Dudes, that’s Courtney “Thank Christ This Wall Is Here” Love last night at the ELLE Style Awards.  What the hell happened to her?  Oh, wait, I know the answer to that.  Diet and exercise and most certainly not gastric bypass.  I’m addicted to all those TLC shows like Half Ton Mom, Half Ton Teen, Half Ton Dad and have lost entire weekends to their obesity clinic marathons.  One thing that all the bypass patients seem to experience is flabby excess skin from rapid post-surgery weight loss-kind of like Courtney has on her sides and back.  Except Love’s is due to diet and exercise-not, uh, surgery.  Nope, that shit is the result of macrobiotic living.

The rest of the night went something like this:  Anna Friel was there in a dress emblazoned with the word “NO”.  Anna, please start listening to your wardrobe; It is wise.  Mickey Rourke got all Lindsayish and started swigging clear liquid out of an Evian bottle, Pixie Geldof had severe panty lines.  Thandie Newton concluded that she was better than everyone there and Frieda Pinto wore shoulder condoms.

“Yes, I had my rite of passage. I was 16, and I wasn’t really in control of the situation, if you know what I mean. It was much more about a male fantasy of seeing two women together. But I loved the girl a lot; she was one of my closest friends. I think falling in love is actually more about falling in love with an individual. We’re all potentially bisexual; it all depends on your circle, your upbringing, and all kinds of things. Or maybe I’m just talking about myself. I could’ve easily fallen in love with a woman over a man. My husband Ol’s kind of a man-woman. Look, I once loved Tim Curry, so there you go … I regularly have girl-crushes on mums of other kids. I actually stalked one woman whose kid is one of my daughter’s closest friends. Solange Azagury-Partridge, a fantastic jeweler in London, is one of my girl-crushes right now, and she knows it.”

Thandie Newton talks about her same-sex experiences in The Advocate, following a line of questioning regarding the sexual orientation of Condoleezza Rice, whom she portrays in the upcoming film W.