’t think it’s very funny.

If you can’t watch, let me break it down for you:  Oscar the Grouch starts his own network called GNN (Grouchy News Network).  Right here, I gotta say, that’s funny shit and not just for the toddler set.  I’ve been laughing about it for at least 17 seconds.  A female caller dials in to Oscar’s show and eventually claims that she’s going to start watching Pox News, “a trashy news show.”

This is Sesame Street, dudes.  It needs to be kept innocent and clean and free of political agenda, especially considering that it is partially funded by American tax dollars.  Let’s just allow our kids to focus on deaf Linda and her hot romance with Bob the shop keeper.  Yes, I’ve realized that these characters are probably dead now, but I live in 1975 — it’s how I roll.

Whilst a Sesame Street spokesperson claimed that it was meant to be a “harmless parody,” PBS Ombudsman Michael Getler had this to say about the skit:  ”I don’t know what was in the head of the producers, but my guess is that this was one of those parodies that was too good to resist. But it should have been resisted. Broadcasters can tell parents whatever they think of Fox or any other network, but you shouldn’t do it through the kids.

Whew.  Now that we’ve got that resolved, I’d like to announce tomorrow’s Sesame Street guest:  Michelle Obama.  Yep, I’m serious.

There were a couple of surprises at the box office this weekend.  Jim Carrey’s A Christmas Carol delivered on the low end of expectations, pulling in $31M.  Michael Jackson’s This Is It is still pulling in big bucks even though “It” wasn’t the two-week limited engagement that it was originally hyped as.

The Men Who Stare at Goats premiered in third place, despite trailer commercials running every twenty minutes for the past two weeks.  Precious — an Oprah Winfrey Production — also premiered this weekend and you’ll see that it’s nowhere on the list of top ten flicks.  It only played in limited release, 18 theaters, and pulled in $1.8M.  That is, like, huge — $100,000 in revenue per theater versus $8,418 per theater for this week’s number one movie.  I had no idea that the Oprah followers were still so plentiful.

Lastly, the premiere of Cameron Diaz’s The Box tanked once everyone realized it wasn’t a badly named porn flick.

1. “A Christmas Carol,” $31 million.

2. “Michael Jackson’s This Is It,” $14 million.

3. “The Men Who Stare at Goats,” $13.3 million.

4. “The Fourth Kind,” $12.5 million.

5. “Paranormal Activity,” $8.6 million.

6. “The Box,” $7.9 million.

7. “Couples Retreat,” $6.4 million.

8. “Law Abiding Citizen,” $6.2 million.

9. “Where the Wild Things Are,” $4.2 million.

10. “Astro Boy,” $2.6 million.

Molly Sims wants the world to know that she’s about so much more than just tits and ass.  I was already convinced after her Emmy-worthy stint on the new 90210.

I can’t say that this video is especially funny, but three minutes and seventeen seconds of Molly cavorting in a bikini is certainly something that should brighten up your mundane Thursday.

When you pore over hundreds of pictures of celebs every day, you start to see similarities.  Sometimes I notice that Rosie O’Donnell’s wife refuses to touch her during any public appearance and sometimes I’ll notice a few notables all wearing the same dress and every once in a while I’m fortunate to spot a very familiar douche stance.  What is it about douche’s and their insatiable need to straddle things with engines?

In fairness, Jon Gosselin was back to his Daddy duties yesterday and actually got his kids off the school bus.  Isn’t it sad that this is like, an event?  INF, like all the photo agencies, does nothing but watch Jon Gosselin all day.  Yesterday they reported that Jon rode a dirt bike and four-wheeler all afternoon until it was time to pick up the twins from school.  Seriously, that was his day — a day made possible by those TLC paychecks that will no longer be coming.  What a life Jon has and how grateful he should be both to a network that took an interest in his family and to his eight adorable children who kept viewers coming back for more.

The last time I wrote about Sean Penn, his agent sent me a little email and it wasn’t to congratulate me on my wit.  Well, I’m back with more Sean Penn news and I wish it was more favorable, yet I’m relieved that I’m not reporting that Sean and Robin Wright are back together again.

Penn’s son, the commode formerly known as Hopper was arrested at his Malibu high school last week.  He’s a minor, just 16 years old, so authorities aren’t releasing any details on the charges.  Therefore, we can only speculate on where the lad went wrong.  I was thinking that maybe he was bagged for painting graffiti on the walls or you know, trying to steal a car.  I’m sure it wasn’t um, *sniff* substance-related.

Stay tuned; it’s only a matter of time before the principal an unnamed source comes forth with the real story.

Jon is on his apology tour and now Kate was all apologetic on last night’s TLC special, Kate:  Her Story.  Since they can’t film the kids anymore, we are treated to 42 minutes of Kate Gosselin’s thoughts and insight every single Monday night.

Kate admits to being too hard on Jon, but immediately negates her admission by stating that she had to handle everything.  You know what I think?  I think she took control over everything in their lives because it gave her the power to boss Jon around and then blame him when everything went to hell.  They both just wear me out so much, y’all.  (I’d also like to take this opportunity to apologize for my recent overuse of “y’all.”  I’m not from the south and I’m not Britney Spears.  I have no good excuse.)

This is a whole lotta mea culpas goin’ on.  Could there be a reunion of these two?  Jon & Kate Decorate:  For The Holidays, That is.