I wrote awhile back about how ridiculous and desperate I felt it was that Valkyrie was opening on Christmas Day. A friend emailed me later that night to point out that Schindler’s List also opened on Christmas Day. “Somehow,” I told her, “I don’t think this is going to be comparable.”

Here are some excerpts from an early review of this feel-good Hitler-assassinating holiday flick (emphasis mine).

Turns out Cruise is both the central figure in “Valkyrie” and its weakest link. He’s distractingly bad in this, the iconography of his celebrity so strongly overshadowing his performance. He’s just too powerfully contemporary. With his hard, flat American accent, he stands out in every single scene. And he’s not a good enough actor to immerse himself in this kind of period piece, or allow us to do the same. (Then again, if he had affected a German accent – or a British one to blend in among his co-stars – he would have invited derision for that, too. Maybe the guy just can’t win.) … Cruise undermines the potential of “Valkyrie” at every turn. He’s outclassed and outmatched by every member of the strong supporting cast, any of whom would have been more believable as Stauffenberg …

But we never get a sense of inner conflict, of the doubt he may have felt in betraying his duties, of the fear he may have faced in putting himself and his family in danger by going through with the plan. When Stauffenberg states with clenched-jawed, hushed certitude, “We have to kill Hitler,” we’ll just have to take his word for it that he feels strongly about the task he’s about to lead … The whole effort feels rather smoothly detached. The actual bomb-orchestration sequence is well-staged and has a few breathless moments, but a scene that’s supposed to be pivotal and poignant – when Stauffenberg reluctantly thrusts his partially amputated arm in the air and declares “Heil Hitler!” – instead comes off as laughable.

Ouch, ouch, ouch. BIG ouchies there.

I expect my headline here is going to be one of many, many, many jokes made in the next week or two where you basically pair the concept of a failed Hitler assassination with the concept of a failed movie. Collect ‘em all!

I raced to Google when I saw these pictures, in the vain hope that at least one of Tom Cruise’s kids was old enough to legally purchase cigarettes.  The mother in me just cannot allow myself to be critical of 16 and 12 year-old children.  Which these two are.  Can you believe it?  Don’t they look so much older than that?  What 16 year-old wears jacquard? 

You rarely hear much about Tom Cruise’s kids.  I was impressed that they are never in the papers for their DUI’s and Vegas quickies.  Yeah.  That’s because they are in the Oxy10 zone right now.  We have years to wait before a tell-all can even be a possibility. 

Isabella and Connor Cruise accompanying their dad to the Valkyrie premiere in LA.

Valkyrie, Tom Cruise’s painfully ill-fated Third Reich flick, has made a last-minute decision to open on Christmas Day rather than later that week.

Um … who goes to the movies on Christmas?

If you guessed “Jews and families with small children and other demographics who would rather stare at a bathroom wall than your Hitler movie, dude,” you’d be correct. You should also consider shooting an email over to the folks at United Artists, since apparently they didn’t get that memo.

This is going to be a remarkably embarrassing opening day for Cruise.

What do we think?

Looks like it’ll be a great photo shoot, if nothing else.

“There’s a misperception about me that I just became this wallflower, this woman who doesn’t have any control of her life,” says Katie in the issue hitting newsstands Sunday, which includes a feature on TomKat’s life. “And that’s pretty wrong. From the very beginning, I’ve made choices in my life that have been very strong.”

It is certainly very cool to look at the evolution of Katie Holmes — from this girl-next-door TV starlet to this glamorous, untouchable woman of mystery.

More pics of Katie here.

Dude, I don’t understand this at all.

Tom Cruise is to merge his family with Victoria and David Beckham’s in a special ceremony.

The ‘Valkyrie’ actor will hold the bizarre service – during which the families vow to be brothers and sisters and exchange heartfelt speeches – at his wife Katie Holmes’ New York town house.

The gesture serves as a Thanksgiving present from Tom – who has two adopted teenage children, Isabella and Connor, with ex-wife Nicole Kidman and a two-year-old daughter, Suri, with Katie – to the showbiz couple.

A source said: “Tom and David have been friends for years and they and their families spend a lot of time together.

“This year Tom wanted to make a special gesture that would show how much he appreciates their friendship and he thought this would be the perfect way.”

So, uh, let me get this straight: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are busy adopting children from third-world countries, but Tom Cruise has decided to focus his energies on adopting international soccer stars and former girl-banders? Okay. I’m just checking.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes take little Suri for a Thanksgiving walk outside Central Park on Thursday.

She’s FINALLY keeping warm!

Perhaps most surprisingly: Bella was in some of the photos!!!!

They actually let her be in the same park as them sometimes!!!

How kind-hearted.

Image via WENN

Suri Cruise wishes everybody would just be quiet for a minute, as she attempts to get into the car following an outing with her parents.