OK, well it’s not a lot, but you at least can get a taste for what it will be like when Ellen DeGeneres takes over for Paula Abdul next Tuesday on American Idol. I only saw the Boston auditions from this new season so far and I really really missed Paula, but Ellen could possibly be a hilarious addition to the judges panel. I don’t think Ellen will ever be Simon levels of mean, but she won’t be Paula’s level of nice either. Are you going to be tuning in on Tuesday and what do you think the addition of Ellen will mean for the show?

Simon Cowell has put together an all-star team to remake R.E.M.’s classic song “Everybody Hurts” to benefit Haiti. The song features everybody who’s not in the upcoming movie Valentine’s Day. In fact, here’s a line-by-line guide of who is singing each lyric, pulled from the YouTube video:

Leona Lewis
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,

Rod Stewart
When youre sure youve had enough of this life, well hang on

Mariah Carey
Dont let yourself go, cause everybody cries and everybody hurts

Cheryl Cole
Sometimes…. sometimes everything is wrong.

Mika
Now its time to sing along

Michael Buble
When your day is night alone,

Joe McElderry
(hold on, hold on)

Miley Cyrus
If you feel like letting go

James Blunt
If you think youve had too much of this life, well hang on..

Gary Barlow
Cause everybody hurts..

Mark Owen
Take Comfort in your friends

Jon Bon Jovi
Dont throw your hand, oh no

James Morrison
Dont throw your hand.
If you feel like youre alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

Susan Boyle
If youre on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,

Aston Merrygold
When you think youve had too much of this life to…

Marvin Humes
…hang on

Shane Filan
Everybody hurts, sometimes,

Mark Feehily
Everybody cries

Kylie Minogue
And everybody hurts… sometimes

Robbie Williams
And everybody hurts… sometimes, so hold on, hold on

Everyone
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, repeat to fade

The song’s actually pretty good. They were working with great material (if you don’t love R.E.M., you don’t know wassup!), but each artist definitely adds something to the track. I will be purchasing it when it goes up for sale on February 8 at this site or this site or this site. And I suppose it wont really matter if you want to hear the song but don’t have the funds to download it legally, because I can already tell you that every soft-rock, Top 40 and hip hop station will be playing the hell out of this record.

I haven’t been too diligent about watching Idol this season, so I’m not sure how obvious it is to the viewers at home, but apparently Simon is no longer speaking to guest judge Ellen DeGeneres. The spat started when Ellen got fed up waiting for Simon on set and escalated from there. Last week, the two agreed that they no longer need to talk, just get the work done and move on. From Radar:

“There’s two camps on the show this season,” said an Idol insider. “It’s a lot more tense than previous seasons. It seems as if Ellen has decided to try to take control since Simon is on his way out and that’s created problems.”

Assuming this is all true, it’s pretty whack of Ellen to agree to do a guest spot on a show and act like a diva. I’ve heard from people who have worked on her show, Ellen, that she is a control freak, but rightfully so because it’s her own talk show. Idol. on the other hand, is not her show and if it’s anyone’s, it’s Simon’s. Just because he’s on the way out the door doesn’t mean they’re looking for Ellen to step in to the role of the set jerk.

Oh, Simon, you awesome British shithead, you.

I love this show.  Like, I love this show in the same way that the fabled fat kid loves cake.  Maybe even more.

Reps announce that Simon is jumping ship on the kind-of-sinking American Idol and will judge and also be an executive producer for a related show, The X Factor. Which, like Idol, will also air on Fox.

I don’t know, man.  First that crazy Paula gets dropped and we think that the show can’t withstand the rigors of judging talent without a nutty, drugged-out former dancer to keep us entertained and now this?  What are you doing, Fox?  Are you singlehandedly trying to ruin my life?

After a whole lotta hype, Susan Boyle performed again on Britain’s Got Talent, this time singing “Memory” from Cats. Personally, I was comparatively underwhelmed by this performance — she was behind the band most of the time, and more than one of the notes was a little pitchy. That didn’t seem to disturb the audience or the judges, though — she got a standing ovation and a ton of praise, even from Simon Cowell. “You know what, I just want to apologize because of the way we treated you before you sang the first time,” he said. “You made me and everyone else look very stupid and I’m very happy for you, very proud for you.”

What do you guys think? Does Susan deserve the hype?

For kicks and giggles, I put the performance of one of her competitors, dance troupe Diversity, after the jump.

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Elton John’s yearly party is super exclusive and tough to get an invite to.  Having said that, I’m having a few “What the fuck,” moments.

What the fuck?  Simon Cowell and Terri Seymour are back together?

What the fuck?  What is that French’s Golden Mustard get-up Dita Von Teese wearing?

What the fuck?  Rachel Griffiths in head-to-toe grey flannel?  Is she fat or just pregnant?  Oh, she’s pregnant.  Still…that’s not right.

Bai Ling?  Just, what the fuck?

Ugh, I had more to say, but I looked at too many pictures of Posh and now I must sleep…can’t…keep…eyes…open.

Simon Cowell has always been a hero of mine.  I think my love for himstarted a few years back when he said Beyonce wasn’t a good singer, didn’t have a good body and that he found her fame mystifying.  But now Beyonce is performing on December 13th’s episode of X Factor and they are all friendly.  Sellout.

But he redeemed himself a bit this week in an Access Hollywood interview.  When asked about the addition of the newest American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi:

You know what, it’s like when you’ve had dinner with three friends for years and now someone else joins the table — it’s a bit odd.  That’s what it was like at the beginning. I genuinely couldn’t make up my mind whether I liked it or not. And then, when she was doing the Hollywood round she started to grow on me and I think she’s ballsy.

When asked if Kara and Paula were walking on eggshells around one another during Hollywood Week:

A little bit, but you know what it’s like… — when you work with other people you never want the people that you work with to do well.  You don’t.  It’s just not in your human nature to want that.

Regarding the success of the other American Idol judges:

If I read about their deals, I’m not exactly opening bottles of champagne in joy because something good is happening in their lives.  I’m not like that and trust me, they’re not doing the same for me.

On how Simon has made the world a more beautiful place:

She’s looking better and I really mean this — I think I have made her look better, and I’m not kidding here… Physically [she] definitely looks better since she’s been working with me.  I think she just got to terms with the way I like people to look and I think she changed her wardrobe, her hair, because she heard me saying, ‘I like this’ and ‘I like that,’ so I definitely had a positive affect on the way that she looks.

Then I realized during the Hollywood round, she’s actually quite funny.  I think she knows what she’s talking about, so she’s growing on me… She’s quite hot now actually. But I promise you, you’ll see the difference. She looks better now.

I love how he’s just like “Yeah, I don’t really want others to succeed.”  Isn’t he beyond arrogant?  Love him.  Still.