Despite The Fact That No One Cares, Lance Armstrong Shares Reason For Split With Sheryl Crow
Friday, May 8th, 2009
Oh, Lance Armstrong. If he wasn’t busy with his knocked-up girlfriend, I’d so be trying to fix him up with Jennifer Aniston. Why? Because his biography, the imaginatively titled “Lance”, is coming out this summer and he talks about his break up with Sheryl Crow. I know, I know-haven’t we all just been haunted, wondering “why?” ever since their split three years ago? Anyway, I was thinking Lance and Jen would be the perfect couple. They could get together and lament about Brad and Sheryl and we could all try to determine which of the four of them is the most tan.
As I’m pretty sure I said last December, Lance and Sheryl broke up in 2006 because they were in different places in their lives. “Different places” is always code for “I don’t want kids,” or “I’m gay.” She moved on and adopted a baby boy and he got his girlfriend pregnant because he thought his spermies were all dead soldiers.
In conclusion, this is what happens to you when there is a slow news day. I talk about long-ended relationships that no one ever cared about even when they existed. I will now go troll the wire looking for news on celebrity deaths, divorces and melees so we never have to suffer through another story like this again. Wish me luck!




















