I know you’ve all been concerned, so I wanted to keep you updated on Boston’s weather.  It’s warmed up over the past few days, we even have a rose in full bloom out in the yard.  With the rising temperatures, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have decided to start putting little Suri in tights and long sleeves.  Expect wool sweater coats and cashmere leggings next June!

“We thought Tom [Cruise] was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth. He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments, like, ‘You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?’ I mean, his lingo was larded with the most… There was no basis for it. It was like, ‘It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.’ Very, very strange. Years and years later when people started to torment him with that, I used to think ‘God, that’s really fitting, because he tormented a lot of people as a 20-year-old.’ He made such a big deal about it. Same thing with Eddie Murphy—I remember somebody calling and saying, ‘You’ll never guess who was just caught with a transvestite!’ [Laughs.] And I remember thinking that seemed fitting, because there are certain people in showbiz who make it an agenda, every third sentence has to have something knocking that life choice, and you think, ‘What are you doing?‘”

Bronson Pinchot, outing Tom Cruise as the homophobic that we’ve always known he is.

The Cruise clan headed out for a coffee in Boston last weekend and ended up with a gaggle of people following them around the streets. The internet is up in arms, not about a large group of pedestrians stalking a family (blame it on Xenu-phobia) but about the fact that in a few pictures, Suri is seen sipping from a Starbuck’s cup.

I’m not gonna go all ballistic Dr. Spock on this one. Maybe it’s a cup full of Starbucks’ delicious apple cider. Or maybe they just let her have a little sip to see how it tastes -that’s okay, right?

Or does this kid need a full-blown parenting intervention, stat? I hear Michael Lohan is looking for something to do.

It seemed like Family Weekend here in LA with celebrities ditching the nannies for a couple of days and actually like, hanging out with their kids. Even over in Cambridge, MA, Tom and Suri were playing in a lake together (which looks so photo-oppy, sadly.) The pumpkin patch seemed like the place to be with appearances by Heidi Klum and Hendy, Larry Birkhead and mini Anna Nicole and Christina Aguilera and Max. Also notable is Nicole Richie and a scrumptious looking Harlow (I wanted to eat the buns off her head) and Brian Austin Green taking his son Kassius bowling. As if having Brian Austin Green for a dad wasn’t hard enough, the poor kid has to be named something more suitable for a gay porn star, too.

As I mentioned yesterday, Tom Cruise is Boston filming Wichita with Cameron Diaz. Today some photos were taken of the actor joy riding on a Massachusetts Highway Patrol motorcycle sans helmet, looking all kinds of crazy in the face. Yes, I am positive that this shot was taken before they were filming and not for a scene, and I’m pretty sure that riding a motorcycle without a helmet is not only illegal in Massachusetts, but very very dangerous. Why the father of three thought it would be a good idea to take on such a big bike with out any protection (and no, his experience on other bikes is no excuse as far as I’m concerned) is beyond me, but so are most of the things this actor has done for the past decade or so. I also have to wonder who the cop was who handed the bike over to Cruise and whether or not these photos are going to get him in any trouble.

Tom should just stick to jumping on couches when he wants a thrill.

Cameron Diaz was caught goofing off during her downtime on the set of the film Wichita, which she is currently filming in Boston with her Vanilla Sky co-star Tom Cruise. The comedy/action flick actually looks pretty cool and these pictures of Cameron acting adorably nutty on set are a stark contrast to the pictures of Cruise acting seriously and creepy (seriously creepy?) as he waits for his scenes to be filmed. The two are in Boston right now and although I can’t quite tell what part from these pictures, I am delighted to see a MBTA bus in the background of one of these photos.

In addition to having the cutest fucking toddler to ever see a pair of heels*, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise apparently have the kind of strong, enduring relationship that allows them to exercise together. Just like Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake! I don’t understand the appeal of jogging with your significant other. Look, when I’m jogging, that’s my damn time. That’s my time to be away from all the nuisances in my life, which usually expands to include whomever I’m dating at the time. You must really be close to your husband to agree to jog with them. Either that or you’re contractually bound to be within 20 feet of him at all time. I’m not sure which it is with Katie.

* It just occurred to me that I’m going to get some very upsetting search traffic as a result of using “fucking” and “toddler” in such close proximity.

According to this article in the Daily Mail, Suri Cruise will be off to Scientolotot Elementary after she turns three this week. She’s heading to the Scientologist school founded by (closeted) Scientologist Will Smith.

The school is staffed by trained Scientologists and lists ‘study technology’ as a key curricular focus. The children eat a low-carb, low-sodium and low-sugar organic diet, although something tells me that’s about the only positive thing they’ll be teaching the kids at that school.

Meanwhile, Katie’s reportedly been on a much less nutritious diet, the Purification Rundown that Scientolowives endure before becoming impregnated with their little Xenu babies. The diet –- which consists of herbal drinks and a purification procedure to eliminate toxic substances — is rumored to have left Katie so run-down that she was forced to miss the Oscars. Starvation! Exactly what the medical community recommends prior to pregnancy! Katie’s somehow found the strength to be filming her new movie, The Extra Man, in NYC, but she’ll be heading back to LA soon so that Suri can start school and she can get knocked up. (By some manner of “extra man,” I’d imagine — probably the same one that fathered Suri.)

FREE KATIE!!!

Katie Holmes showed up yesterday in Tokyo at a Valkyrie screening with long hair.  Man, she must have a serious protein diet going…her hair grew, like, overnight!

So…love it or hate it?

Suri, I don’t blame you.  I’m totally over your dad too!  Speaking of “dad”, may I take this opportunity to ask you to Google images of Katie Holmes’ ex, Chris Klein?  Oh, hell…just look in the gallery.

Tom, Suri and Katie wearing an ensemble that is sure to spark baby bump rumors, arriving yesterday in Japan as they continue their Valkyrie promo tour.

OK! has written an entire article based on this photograph.  Like me, they totally diagnose celebrities as pregnant based solely on pictures.  Ultrasounds are, like, so unnecessary nowadays.  It’s clear Katie Holmes is pregnant based on the fact that Tom Cruise has his hand on her stomach.  I made a similar prediction a couple weeks ago based on Nicole Richie looking jubilant and announcement making-ish.

Actually, the hand on stomach is a Hollywood thing.  When I was pregnant, my husband wasn’t even allowed to make eye contact with me.  Or sleep in bed with me.  Or know where I was living.

As I sign off for the day, a personal yet somewhat related note:  Nine years ago today, my life forever changed.  I experienced the joy of giving birth to my first son.  If you have a soft spot for hyper-intelligent nine-year-olds, I’d love it if you’d post a “Happy Birthday” to him on my blog (Beet was nice enough to link in sidebar).  He already thinks he’s a celebrity after your comments on the Grandpa Sam video.  Seriously, he recently presented me with a rider chock-full of lunch box requirements.

Last night, Katie Holmes had the honor of presenting the SAG Award for Male Actor in a Leading Role to Sean Penn.

SAG Award dresses need to be discussed in detail.  But for the moment, I need someone to set me straight on why beautiful Katie is wearing that shapeless, drab, nun-gone-bad get up that highlights nothing except her deflated water balloons.  Oh, right, because she’s married to Tom Cruise.  That vampire role was the best he was ever cast; he sucks the beauty and life out of everyone he marries.  Don’t believe me?  Pictures in gallery are of women in the early days of dating Tom Cruise and what they look like after their sham marriages ended.  Scientology Tom Cruise kills, people.