Good morning, everyone!  I hope you are waking and baking this morning.  I’m so glad that I work in the written word and don’t do vlogging, because I seriously would be cracking up right now and wouldn’t be able to get through this piece.  Oh, and I would have to put makeup on.  Needless to say, I’ve never smoked a joint in my life.  Do they even call them joints anymore?  Roaches?  Spliffs?  Blunts?  Are those all the same thing or are there different varieties?  I need you to educate me.  You can even give me a pot quiz, afterward.  Get it?  Pot Quiz???  Shit, I’m starting to sound stoned.

Rapper Snoop Dogg, idiot extraordinaire, has posted NSFW video on his Twitter live stream of himself (allegedly!) smoking pot.  But don’t worry-he’s got a license to do so.  Which leads me to ponder:  Is no fashion sense a medical condition that necessitates daily use of medical marijuana?

Congratulations to Snoop Dogg, who is now considered non-threatening enough to enter the country of Australia.

In fairness to Snoop, it’s not that he got less badass, it’s just that the government in power when he was banned was a little less immigration-friendly than the current administration, which removed the ban.

“He has now been assessed under the character test as having passed, so he will be given a visa,” said an immigration official.

With the ban lifted, Snoop plans to tour in Australia starting October 21 along with Ice Cube.

I guess he is, because his wife was arrested for DUI in Fullerton this weekend.

Her name is Shante Broadus, and she’s been married to Snoop since 1997. She was taken to jail in Fullerton and released. There was no one else in the car.

Look at this chick! She’s been doing a lot more than drinking and driving. That is some serious crack-face. You’d think Snoop would have ditched her ass long ago.

For reasons passing understanding, Snoop Dogg appeared backstage at the CMT Awards on Monday.

Maybe his options for appearances are limited, seeing as most countries are currently trying to ban him.

Britain really, really doesn’t want Snoop Dogg in their country.

Britain’s Border Agency said Friday it would appeal a court’s decision to reverse an earlier ruling that had banned Snoop Dogg from entering the country after the rapper and his entourage started a fight at Heathrow Airport in April 2006.

He and five others were arrested at Heathrow on charges of violent disorder for instigating a brawl in a nearby duty-free shop after their 30-person posse was denied entry into British Airways’ first-class lounge because not everyone in the group was holding first-class tickets. Seven officers were injured in the melee.

I’m sure it all seemed very cute and unimportant at the time, but Britain didn’t feel that way. They banned Snoop from entering the country, and it meant he had to cancel a British Isles tour with Diddy, so now he’s looking to make it all better.

“Snoop and his team are mystified at the decision and are hoping that the British government will reconsider this decision,” says his rep. “He has asked how he can help rectify the situation and would happily talk to and give assurances to the officials.”

Snoop is also currently banned from Australia, where their prime minister said that “he doesn’t seem the sort of bloke we want in this country.”

Heh. It does kind of seem like Britain’s making an unfair example of him, but I can’t say I blame them. Like, it’s neither cute nor badass to start fist fights in international airports in a post-9/11 world. You have to be pretty fucking dumb to pull that crap. Save that shit for the playground, boys.

Like even this photo — which was taken at his album release party in late March — kind of pisses me off. I know you have a reputation to protect, Snoop, but you also have children of your own, and you’re actively glorifying gun violence by wearing that necklace. I know you rap about much worse shit, and you absolutely have that right, in much the same way you absolutely have the right to wear that necklace, but really? Do you have to? You’re 36 years old now. Doesn’t it ever just get exhausting to define yourself with violence?

As a part of the sentencing from his recent guilty plea to the charge of being a freakin’ genius attempting to smuggle a collapsible baton onto an airplane, Snoop Dogg will be picking up trash around an Orange County park for 160 hours.

County officials are refusing to name the exact park, because, you know, it’s gonna take more than 160 hours for the media to figure out where Snoop Dogg’s picking up trash.

“He’s glad to make a contribution to Orange County,” said Snoop’s lawyer.

Everyone’s favorite law-abiding citizen plead guilty to the charges stemming from last year’s weapons arrest, when a certain someone thought to smuggle a collapsible baton onto an airplane in a laptop case.

Snoop’s actually going to less jail time than Nicole Richie for this one — he’ll do 160 hours of community service and three years probation for the felony, which will be reduced to a misdemeanor if he manages not to break the law for an entire year. And the sonofabitch didn’t even have to get pregnant!

