Smart kid.

It appears Shia LaBeouf refused to submit to a blood alcohol test following his drunk driving incident in July.

As such, he won’t be prosecuted for DUI — the L.A. County D.A. just rejected the case on grounds of insufficient evidence. They do plan to file charges against the other driver involved in the accident.

Shia’s license will probably be suspended for awhile because of his refusal to submit to the test, but that’s still better than a DUI!

Stupid Shia LaBeouf has his left hand in his damn pocket in EVERY SINGLE PHOTO from the Eagle Eye LA premiere. You can see a little hint of the cast here, but, for the most part, he’s just being a total cocktease about it. Whip it out, Shia!

Also there: Megan Fox, looking totally edible, Michelle Monaghan, looking totally pregnant, and Rosario Dawson, looking like she’s had some work done, but I can’t pinpoint what.

So the new promo for the Shia LaBeouf film Eagle Eye is a kickass virtual game that you can play at eagleeyefreefall.com.

Basically, you become a secret agent and the game actually calls your cell phone with instructions from your agency — and then you start making phone calls on their behalf. It’s very innovative and very cool, even if the technology doesn’t always quite understand what you’re trying to say.

Here’s my question: Is this thing beatable? No matter what I try, I fail in my mission.

So I’m sending in you guys. If anyone can win this game, I’m sure it’s one of you.

I wouldn’t advise playing this at the office — you have to do a lot of talking into your cell phone that probably won’t sound much like work.

This is really a fantastic set of photos, because we get too see Shia LaBeouf and his be-bandaged hand on the set of Transformers 2, plus a nice look at Megan Fox adjusting her titties.

Sometimes the gods just give us these little gifts, and we must accept them humbly.

Okay, so here’s like, my biggest pet peeve in the world. I call the cable company to ask a question. Before I can talk to a human being, I’m asked to key in my telephone number. I do this. Then a human being answers, and asks me for my telephone number. I give it to her. Then this human being asks me for my name, address and account number. I tell her. Then she asks me what I need. I tell her. Then she’s like, “Oh, okay, I’m gonna have to pass you along to XYZ Dept.” And I’m like “Okay.” So then another human being gets on the line. He asks me my phone number. I give it to him. Then he asks me for my name, address and account number. I give it to him. Then he asks me what I need. I tell him. He’s like, “Okay, I’m gonna go ahead and take care of the first part of that for you, but you need to speak to the folks at ABC Dept for the second part. I’ll send your call to them.” Then a third human being gets on the line. She asks me for my telephone number. I give it to her. Then she asks me for my name, address and account number. I give it to her. Then she wants to know what I need.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, PEOPLE!!! WE HAVE SENT A MAN TO WALK ON THE MOON! CAN YOU NOT TRANSFER MY MOTHERFUCKING ACCOUNT INFORMATION ALONG WITH THE PHONE CALL???? HOW FUCKING HARD CAN THIS POSSIBLY BE???? MAYBE IF WE SET UP A FACEBOOK GROUP TO WALK YOU THROUGH IT???

Anyway.

Extra has the tape of the 911 call made in relation to the Shia LaBeouf car accident, which was a very bad accident. The stupid lady who answers makes the caller give her all the info, then transfers her to the LAPD, where she has to give the info again, and then the LAPD wants her to tell it to the ambulance driver again. Like OMFG JUST GET A FUCKING POLICE CAR TO THE CORNER OF FOUNTAIN AND LA BREA WHERE THERE’S A FUCKING CAR TURNED UPSIDE-DOWN. THIS IS NOT A GAME OF WHERE’S WALDO. YOU WILL BE ABLE TO FIND IT.

Sorry.

I went to the DMV today. I’m in a bad mood.

Star magazine is reporting that Shia LaBeouf’s hand may be so badly injured that they have to amputate his pinky finger.

“Shia called producers yesterday and told them,” the source on the set in Alamogordo, N.M. says. “It’s really thrown the movie into turmoil.”

I thought about this for awhile, feeling really bad for him, and then I was like, “What do I really use my pinky finger for anyway?” I mean, typing, obviously, and then on occasion to demonstrate visually the penis size of men who have stopped returning my phone calls. Shia’s probably not doing a lot of either, so he’ll be fine.

Update: This rumor is apparently false.

Shia LaBeouf debuts his injured hand during a smoke break outside the hospital.

Ouch!

Also, I’m on DAY SIX without smoking! WOO HOO!!!

And somehow this picture makes me want a cigarette. Addiction is so weird. But I’m not going to have one!

I know, I know. It’s all Shia all the time this week. We could move on to something else if somebody would just plant a tiny bag of heroin on Miley Cyrus and make an anonymous phone call to the LAPD. Hell, I’d do it my damn self if I still lived in LA. Selena Gomez, if you’re reading this: I will pay you back for the heroin if you want to jump on this idea.

Anywho, Access Hollywood has been stalking anyone who was even remotely involved in Sunday’s DU-Shi incident, and they found some eyewitness who said the driver of the other vehicle actually told Shia to take off. Shia, however, decided to stay.

“Shia was tending to the other people in the car, signing over information, like insurance and stuff and basically, I overheard the guy tell him, ‘You should just get out of here and go,’ and Shia said, ‘Nah man. I gotta deal with this. My license plate, it’s my car. I don’t wanna go, I gotta deal with this.’”

…

“The guy Shia hit told him, ‘You should get outta here,’ and ‘I never saw you.’ He said, ‘I never saw you,’ and Shia said, ‘No, man, I gotta stay here and deal with this. It’s my problem.”

The driver of the other vehicle, strangely, hasn’t been identified yet. Why would he tell Shia to take off? Of course the cops would eventually track him down. Was this guy hoping Shia would be like, “Oh, thanks, man. Here’s my number: call me and I’ll totally get your script produced. Catch ya later!” Good to see Shia was at least not a complete idiot about the situation.