Archive for the ‘Stephen Colbert’ Category

Stephen Colbert Urges Voter Abstinence

Thursday, October 2nd, 2008

See?

This is a much better way to make young people realize how absurd it is not to vote than, say, muzzling Jessica Alba. Don’t get me wrong; I’m a huge proponent of muzzling Jessica Alba. I just don’t think it’ll do much to increase votership among the youth demographic. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t use public funds to do it, though.

Jon Stewart and Steve Colbert Are Going Back to Work

Friday, December 21st, 2007

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On January 7, with the rest of the late-night crew. It seems Comedy Central put some pressure on them to do this, as they’ve released the following (hilarious) joint statement:

“We would like to return to work with our writers. If we cannot, we would like to express our ambivalence, but without our writers we are unable to express something as nuanced as ambivalence.”

Maybe they can’t express ambivalence, but they can sure still be damn funny.

The WGA’s all pissed, of course, and released the following retort:

“Comedy Central forcing Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert back on the air will not give the viewers the quality shows they’ve come to expect. The only way to get the writing staffs back on the job is for the AMPTP companies to come back to the table prepared to negotiate a fair deal with the Writers Guild.”

I’m really really interested to see how these shows fare sans writers. Stewart and Colbert are genuinely funny guys, and writers themselves, but can they hold down an entire show without help?

We’re gonna find out, kids.

Stephen Colbert Is the AP’s Celebrity of the Year

Thursday, December 20th, 2007

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Congrats to Stephen Colbert, who, although he won’t be President next year, was selected Celebrity of the Year by newspaper editors and broadcast producers who said Colbert had the biggest impact on pop culture in 2007.

First runner-up was J.K. Rowling, followed by Al Gore.

Colbert sent the AP this email: “In receiving this award, I am pleased that I was chosen over two great spinners of fantasy — J.K. Rowling and Al Gore. It is truly an honor to be named the Associated Press’ Celebrity of the Year. Best of all, this makes me the official front-runner for next year’s Drug-Fueled Downward Spiral of the year. P.S. Look for my baby bump this spring!”

Quotables

Monday, November 5th, 2007

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“Although I lost by the slimmest margin in presidential election history — only 10 votes — I have chosen not to put the country through another agonizing Supreme Court battle. It is time for this nation to heal.”

Stephen Colbert, whose request to run in the 2008 presidential election was barred by the South Carolina Democratic Executive Council, which voted last week to keep the host of “The Colbert Report” off the state’s primary ballot. The vote was 13-3.

Sad!!!

2012!!!

Quotables

Monday, October 29th, 2007

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“I promise, if elected, I will crush the state of Georgia. Our peaches are more numerous than Georgia’s. They are more juiciful.”

Stephen Colbert, who is currently campaigning for the U.S. Presidency in South Carolina.

COLBERT 2008!

Stephen Colbert is Running for President

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007

Stephen Colbert to Seek United States Presidency

The host of The Colbert Report announced his candidacy on his show Tuesday night.

“I shall seek the office of the President of the United States,” he said. “After nearly 15 minutes of soul-searching, I have heard the call.”

Colbert 2008!!!

Catching Up: Luckily Nothing Happened Today Except that Anna Nicole Wedding Thing

Friday, September 29th, 2006
  • Avril Lavigne spits at photogs at her 8th 22nd birthday celebration.
  • Ivanka Trump may be the new face of Tiffany & Co.
  • Jessica Simpson is not in a very good mood lately. [The link also includes a video of Ashlee performing -- to rave reviews -- in Chicago...possibly a source of big sis' jealousy...er...grumpiness?]
  • Is Arizona the new Hollywood? Because I can assure you that Janet Napolitano was at no point Miss Universe.
  • Hey, Jenny McCarthy, we can handle pictures of you sitting on the toilet, we can stomach the fart jokes, and we’re okay with all the very grossest details of pregnancy, but do you really have to talk about sex with Jim Carrey?
  • Yom Kippur is fast approaching, and you can stop kidding yourself. You may be taking the day off, but you are sooo not going to be in temple, unless you consider the matinee of Jackass: Number Two your religious headquarters. So, call Stephen Colbert at 1-800-OOPS-JEW, and atone for your sins, heathen.