Hi guys.

If you can believe it, after spending the past two days outside in a blizzard, I am sick today. I know, I know. I’m shocked too. Plus it’s Friday and it’s the day after Christmas and traffic is ridiculously low anyway and no one is even reading this so I could just go ahead and confess about my third nipple and no one would even know. Seriously though I feel like ass, so this is probably the last post of the day. Not that you care because you’re not reading this anyway. Did I mention my five labia piercings? Okay really though if you do have a third nipple can you get it pierced? Does anyone do that? Are there pictures on the Internet? Links please.

Oh and Tom Brady is engaged to Gisele Bundchen. You know, the chick he left his pregnant girlfriend for awhile back? Because let’s not forget that he left a pregnant girlfriend. Because he did. He proposed to Gisele on Christmas Eve, on a private jet that took off from Teterboro Airport in New Jersey and landed in Boston. There were four dozen white roses on board, as well as champagne. Oh and Gisele’s parents were there, too. So no pressure. Gisele said yes. MERRY CHRISTMAS BRIDGET MOYNAHAN!

Okay back to bed for my sick ass.

Yup, it’s Gisele Bundchen, that chick Tom Brady dumped you for after he knocked you up, holding your newborn child!

Oh, yay, yay, yay!!!!

If this isn’t proof positive that all men are projects I don’t know what is. Here’s Tommy Brady circa 2000 masquerading as vampire.

He was chosen 199th of all men back then. Those boxers are pretty sweet though. (Photo Courtesy of The Big Lead)

I know you guys probably love him. That’s fine. I’m not judging you. But I hate Thomas Brady.

Just look at him. Here with Gisele, his girlfriend. Whatever, dude, that leather jacket makes you look like a member of the West Side Story Jets.

Evidently there was an awkward little moment between Gis, Tom, and Leo last night.

This happens to me all the time. See, I used to have this girlfriend who was nominated for multiple Oscars. But then I started dating this chick who is a tennis pro pulling down seven figures a year. You know how that goes. Then we’d occasionally all show up at the same Jiffy Lube to get our 2003 Hyundai Sonata worked on, including a new air filter, and it would be so very weird. It was like “So, how’s the acting going?” while my new girl toy practiced her backhand, pretending not to be infuriated with me.

But she was.

So yeah, anyway, I loathe this T-Brad guy.

Gisele Bunchen and Tom Brady spend some quality time in NYC this week.

Where’s Tom’s new baby?

Oh, yeah, somewhere with Bridget Moynahan.

Image via WENN

After 14 months of pregnancy, actress Bridget Moynahan at last gave birth to Tom Brady’s bastard child.

The baby boy was born in LA on Wednesday.

“Both mother and baby are doing well,” said Moynahan’s publicist.

Tom Brady, who is currently dating Gisele Bunchen, may or may not have been with her. His whereabouts are hard to pin down right now — he didn’t appear at The Patriots’ practice on Wednesday. He said earlier this week that he wanted to take a few days off when the child was born, calling it “a very joyous, happy situation.” Although it’s perfectly likely that, upon hearing the news of the birth, Gisele had him kidnapped and taken out of the country for a little while so he didn’t accidentally bond with another woman’s child.

Beet’s favorite man may be pulling double daddy duty in the near future. Yep, Tom Brady might have gotten his gal pal Gisele Bundchen pregnant too.

A Brazilian site says she’s two months into the pregnancy which means Bridget’s baby would still win the coveted “first born” and Tommy Jr. label. Whew!

I am not going to moral police in the slightest here. The guy is rich, his girlfriends are rich, the kids will be born into the 99.9999 percentile of wealth, looks, athleticism, and access. I want to be either of those kids, so rock on. I’ve also taken an informal poll of every guy I know and if any of us were Tom we’d get both of these girls as pregnant as possible as often as possible.

That said, Tom’s offensive line might want to start providing him more protection in the bedroom. Heeyoo!

The American site (reporting on the Brazilian site) is here.
The Brazilian site (if you speak Portuguese) is here.