I mean, from a height perspective, it would just work better, doncha think?

Tom, Katie, Will and Jada all attended the very first annual Black Women in Hollywood luncheon on Thursday.

And while I’m all about recognizing the work of black women in Hollywood, I also think the surest way to make such an event not about black women in Hollywood is to have Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise there. I mean, I guess it means people like me are writing about it, but, in all honesty, I saw these pics of Tom & Katie and thought to myself, “Hm, I want to use these pictures. Now I just have to figure out a way to involve black people, too, or I’ll take shit for writing about a Black Women in Hollywood luncheon while running a photo of Tom Cruise.” But you know what? That’s what everyone is going to do.

Thoughts?

Clearly, I love when celebs say stupid things – why else why I be filling in for her majesty, Ms. Evil Beet, this week? Thankfully the gossip gods rewarded me this morning with something fun, right about here.

Let’s break this thing down.

Adam Sandler: Stop Picking on Tom Cruise

Already I’m excited and tingly.

“To see anyone’s private life invaded and mocked like this is sickening,” Adam Sandler tells PEOPLE in an exclusive statement.

Hmm, you know, I almost sort of agree with this statement. However, I’ve got to wonder, why folks aren’t invading Adam’s life? Could it be because he doesn’t go on TV as a mouthpiece for his religion? Just a thought.

Earlier this month, Andrew Morton’s scathing biography of Cruise hit shelves; meanwhile, a pro-Scientology video starring the actor hit the Internet and became the butt of jokes.

Dude, that video is INSANE. It is insane in the membrane. You simply must laugh at that, there is no other rational response. Oh, and someone wrote a book? Okay. These things tend to happen when you pull down $20m a film and run a studio.

Actually, you know what, let’s do a little test here. Ready? Go!

What do you know about Will Smith and/or Tom Hanks? When is the last paparazzi shot you saw of him? How many times has he gone on The Today show saying psychiatrists are the enemy? How many times has he bashed Brooke Shields? If you answered 1) Not much 2) I don’t recall 3) Zero and 4) Never you win! That’s right guys, you can actually be a major star in this universe AND not become the butt of jokes. How do you do it? Maintain some sense of privacy and admit that you may not have the final word on all things spirituality. Sheesh.

The drivel continues:

But many of Cruise’s friends and colleagues are not laughing. Dustin Hoffman, Cruise’s Rain Man co-star, tells PEOPLE: “Tom Cruise is an American and has the right to freedom of speech and freedom of religion.”

I love that they credit Rain Man which came out around 1975. Nice pull. Also, and I’m going to put this in CAPS because it really is crucial to this discussion:

NO ONE HAS TAKEN AWAY TOM’S RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH OR RELIGION.

I mean really. Dustin, no way are you that stupid. You can’t be. You only fly Quantas airlines. The fact of the matter is we’re all using our freedom of speech to point out that, at this moment, Tom Cruise is one scary dude. But as far as I know nobody has shown up and demanded he put down the Scientology pipe. You have a right to say whatever you like and everyone else has the right to ignore/ridicule you.

“Imagine having a baby and people talking about it the way they did,” says Stiller. “People lose sight of the fact that Tom Cruise is actually a person. I feel for him.”

What do you know about Ben Stiller? Nada? Yes, that’s because he hasn’t preached to you. It’s weird how people become uncomfortable with others using their fame in matters of faith. Would it be hard to be Tommy right now? Probably so. But if he just wanted to live a normal private life he could have easily done that. Instead he’s chosen to project that he has the moral highground on matters of God and religion.

Plus, no offense, he turned Katie Holmes into a robot which was SUPER uncool.

I really liked her.

**Update**
As commenter Snow Ball mentions; I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Click sucked on wheels. So you watch yourself Adam.

Here’s Jerry O’Connell spoofing our favorite guy Tommy Cruise. Boom, boom, shake the room!

Tom Cruise takes son Connor to dinner at The Cut at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel.

Wearing a suit!

On your 13th birthday!

Alone with your father!

Oh, how fun!

“Having Suri and Tom [on set] was wonderful,” she said at the premiere of her new film, Mad Money. “You think you love to do something and then you have the people you love there. It makes it a billion times better and you didn’t realize you were missing that before. It’s like ‘Oh my God, life can be this good.’”

Ugh. She has to be crazy, right? Or brainwashed? What the hell were Suri and Tom doing on set with her every day? Isn’t that a little insane? I mean, okay, I guess I see the point in having the whole family together, but, like, plenty of people go to work every day without their husbands and young children, and the family turns out just fine. Does Tom do anything these days except follow Katie around like a puppy dog? Isn’t it important in a marriage to have independent lives? If I were Katie, I’d be secretly like, “I am so sick of this aging troll clinging to me.”

When asked about Nicole Kidman’s pregnancy, she said, “I’m so happy for her. It’s wonderful.”

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes attend the premiere of Mad Money in LA.

Katie’s beautiful, but she kind of looks like a bobblehead doll.

Oh, this is rich. In a new interview with Parade magazine, the increasingly normal-seeming Katie Holmes announces that Tom’s two adopted children — from his marriage to Nicole Kidman, call her “Mom”:

His first two children are incredible, really smart and kind. They call me “Mom.”

Nicole’s the same woman who recently talked about how very, very sad she’d be if she couldn’t have a biological kid. If I were one of her adopted kids, I wouldn’t want to call that woman “Mom,” either.

Full interview with Katie is after the jump.

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