Well, that New Moon crap opened up this weekend and everyone’s seeing it/talking about it/talking about seeing it. I sat with a group of 20-somethings over a business brunch just an hour or so ago and all we talked about is mother freaking vampires and I’m just sitting there like “Did anyone have sex this weekend? Where’s my bacon? Are there any movies out without fantastical creatures in them, because I’m about to kill myself if I have to hear one more word about werewolves and vampires. Seriously. You see this butter knife? I am a woman on the edge. I could cause some serious damage, you guys.”

There’s an US Weekly headline up right now that says the following: “New Moon Has Third-Biggest Opening Weekend in Film History”. That’s supposed to be impressive and show all of us what a hugely popular franchise it is, I suppose. Maybe it really is just that popular. But here’s a fun tip: That movie played in every theater in America this weekend, and the number of screens a movie plays on is a huge factor in how much it brings in at the box office. Any time a movie “like this” comes out it sets records because if you live in Bumbleboo, Indiana, that’s the only movie that’s out in your theater right now.

Perhaps it’s just my complete and utter hatred for all things fantasy that’s making me want to blow away the smoke and smash the mirrors, but I’m hearing this movie sucks. I can’t believe that I’m going to have to hear about Twilight and Twilight-related things for the next year or two of my life. Harry Potter? He was fine. I’ll take Harry. Delightful boy.

I will tell you this, though: I, much like Sasha, would kidnap that 17 year old Taylor Lautner and keep him in my apartment until he is of legal age for me to do terrible things to him.

If you weren’t a big fan of the wig Taylor had to wear for his role as in Jacob in Twilight and part of New Moon, you weren’t alone. Taylor himself wasn’t too fond of it.

“I would not want that hair,” he told the Boston Globe. “When I looked at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t even recognize myself.”

I couldn’t agree more. I thought he looked like a nasty metal head who’d just rolled out of bed and into a pile of really long head pubes.

Lautner aslo revealed in a recent interview that he wasn’t much of a reader, until he picked up the Twilight books

“As a matter of fact, I was not a book reader at all. The only books I ever read were the ones I was forced to in school. But when I started reading this book series, I fell in love with the characters and started turning the pages one after another. It was crazy. I never thought I could do that. But I love this story. This franchise has everything in it: Romance, obviously, action, suspense. It has a dark side to it.”

As a fan of the series himself, he said he thought it was important to remain faithful to the source material when making New Moon.

“The fans are passionate about the book and all they want is those words on the pages brought up on the screen for them to watch. We want to stay as close to the books as possible.”

New Moon comes out November 20th, as I’m sure you already know. My local movie theater is doing a double feature for the local Twi-hards, showing Twilight at 10:00pm on November 19th, followed by New Moon, shortly after midnight.

I still don’t get all the obsession, but to each his or her own. What are your premier night plans? Any of you fanatics going to see the flick at midnight, or dressing up like the characters? I think a Kristen Stewart / Bella costume would be pretty fun to pull off. Just sleep on your couch for a few days, smoke a few bowls, and show up to the premier looking like you couldn’t give a shit about anything… except sour patch kids.

Everyone gets excited about sour patch kids.

Taylor Swift hosted Saturday Night Live last night and opened the show by doing a little ditty about some things we were all hoping for her to comment on, namely Kanye West crashing her VMA speech, her terrible break up with Joe Jonas and her relationship with Taylor Lautner.

Taylor more or less confirmed that she’s dating Lautner, went pretty easy on Kanye and really slapped Joe Jonas across the face. Despite her obvious nerves, she got through the song and was a hit with the live audience. I’m sure her fans watching at home went crazy.

Hooray! New Moon’s almost out, which can only mean one thing: Lots and lots of pictures of Kristen Stewart looking disgruntled on red carpets all over the world. ZOMG THERE IS NOTHING I LOVE MORE. Up first: Kristen (along with Taylor Lautner) in Mexico City, doing photo calls for “Luna Nueva.”

As part of her humanitarian efforts, Kristen supported the local economy by purchasing her entire outfit from a street vendor in a nearby slum. At first he wanted fifty pesos for it, but she got him down to forty. Well played, Bella!

Tay Squared were out and about again last night.  Now they’re shopping together?  Shopping?  They’ve advanced to that level?  I’ve been married for five years and my husband and I still aren’t ready for that level of togetherness!

Pics in the gallery of the ever adorable Tay² as they hung out last night at Alice + Olive.

There have been rumors for a few weeks, but now it seems like there may actually be some truth to those whispers.  Could Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner be dating?  They were seen together at a hockey game at the Staples Center on Sunday — way to keep it under wraps, guys.

Swift is 19 and Lautner is 17 and they’ve probably been dating for a few weeks — so a relationship that’s both young and young.  And for the record, I’m totally behind the Taylor/Taylor duo … haven’t seen anything that cute since, well, Paris & Paris.

For all you Twihards, here’s the one-minute clip of New Moon that hit the ‘net today.  You can download it for free on iTunes or just watch it right here.  I figured Beet would enjoy the first ten seconds since it’s a brief intro done by her future bedmate Taylor Lautner.  Personally, I don’t see the appeal, but I’ve got a thing for Stephen Colbert so … probably not a good judge.

I’m kind of obsessed with these new shirtless Taylor Lautner pics from the New Moon illustrated companion book. I’m also kind of obsessed with the idea that New Moon has an illustrated companion book. Like, doesn’t it already have a companion book? Specifically, the one it was based on? Whatever, I’m not complaining. I’d just like to offer my services for the illustrated companion Guide to Having Sex with Taylor Lautner.

This new trailer for the latest film in the Twilight saga is called “Meet Jacob Black.”

Personally, I think it should be called “Meet Jacob Black’s Biceps.” Or maybe, simply, “Beet Was Right All Along About How Freakin’ Hot Taylor Lautner Was Going to Be.”

Needless to say, I like it. But I wonder how Robert Pattinson’s going to handle it when Taylor emerges as the big male star this go-around. Or is he going to be too busy having sex with Kristen Stewart to notice?

No, sadly, it’s not Hollywood’s newest hot couple — yet. Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift — two of my favorite kiddos in the biz — are filming a movie together called Valentine’s Day in LA. How much cuteness can you get in one photo? I love these two. I hope they fall in love!

Scale of 1-10, guys, with 1 being your local Mormon missionary and 10 being your really really high local Mormon missionary.

This isn’t weed high, either. Stoned Kristen is much more bored-looking and far less reactive. This is something more … interesting than that. So let’s make that the second part of this game. First: How high is Kristen Stewart? And second: What’s she on? (Combo guesses are allowed.)

It’s Friday, I’m feeling liberated, I’m just going to speak my mind — because I’m usually so inhibited — and tell it like it is.  I do not understand the attraction, appeal or interest related to the cast of Twilight.  They don’t have enough spirit to hold up their heads or their moods.  That whole greasy, unwashed, flannel-donning era is so done,  Played out via grunge, Seattle, 1992.

Anyway, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson did a press conference at Comic-Con in San Diego.  Pattinson talks about the development of his character — he obviously takes this vampire shit really seriously — and Taylor Lautner spoke a little bit too.  

Personally, I like the part at the (approximately) 2:30 minute mark when Kristen Stewart tells the press core that no question is off-limits and then again at 3:00 when a reporter asks about the possibility of a real-life romance with Robert Pattinson and she refuses to answer that question.

Kristen, I know that your current fame is a completely annoying burden that you liken to a recurring yeast infection, but enjoy it now.  Once these Twilight movies are played out, you’ll be begging your agent to get you a Crest commercial.