With Jason Wahler busy getting arrested left and right, his regular court dates interrupted only by brief stints in rehab, and Heidi’s relationship with series star and Pratt nemesis Lauren Conrad essentially non-existent, what on earth is Spencer Pratt going to do to get some screen time in season three of The Hills? Oh, right. He can propose to Heidi Montag. So he did.

Spencer, 23, proposed to Montag, 12, at Bacara in Santa Barbara on Tuesday night. A source says that “she said ‘yes.’ She’s over the moon!”

He proposed with a diamond-encrusted platinum band with a pink stone, which he purchased on Monday in Brentwood. A witness at the store says that “she was trying on tons of them and they looked really happy!” What? You think Heidi would let someone else pick out her engagement ring?

Well, if nothing else, this most recent turn of events should help expedite their inevitable split.

Seriously I don’t know who this Spencer Pratt guy thinks he is but LC is wayyyyy cooler than he will ever be. Remember Spencer, she was the famous one that got you on TV in the first place. From what i’ve heard your has-been ass has not been able to get in the clubs lately. Wonder why. Here is a telling exerpt from the Spencer/Hedi US Weekly interview.

Us: Spencer, did Lauren’s split from your pal Brody Jenner makes things tricky?

Pratt: “Lauren couldn’t get into clubs before she met us! We were her ticket to Hollywood. As soon as the double dating stopped, she was out. She has trouble being the third wheel. That’s what she was when Brody didn’t want to keep seeing her.”

I’m not going to go into the fact that Hedi’s alibi is the fact that she was in the hospital because she had just gotten her boobs and nose done. Trying to compete with Spencer’s Playmates are we? I love LC, I hate these two doucebags…they are on the fast track to VH1’s “Celeb” Reality.

After the season finale of The Hills, the ever-diligent folks over at Radar Online took it upon themselves to call up Heidi Montag’s mother in BFE, Colorado, and get her take on Heidi’s current situation. She swears that Heidi and Lauren are still the best of friends, Spencer is really a very good guy and Heidi is a very smart and responsible young woman who will soon release an album — to which she has written all the lyrics. OMG I can’t wait. If this album ever sees the light of day, I will honestly be the first in line. It will be hilarious.

And, look, I can tell you from experience that if anyone has a strong grasp on the life of a 21-year-old girl living in L.A., it’s her mother living in another state. Lord knows I told mine everything, with total candor. Except for anything that might upset her, worry her, interest her, or in any way motivate her to stop sending me money, or, God forbid, come out to visit. You can read the entire interview here, but I’ve picked out some highlights.

On Spencer: Heidi and Spencer are all about the show. Spencer has given quite a lot of himself to MTV, and they aren’t afraid to put themselves out there. But he’s not a bad guy at all—that’s all in the magic of editing. In fact, he adores Heidi and waits on her hand and foot, and she’d be with nothing less. Of course now it looks like, ew, why would you pick a slime bag over [Conrad], America’s sweetheart? But it’s not the reality. If things were the way they looked on TV, I would come to L.A. and take Spencer out myself.

On Heidi’s fame: No one is surprised. Even as a little girl in a small town she had this energy that has followed her. She took acting classes—not that The Hills is acting!—and would always want to be more grown up. We would let her carry glasses of wine around the house, but they would always be on her nightstand untouched the next day. She just liked the feeling of being older.

On Heidi’s future: As you know, she is recording an album and writing her own lyrics. And she has such a pretty little voice, I think it will be good. The third season is going to revolve more around that, I think. Spencer is helping with the record because he has connections, but if they broke up tomorrow, she would still be able to go on with the connections she has made out in L.A. Really, if you dropped Heidi off in the middle of nowhere she would still be happy.