Bad news guys. Remember that absolutely horrible little group called the Spice Girls that you invariably liked for about 6 months back in 1996? Well, they won’t be looking like a few hot chicks commingling with some ugglies anymore. Nope, they are going Versace! From The Mirror.co.Uk:

Sporty can ditch her dodgy tracksuits - because Donatella Versace will be designing the Spice Girls’ outfits for their comeback tour. We can exclusively reveal that the flamboyant Italian is creating an array of show-stopping outfits for their reunion gigs.

What?? The whole fun of the thing was that they looked like goons. Baby was a baby! Sporty could race you. Spicy could give you pepper. Wait, was there a Spicy Spice? Hmmm.. probably not. Anyhow, if you read the article you’ll also get some fun news about a pregnant woman working out really hard so she’ll be able to rock her Versace the right way. Also, please enjoy the following fun video that features genius Maya Rudolph impersonating Donatella.

If you “Wannabe” at one of the stops on the Spice Girls’ upcoming tour, you’ll have even more chances to “Say You’ll Be There.” The Girls’ manager wants to “Spice Up Your Life” (and his bank account) by adding 25 more dates to their comeback tour. This would basically double the $20.5 mil the girls stand to earn for the tour, but it’s got some of them concerned that the tour will be “Too Much” to handle while raising school-age children. Victoria has three young boys she just relocated to Los Angeles, Mel B. has an 8-year-old daughter (with a former husband) and a newborn (with Eddie Murphy), Geri Halliwell had a baby last year, and Emma is getting ready to become a “Mama” any minute now.

According to a statement from people close to the Girls, “It’s going to be a huge commitment for the girls, who are extremely devoted to their families. But they are overwhelmed by the world-wide response from their fans and don’t want to let them down.”

The Spice Girls are celebrating female empowerment by hiring a therapist to help them work through their on-tour cattiness.

Record label Virgin has decided that they already saw this multi-million-dollar business go down in flames once because these chicks can’t keep their egos in check when you put them in the same room, and they’re gonna make damn sure they don’t watch it happen again. According to a source:

This tour will be massive and record bosses do not want anything getting in the way - least of all the girls themselves. They want Girl Power to come back in style, not end in arguments between the girls. So taking a therapist along to smooth out any problems makes sense.

The therapist will be available any time the girls need someone to talk to so that any disagreements do not get out of hand. It would be a disaster if any of them walked out mid-way through the tour.

They had a person like this at my middle school, too. Her name was Ms. Mitchell, and we had to go see her whenever we teased someone for having fat calves, or spilling food on themselves, or being in possession of a tampon. Then I got to high school, and we didn’t really have a person like that anymore, because we didn’t really have catty, retarded fights anymore. And now I’m twenty-five and I work in a large corporate office with dental and vision benefits and they definitely don’t have a person like that because it turns out we’re all adults making a fair amount of money to do a relatively easy job and if we have issues with one another we work it out like adults, even when it sucks and our egos get a little bit bruised. How nice for the Spice Girls that they’re not expected to do anything like that.

I am so excited that the Spice Girls have taken time out of their busy baby making schedules to have a reunion!

They are planning on launching a world tour that will hit such hot spots as Vegas and London. I have to say that I bought all of their albums and really was quite the big fan of these ladies.

I actually have a friend who got a Spice Girls tattoo in 1997 and I was like “um, 10 years from now you are just going to think jesus…why did I do this to myself??” Now he can bear his tattoo loud and proud because the ladies are back!

Girl Power!

I’ll be keeping our readers updated of any new Spice Girls news!

Holy crap, they are actually going to do this.

It looks like the Spice Girls reunion has moved past the realm of pure hope and into reality. A press release today from the group’s management team, 19 Entertainment, reads: “Following weeks of speculation, the Spice Girls are set to make an official announcement to the world regarding future plans on Thursday, June 28. Details regarding the announcement will be released in the coming days.”

Earlier this week, a memo from the girls’ management team urging them to “not become pregnant — please!” leaked to a British tabloid, further fueling the rumors that there would be a reunion. The members of Spice have pursued solo careers since their last release as a group in 2000, and have been met with varying levels of success in the U.S. and abroad. None has been able to recapture the hype of the Spice Girls.

In related news, it’s an extra good day for Spice Girl Mel B., who yesterday received the test results proving that actor Eddie Murphy is the father of her two-month-old baby. After the two split last year, Murphy told reporters that “I don’t know whose child that is until it comes out and has a blood test.”

Finally! Someone said it to their faces!

With a reunion imminent (and seemingly inevitable), the Spice Girls’ manager, Simon Fuller (yes, the guy who produces American Idol), has laid down a list of rules for the girls. The Sun got their hands on it. Among the list of do’s and don’ts: “Do not become pregnant – please!”

Seriously! Five of you is enough. The remainder of the rules are vaguely reminiscent of a “Class Rules” poster my third grade teacher tacked to the wall, with violations resulting in one’s absence from recess.

Do not get into spats between yourselves over plans and decisions – is it worth it?

Respect each other’s personal lives and commitments.

Respect each other’s views.

Do not talk about money that you will potentially earn from the reunion.

Talk about memories of the Spice Girls with affection and pride.

Raise any queries with Nicki (Chapman) and myself at the scheduled meeting.

Do not confirm or deny any rumours until everything is in place.

Do not worry about schedules and time — this will all be arranged with everyone in mind.

So basically, like, you’re all in your 30s now. If you could not spoil a multi-million-dollar deal by squabbling like pre-teens, that would be awesome, mmkay?