Hello my lovelies.

Just a heads-up that posting will be slow tomorrow, because I am graduating!!! The incomparable Evil T is trekking from NYC to LA to celebrate with me (I LOVE YOU T!!!) so we’ll be down two bloggers. Lars will still be around, so if he finds it in his heart to post, feel free to heckle. And there’s always the distant possibility that my drunken out-of-town friends will gain access to my computer late at night, at which point I don’t know what you should expect. Poor spelling, at the very least. And possibly photos of their nipples. They all keep bugging me to make them famous, you know …

Wow, it’s been awhile since we’ve seen Calista Flockhart pics. Here she is at her son’s baseball game. [A Socialite's Life]

NBA wunderkind LeBron James is a daddy! [Bossip]

Angelina Jolie’s all like, “Look, I’d like to keep my private life private” and the media’s all like, “WE HAVE RIGHTS, BITCH!” [Cele|bitchy]

Amy Winehouse beats up her husband when she’s drunk. [Warship]

Kelly Clarkson has canceled her summer tour because the album sucks, her label hates her and she fired her manager. [POTP]

Kathy Hilton takes some time out her busy schedule of visiting her daughter in jail to watch Barbara Walters get her star on the Boulevard. [popbytes]

It seems the world is still under the impression that Nicole Richie’s internal organs are capable of sustaining a pregnancy. [Mollygood]

THE OLSEN TWINS ARE 21!!!!! Holy shit, now they’re going to start drinking and doing drugs and going out to clubs and getting into fights with Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and … oh, wait. [IBBB]

Apparently Meg Ryan acquired a baby recently. [Celebslam]

Well, we already knew that.

But now she’s asking for a different kind of help. Apparently Miss Spears once again managed to gain access to her website, BritneySpears.com, and left a little post asking fans to help her name her new album. Here are her suggestions:

1. Omg is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like
2. What if the Joke is on You
3. Down boy
4. Integrity
5. Dignity

Britney, why don’t you leave poking fun at Lindsay Lohan to the pros, okay? And I assure you the joke is not on me, as I made quite a pretty penny late last year when my website was the #1 Google hit for “Britney Spears crotch shot,” which led interested parties to pictures of your vagina. On the other hand, if one were to do a Google search for “Evil Beet crotch shot,” one is, once again, greeted by photos of your vagina (and Lindsay Lohan’s). So, yeah, what if the joke’s not so much on me?

It’s a damn shame there not a write-in option.

Here is lovely Emma Roberts and the premiere of “Nancy Drew.” Every year she looks more like Auntie Julia. Seriously…from what I’ve heard she is a lovely little actress as well. Let us just hope she stays very far away from girls named Lindsay, Paris, Nicole, ect…

Honestly if I was the parent of an up and coming young actress I would lock her up until she turned 21.

Brad Pitt is not such a big fan of Jen Aniston’s new boy-toy. [popbytes]

Woah, Katie Holmes cut her hair. And looks amazing, in my opinion. [Gabsmash]

Petra Nemcova topless. Go. [Drunken Stepfather]

Eminem continues to take the high road regarding his relationship with Mariah Carey. And by “high road” I of course mean “not the high road.” [Cele|bitchy]

How could we ever get sick of pictures of Nicole Richie and Joel Madden? [Daily Stab]

Look, when Matthew McConaughey asks you to take off your shirt and make out with the girl next to you, you do what the man says. [Yeeeah!]

I simply can’t imagine why a segment of the gay population is unhappy that John Travolta is starring in the upcoming movie version of Hairspray. [Holy Candy]

Good Charlotte is going on tour with Justin Timberlake. [SOW]

Yeah whatever. You can wear all the glamorous evening gowns you want, you’ll always be Flipper chick to me.

At the Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer premiere in London.

Brandy’s lil’ bro (and Whitney Houston’s current beau) Ray-J is going to produce porn. But the actors are going to be “really nice, really classy,” so it’s totally okay. [Bossip]

I love love love that Juliette Lewis has a band. [Cele|bitchy]

Celine Dion bikini pics!!! I know what you’re thinking: “Ew.” You, my friend, are in for a surprise. [Celebslam]

Jamie Lee Curtis would like to blame Paris, Lindsay and Britney’s moms for their current predicaments. Because, you know, when your 26-year-old ass gets sent to jail for violating your DUI probation, it’s totally your mom’s fault, because why should anyone ever take personal responsibility for their actions and the consequences? [Celebrity Smack]

Oh, this is sad. The Real World: San Diego’s Frankie has succumbed to cystic fibrosis. RIP, chica. [POTP]

Linda Hamilton still rocks. [popbytes]

Paris Hilton got dropped by her agent. [Warship]

Ryan Phillippe spends some quality time with daughter Ava. [Ninja Dude]

Tom Cruise bought Katie Holmes her own jet. She must have renegotiated her contract recently. [SOW]

Jessica Alba picks a bikini wedgie. Genius. [Allie]

Sorry links are so late today. I was busy all day studying for and taking my very last final of graduate school. Somebody give me a motherfucking cookie. Or, you know, a job. A job would be cool too. (Who am I kidding? I don’t want a real job.)

Anyway, here goes:

Looks like Whoopi Goldberg’s going to be replacing Rosie on The View. The show was able to attract her because their demo will continue to ensure that no one born after 1990 will ever have heard of Whoopi Goldberg. [A Socialite's Life]

Lily Allen does Elle. [popbytes]

Paris Hilton chats on the phone with Barbara Walters. Apparently she really wants to get involved with humanitarian causes, which I’m sure will last every bit as long as Hyde continues to throw those Save Darfur parties. [Jordan]

Did X17 steal those photos of Lindsay Lohan with the knives from a camera she left in her car? God I hope so. [Celebrity Smack]

Rihanna claims that Jay-Z wants to screen all the guys she dates. I bet Beyonce wants to screen them, too, and toss out all the ones who don’t have herpes. [Bossip]

Serena Williams’ ass gives Kim Kardashian’s a run for its money. [Celebslam]

Is Britney getting back together with K-Fed? Dude, I’m almost rooting for it. [F&C]

Carmen Electra’s half-naked and dancing. Act surprised. [Derek Hail]

Which 17-year-old TV hellion has taken to boozing extra hard in NYC clubs now that a Los Angeles crackdown on underage drinking means she can’t get through the door in Hollywood?

Guesses?

Hayden Panettiere is the only 17-year-old female TV star that comes to mind for me, but we don’t hear a lot of tales of her boozing. Who else is there?

[source]