Remember when I wrote this and so many people got into a lather thinking that I could draw oxygen on this planet and think that Tori Spelling was pretty?  Oh, you didn’t know me very well back then, did you?  Head-turning Tori appeared at Christian Siriano’s Fall 2009 show yesterday at Fashion Week.  Her face makes me wonder-Are you supposed to be able to see the implants under the skin?

Of course, this picture was taken after Tori’s freak-out session.  When she arrived at the show, a guard asked to see her invitation.  After a couple minutes of “Don’t you know who I am?  I’m Donna Fucking Martin, the one who has no trouble being the oldest virgin in 90210 because I’m so fucking ugly,” she was promptly ushered to her stable seat.

At the LA premiere of Waiting in Beijing.

You know, most of the time, Tori Spelling bores me, but when it gets into the hate/hate relationship she has with her mom, I’m just fascinated. Tori’s new book has had its release date bumped up — to coincide with the release date of her mom’s tell-all!

Candy is releasing her memoir, Stories From Candyland, on April 14, 2009. Tori’s sophomore effort, Mommywood, was originally supposed to be released two weeks later, on April 28.

But several sources now tell me Tori’s book will now come out on—you guessed it—April 14!

Does this mean the two will have joint book readings and signings at your local Barnes & Noble? Don’t bet on it.

If things go as well for Tori as they did for her first book, sTORI Telling, she won’t need anybody else’s help. The 288-page tome actually hit No. 1 on the New York Times best-seller list.

A rep for Tori insists the change in publication date has nothing to do with her mother. “It was the publisher’s decision to change the release date of Mommywood to April 14, in order to participate in special Mother’s Day promotions with major retailers,” the rep said.

Is anyone planning to buy either of these books? Who are the thousands and thousands of people who bought sTORI Telling? Was it any good???

More importantly: Whose book is gonna win come April 14?

And, yes, I did dig up a photo of the mother/daughter duo from 1983. It’s practically the last time they were photographed together without Aaron in the middle keeping the peace.

I’m all Halloweened out.  Andmaybe you are too.  Here are some happy family sightings at the Backyardigans Live! Malaria No More Breakfast Benefit in LA this morning.  Pretty Tori Spelling with her husband Dean McDermott, baby Liam and step-son Jack.  Jack looks like he sure loves the whore who broke up his family. 

Also there was Jenny McCarthy and her formerly autistic son Evan.  I dunno.  She took him off wheat so he could live life to its fullest potential and then puts him in crocs?  What’s the point?

There is something in the water in Hollywood. Seriously everyone is having a baby. I understand this is a new trend but one I can not follow. I have a dog…she is enough to handle plus I finally just got back in my jeans after my holiday eating extravaganza.

Tori Spelling…who seemed to just get all skinny again (not that she never was…I mean the woman seemed to gain like 5 pounds when she was preggos) is evidently in her second trimester already.

Her son, Liam, just turned 1 and I guess they are eager to keep expanding their family. This marriage seems to be going strong even though it started out in scandal. I’m happy for Tori and Dean.

Their reality show was also just renewed…ohhhhh a reality show about a woman getting ready to have a baby. That has never been done. Oh…wait…yes is has. Over and over again. Honestly I want to go over to Hollywood and sit the writers and the big wigs down and make them watch “Tori and Dean Inn Love” for 24 hours straight…I bet that would help negotiations.

I love reality TV, really I do. I have issues, however, with “Celeb Reality” shows. I don’t know why I hate them so much but I do. I loved Tori’s first “unscripted” show, “So noTORIous,” partially because her mom, Candy, was played by Loni Anderson but this new venture makes me a little ill. It is cute how she is playing Suzie Housewife but do you really want to watch Tori Spelling sell all of her crap at a yard sale? Sadly, I feel as though America does and this show might do well. It is on the Oxygen network, however, which doesn’t bode well for the show. That seems to be where they throw the crappy reality tv shows that aren’t good enough for Vh1.

Teri Hatcher had a lunch date with George Bush, Sr. I’m not sure which of them I feel more sorry for. [Faded Youth]

Lance and Reichen had a love that could have lasted a lifetime … if it weren’t for some dude from Real World: Denver. [ICYDK]

Mischa and Cisco had a love that could have lasted a lifetime … if it weren’t for that picture of his gigantic testicles that made the Internet rounds. [Cele|bitchy]

Breaking: Angelina Jolie is thin. [The Bosh]

Yeah, okay, so Tori Spelling’s like 20 months pregnant, but is that really any excuse to look like Kirstie Alley? [The Blog You Love to Hate]

Blah blah blah … Ryan O’Neal … blah blah son drunk … blah blah blah pregnant girlfriend battered … blah blah blah … Gloria Allred? Jesus. [TMZ]

Will Nicky Hilton face actual consequences for her participation in her sister’s bigoted video projects? Maybe. You know who won’t face actual consequences? Paris. Ever. [MollyGood]