Dita Von Teese has a drink named after her, now that she’s the new face of Cointreau:  The Cointreau Teese.  It’s made with Cointreau, apple juice, lemon juice and violet syrup — looks super pretty, sounds super gross.  You know that you’ve officially arrived when a hospital wing, a Marc Jacobs handbag or a cocktail has been named after you.  It’s really the hallmark confirmation of fame.  

Last night was the launch party, and Dita was there in her trademark burlesque look.  Also there, Jewel in a maxi dress, Perez Hilton looking like the asshat that he is, and Solange Knowles who offended a bunch of people this afternoon by Tweeting “Salute to the vagina power!  Dita Von Teese is haute!”  The use of the term “vagina” is really upsetting to people in 2009?  

Totally unrelated to Dita, but now Solange is typing All. her. tweets. like. this.  Do you think she got that from me?  She’s ranting about something — the most I can gather is that she thinks black women are imprisoned by their hair.  I’ve been sending her Tweets back like: “What. the. hell. are. you. talking. about?” and “Are. you. crazy?”

Tommy Chong was there looking like he had the munchies, as was Margaret Cho who was looking great.  Wilmer Valderrama showed up wondering if anyone had seen his “career” run by and the incredibly hot Mayte Garcia — she was married to Prince for four years, but somehow managed to have her marriage annulled — made an appearance as well.

The. End.

Really, who hasn’t done this before?

Solange Knowles took so much damn NyQuil yesterday that she passed out at the airport’s baggage claim and had to be taken to the hospital. Whatever. Due to my extreme fear of flying, I was once so drunk when I boarded a flight from Tokyo to Los Angeles that they took off, realized how messed up I was, and threatened to turn the plane back around to Tokyo rather than have my ass on it. Seriously a flight attendant was like, “Do we need to turn this plane around?” TOP THAT, SOLANGE!!! (I know now that I do much better just taking a shitload of Xanax — they can’t smell that on you!)

Solange is fine now, just resting at home, but she Twittered adorably through the whole thing.

“I took a Nyquil, and I think maybe I’m getting high off it because I’m not sleeping,” she wrote. “Everything’s movvvvviinnngg slooooowww, LOL.” Later she wrote “think im certified loosing it on nyquil. going to sleep before i start freestyling on the plane.”

She also Twittered a bit about her recent nip slip, saying “i always wear undies, never been carried out of the club drunk, i wont even pose for king or any “eye candy” type shoots and now look:(”

Yup. NO ONE ESCAPES THE WRATH OF THE GOSSIP GODS!

Ricky Martin appeared at Armani’s 5th Avenue store opening in New York City wearing a purple satin scarf.  Is that an ascot?  I never know.  Either way, the last wisp of imagined heterosexuality has officially been erradicated.

Also there, Victoria Beckham looking as muscular as ever, Solange Knowles wearing a bunch of shit that doesn’t match, and John Mayer.

OMG what a little BEYOTCH. I wish I could slip my hand right through the Internet and smack Solange Knowles across the face.

Solange was doing an interview with Fox News in Las Vegas to promote something I don’t give a shit about. Before the interview started, the interviewers asked her publicist if they could talk to Solange about the closing of Jay-Z’s 40/40 club. The publicist said no, and that was that. But apparently Solange is such a dumbass that she didn’t realize that the conversation took place off the air, so, when they went live, Solange immediately goes on a little tirade blasting the anchor for bringing a discussion of Jay-Z into the mix. The anchor is just confused, and then a producer’s voice comes in and says “That wasn’t live, Solange. That wasn’t on TV,” and Solange is just like “Oh” and then proceeds to give one of the most detached and bitchy interviews I’ve ever seen in my life.

Listen up, you little twat. You are famous because of the hard work your sister did. In fact, every single interview you do should be about Beyonce and Jay-Z, because you are absolutely nothing on your own, and no one would even know your name, let alone be interviewing you on live television, if it weren’t for those people. You’ve got no right to have an attitude. You are nothing on your own. So shut the fuck up and be nice, bitch.

If you don’t understand what I’m so pissed off about, click here and watch the clip for yourself. You’ll want to smack her too.

Solange Knowles takes her son, Daniel Julez J. Smith, out for some shopping at Kitson Kids.

Solange was 18 when Daniel was born, and she was married at the time.

And we still thought that was a little scandalous.

Oh, how naive we once were.

Image via WENN