Yes, folks, it’s that time of year again! A male prostitute claims to have had a gay dalliance with Tom Cruise! And someone is using it to try to sell a book! Hollywood Interrupted was “leaked” a chapter. In it, “Big Red” talks about his sexual misadventures with Tom Cruise during the filming of Eyes Wide Shut, as well as his rendezvous with other big name stars. It’s definitely not a PG read, and it’s not in line to win either a Pulitzer or a spelling bee, but please, please try to hang in there until Red deftly compares anal intercourse with Garth Brooks to “fucking a whale.” Because, you know, how funny is that?

From Moby’s blog. I’ve noted the spelling errors. I post this mostly because I agree, and because it echoes almost eerily the sentiments I expressed when Brad and Angelina stuck their kid on the cover of People. I’ve corrected the spelling mostly because I don’t really like Moby, either, and because nothing’s funnier to me than a moral high ground expressed fearlessly and spelled incorrectly. So without further ado:

are you kidding me?
putting your fucking CHILD on the cover of vanity fair?
are they out of their minds?
using a child as a p.r prop???
argh. question: what is more important, your ability to shepherd a child through life and give it a healthy foundation for the hardships of existence, or usingit to get a vanity fair cover?
using children as p.r props does disgust me, i have to admit.
in the grand scheme of things fame pales in comparison to family and child-rearing.
i don’t know tom cruise and katie holmes, but i really cannot for a second fathom the mindset of parents who would sell pictures of their children and use their children to get better press coverage.
i’m sorry, i try not to be too judgemental judgmental, but it’s gross.
shouldn’t children have to be cogniscent cognizant of what’s actually going on before they’re being used by their parents to be on the cover of magazines?
not to sound too old fashioned, but if parenthood and infancy are not sacred in our culture, what is?
it just seems fucking grotesque to me, to use your newborn to get press coverage.
ugh.
moby

HELLO SEPTEMBER 12.

I love you.

• I think our nation’s club owners have figured out that turning away Paris Hilton is a surefire way to get their club’s name in all the papers. I’m totally okay with that, Rose Bar at Ian Schrager’s Gramercy Park Hotel.
• I don’t know at what point Tom Cruise stopped being hot, but it totally happened.
• Britney Spears got that baby out, a healthy baby boy born just before 2 am on September 12. After cutting the umbilical cord, the doctors pierced the baby’s ear and tattooed his upper arm.
• I don’t know if the bigger news is that Jude and Sienna are dating again, or that Us Weekly’s blog totally said “f-buddies.”
• Justin Timberlake’s avant-garde masterpiece, FutureSex/LoveSounds, drops today. You know you’ve really pushed the boundaries of contemporary soundscape when the whole album is available on MTV’s The Leak.
• Eva Longoria takes a pre-emptive strike against her imminent irrelevance; it’s not that she won’t have options after Desperate Housewives runs its threadbare course, it’s just that she doesn’t want to do any of them.

• Orlando Bloom decides he can’t see Kate Bosworth anymore. No, really, he can’t actually see her anymore.
• It’s official: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes found a baby to adopt! Katie Couric kicked off her CBS career with the pics. From the looks of the kid, some 15-year-old prostitute in Cambodia is a real big fan of Scientology these days.
• It’s not that Victoria Beckham is pregnant, it’s just that her husband doesn’t speak Spanish.
• When a lot of rich people have invested a lot of money in you, you don’t have to go to jail for petty things like using heroin and selling cocaine to teenagers in rehab. Isn’t that right, Pete Doherty?
• Jessica Simpson denies she’s dating John Mayer on the View today. So if we could just get a moratorium on all “Is Jessica Simpson’s Body a Wonderland?” headlines for awhile, that’d be great, mmkay?

• If you liked Mean Girls, you’ll love Heathers 2.
• When William H. Macy goes on the record with how much you suck, Lindsay Lohan, you must totally suck.
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have been lurking around the Yahoo/HBO complex in Santa Monica. They must have found a sitter for their little Suri. And by “sitter” I of course mean “fake sitter,” and by “Suri” I of course mean “PR stunt.”
• Since he can’t marry Kate Moss just yet, Pete Doherty is passing the time by sneaking cocaine to teenagers in rehab.

• Zach Braff thinks this season of Scrubs will be his last. Hey, you know who could step in as Donald Faison’s replacement love interest? Cacee Cobb! [for those of you spelling-challenged googlers out there: fason, casey, cob, kasey, KC, casee, fison, feson, faizon]
• Nicole Richie walks into a bar. Stop the well-endowed singer of the Spores if you’ve heard this one before…
• Need to kick-start a buzz for the eight billionth season of your tiresome island-based reality show? Try racism!
• Tom Cruise officially too stupid for the studio that greenlit Nacho Libre.

I haven’t really been in a writing mood today, which is why you’ve been treated to videos and nip-slip pics, but as a responsible journalist (cough cough hiss hiss), I respect that there are some things my readers should know before I sign off for the day:

1) Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes oblingingly struck the we’re-in-love pose for paparazzi yesterday, and people seem to think this is newsworthy, so, there ya go.

2) X17 thinks they’ve got a shot of Suri Cruise. That sad, longing figure in the window may or may not be Katie Holmes.

3) Gwyneth Paltrow is African. All male bloggers subsequently announce themselves painfully well-endowed. I can’t compete with that. Except for this: Right, Gwyneth, and I have two vaginas.

4) I keep hearing buzz about terrorist plots involving airplanes. Didn’t Nick Cage do a movie about that?