“Snoop’s goal is to make music, not make court appearances,” said his lawyer.

Okay, if we’re gonna be all over LiLo’s ass for breaking out of rehab every now and then, let’s note that Brigitte Nielsen checked into rehab, like, five minutes before this photo was taken. She stepped out to attend the Comedy Central Roast of Flava Flav with her husband, Mattia Dessi, and I am saddened to admit that I know exactly who this guy is because I watched both The Surreal Life and Flavor of Love and honestly if anyone wants to be my boyfriend the position is open and really needs to be filled because this morning I watched the entire hour-long “Best Of” episode of Girls Next Door and honestly people I can’t go on like this indefinitely.

Sigh.

Flav showed up with his mom, and Snoop Dogg was there too. And Jimmy Kimmel hosted but he gets no pictures on this blog because of that fucking bullshit he pulled with Emily Gould.

It’s kind of an older story but I’ve been back on the drugs lately so I’m a little delayed.

But when those blokes across the pond strike at the very heart of America I’m obligated to strike back (like the Empire).

LONDON (AP) — Snoop Dogg and Sean “Diddy” Combs were forced to scrap a tour of Britain after authorities denied Dogg a visa, according to a statement Tuesday.

Oooooh, anger. The Swedes busted him and now authorities are “denying Dogg.” Snoop can’t catch a break in Europe. And yeah, I know you Great Britainers don’t consider yourself to be truly Europe, you’re too special, but I call you Europe anyway. Because really Europe stands for anyone who censors someone like Snoop Dogg, someone who’s special and lovely and full of neat things to share with society as a whole. That’s Snoop, and when you bar him from your country who are you really hurting? The kids, that’s who. And those little bastards are our future.

British Home Office rules state that foreign citizens can be barred from entering the country if there were concerns about their presence.

Umm, he was on The Apprentice. If the Donald has given him the gold stamp of approval why are you standing in the way? Do you not count the L.A. version as a real version of The Apprentice just because ratings are down?

I can only hope and pray that the US military gets involved, perhaps they could parachute Snoop in. Look out United Kingdom, you haven’t heard the last of this. Trust me on that my cousins.

I reported yesterday that I thought both he and Diddy were punk-asses so I’m sure someone is going to give me flack because he was arrested today in Sweden for suspected narcotics use. Honestly, I wonder if they even had to search him. I would think his passport would say something like “Hey, this guy is on drugs.” I bet they have a special stamp for that.

Oh, in reading the article I’m sort of right! Check this out:

“You can see that a person indicates that he has used narcotics in looking at his eyes or his movements. (Police) suspected that he had taken drugs.”

He’s Snoop Dogg. Are you guys serious with this? Here is the best part, guess what those maniac Swedes are going to do with him?

Results are due in two to three weeks and the rapper could face a fine if the tests confirm drug use. “if he earns a lot, it can be a couple of thousand (Swedish crowns) ($280)”

Now that, my friends, is hilarious. If $280 was the fine in America you’d see people lighting up on the street and carrying a checkbook with them. Snoop has got to be like “Hey cousin, I’m Snoop, I’m on drugs, here is your money. Now bring me that bikini team should they still exist.”

The lesson here: Go Swedish drug laws and play on Snoopy. You’re still not gangsta though.

Here is where it gets fun:

HELSINKI, Finland (Reuters) — U.S. rap stars Sean “Diddy” Combs and Snoop Dogg, who were bitter rivals in a notorious feud between East and West Coast hip-hop in the 1990s, said on Friday they had buried the hatchet once and for all.

No one was ever afraid of Diddy. Ever. Even the guy who is suing him probably feels like Diddy is cute. Also, the true battle was between Notorious B.I.G and Tupac, you can tell because they are both now dead.

They said they had “moved on” from the days when members of the two music scenes clashed rather than collaborated. “That was a time in history,” Combs told reporters ahead of the tour’s opening concert.

That WAS a time in history. Just like every other moment that has ever occurred. Including this one. And this one. They are all now moments in history. Idiot.

“We want to entertain, we want to make music, we want to make people feel good,” said Combs, 37.

Translation: We’d like some money please.

Snoop: “That is all that matters, that the spirit of hip-hop lives on. Everything that was not right, we are getting right.”

PS- Nas’ new album is called “Hip Hop is Dead.” Guess who is right?