I’m kind of obsessed with these new shirtless Taylor Lautner pics from the New Moon illustrated companion book. I’m also kind of obsessed with the idea that New Moon has an illustrated companion book. Like, doesn’t it already have a companion book? Specifically, the one it was based on? Whatever, I’m not complaining. I’d just like to offer my services for the illustrated companion Guide to Having Sex with Taylor Lautner.

This new trailer for the latest film in the Twilight saga is called “Meet Jacob Black.”

Personally, I think it should be called “Meet Jacob Black’s Biceps.” Or maybe, simply, “Beet Was Right All Along About How Freakin’ Hot Taylor Lautner Was Going to Be.”

Needless to say, I like it. But I wonder how Robert Pattinson’s going to handle it when Taylor emerges as the big male star this go-around. Or is he going to be too busy having sex with Kristen Stewart to notice?

No, sadly, it’s not Hollywood’s newest hot couple — yet. Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift — two of my favorite kiddos in the biz — are filming a movie together called Valentine’s Day in LA. How much cuteness can you get in one photo? I love these two. I hope they fall in love!

Scale of 1-10, guys, with 1 being your local Mormon missionary and 10 being your really really high local Mormon missionary.

This isn’t weed high, either. Stoned Kristen is much more bored-looking and far less reactive. This is something more … interesting than that. So let’s make that the second part of this game. First: How high is Kristen Stewart? And second: What’s she on? (Combo guesses are allowed.)

It’s Friday, I’m feeling liberated, I’m just going to speak my mind — because I’m usually so inhibited — and tell it like it is.  I do not understand the attraction, appeal or interest related to the cast of Twilight.  They don’t have enough spirit to hold up their heads or their moods.  That whole greasy, unwashed, flannel-donning era is so done,  Played out via grunge, Seattle, 1992.

Anyway, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson did a press conference at Comic-Con in San Diego.  Pattinson talks about the development of his character — he obviously takes this vampire shit really seriously — and Taylor Lautner spoke a little bit too.  

Personally, I like the part at the (approximately) 2:30 minute mark when Kristen Stewart tells the press core that no question is off-limits and then again at 3:00 when a reporter asks about the possibility of a real-life romance with Robert Pattinson and she refuses to answer that question.

Kristen, I know that your current fame is a completely annoying burden that you liken to a recurring yeast infection, but enjoy it now.  Once these Twilight movies are played out, you’ll be begging your agent to get you a Crest commercial.

Before Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson can even begin their We Don’t Give a Crap tour to promote New Moon, the studio has already started hunting for the co-stars of the third flick, Eclipse.

Here’s who they’re looking for so far, according to the casting notice:

Riley “is a handsome, blond, clean-cut college boy who falls victim to Victoria,” the notice reads. He’s in his early to mid 20s and “plays an integral role in Victoria’s attempt to murder Bella Swan.”

There are two more members of the Quileute tribe and La Push wolf pack in Eclipse. Like New Moon, they are looking for Native American or First Nations actors to fill the roles.

“Seth Clearwater is a “tall, gangly-limbed boy with a huge, happy grin,” the notice reads. “Seth idolizes Jacob.”

Seth’s big sister is 19-year-old Leah Clearwater and the only female member of La Push: “She is tall and slender with beautiful skin and short cropped black hair. She would be considered gorgeous if not for the perpetual scowl she carries due to a broken heart and her anger issues.”

Meanwhile, Taylor Lautner will continue to put on mass for the third film, after having put on around 30 pounds of muscle for New Moon. “Jacob’s character is continually growing throughout the series,” Lautner said at the MTV Movie Awards Sunday night, “so I got about eight weeks off before I go back again for Eclipse and I’m going to be hitting the gym.”

As for the fourth installment of the Twilight series, Breaking Dawn? The cast — including Kristen, Robert, Ashley Greene and Peter Facinelli — have all expressed interest in sticking around for a fourth. We are NEVER going to be done with this. Kristen Stewart is going to be stumbling down red carpets and dropping awards on the floor until we’re all old and grey. Eventually, she’ll just carry the bong up on stage with her.

Go ahead. Cry, drool, scream, bitch, talk smack… Just keep it in the comments, people.