Of all the people you could pick to stalk, why Shawn Johnson? Not that the inner workings of a stalker’s mind are at all rational, but I’ve often wondered what it is that triggers these people to become fixated on random d-list celebrities.

Last week, Wendie posted about Robert O’Ryan being arrested while trying to sneak on to the set of Dancing with the stars in an attempt to meet up with 17-year-old wholesome as American flags wrapped in babies and baked in apple pie Shawn Johnson.
I remember hearing that guns and duct tape were found in his car, and that he was convinced that she wanted him to father her child. Ryan has since been charged with one felony count of stalking and two misdemeanor counts of carrying a loaded firearm in a vehicle.

But hold on to your bags and bags of anti-psychotic drugs, it gets even weirder:

“The LAPD located a loaded .45 handgun, a loaded shotgun, and materials classically used for kidnapping including duct tape, zip ties, and a map to the victim. Also found were love letters, clippings and other information on the victim.”
“He had packed all his belongings and permanently left Florida to drive out here to be with [Shawn Johnson], he believes that she speaks to him personally through the television set and through ESP and that they will have a child together, he stated he would be with her no matter what.”

I’m going to ignore the humorous use of “classically” to describe kidnapping tools, and instead focus on the fact that Shawn Johnson has horrible super powers that threaten to invade our minds at any moment. Whatever you do, do NOT watch Dancing With the Stars, unless you also want to be driven insane and impregnated by her mutant seed. This threat must be controled people! Seriously scary.

In other stalker news, an Austrian fugitive was arrested in Mexico and deported back to her home country on Thursday so she can stand trial for stalking David Caruso.
WTF? David fucking Caruso?? Are you serious? According to the Associated Press, the woman wrote 100’s of fan letters to Caruso, asked him for an autograph, and then began writing letters threatening to kill him when he refused to give her one.
There is a CSI joke in here somewhere, but it’s eluding me. Someone break out the hammy acting and the blacklights so I can find it.

Shawn Johnson has back-flipped her way into somebody’s heart! A man was arrested on Tuesday near the set of Dancing with the Stars, after he jumped the fence and tried to meet Shawn.

Robert O’Ryan, 34, allegedly jumped a fence at CBS Studios in L.A. where the show was filming, but was caught by security. Johnson’s mother, Teri, requested and received a temporary restraining order from the L.A. Superior Court on Wednesday.

Approached by security while roaming the studio grounds, O’Ryan admitted he was attempting to meet Johnson, but after Johnson was contacted and said she didn’t know O’Ryan, he changed his story and said he was there to meet Steve-O, according to court documents. No one in Steve-O’s group knew O’Ryan, either.

O’Ryan allegedly told LAPD that he had “packed all his belongings and permanently left Florida to drive out here to be with [Johnson],” Teri Johnson wrote in the request for a restraining order.

Among the disturbing items allegedly found in the man’s car: A loaded shotgun, a loaded Colt .45 handgun and Johnson memorabilia.

Man, thank goodness Steve-O’s sober these days, right? A wasted Steve-O would have been like, “Uh, yeah, I probably know him, whatever, let him on in.”

Said Shawn’s mother Teri: “This incident has caused us severe emotional distress, we have been on the move ever since and have not been able to rest at all for fear that this disturbed person will attempt to make good on his statements and attempt to harm my daughter and possibly us as well.”

I completely understand their fear. What I don’t understand is why anyone would want to kill Shawn Johnson. I mean, if you’re gonna go after one of those girls, you go after Alicia Sacramone, right? At least Shawn stayed on the damn balance beam.

I’ve never really watched Dancing with the Stars, but I may be getting into it this season, as I am super-psyched to watch both Shawn Johnson and, of course, The Woz.

Here’s Shawn leaving her first DWTS rehearsal in LA yesterday.

The only thing that would make this better is if they had Alicia Sacramone competing too. I guess it’s better they don’t, though. It would be very dangerous. Alicia would probably fall off the stage.

Nastia Liukin may have beat her for the all-around gold in Beijing, but, back here in the States, Shawn Johnson is out to prove she’s still the more fuckable of the female U.S. all-around gymnastics competitors (nobody’s even trying to compete with Alicia Sacramone).

I know, I know. She’s still underage. And, at sixteen, she probably still doesn’t get her period. So you may think it’s wrong of me to say things like that. But if you think for one second that details like that are preventing the adult men of America from masturbating to her image, you, my friend, are the one in the wrong.

She’s so small. So compact. So perky. So bouncy. Wearing such short shorts.

So who’s hotter, guys? Shawn or Nastia?

Here are the 10 most-watched broadcast network prime-time shows for the week ended Sunday, according to Nielsen Media Research:

1. Summer Olympics (Tuesday), NBC, 34 million
2. Summer Olympics (Saturday), NBC, 31.6 million
3. Summer Olympics (Monday), NBC, 30.2 million
4. Summer Olympics (Thursday), NBC, 29.7 million
5. Summer Olympics (Wednesday), NBC, 27.7 million
6. Summer Olympics (Sunday), NBC, 27.2 million
7. Summer Olympics (Friday), NBC, 26.1 million
8. Two and a Half Men, CBS, 8.1 million
9. NCIS, CBS, 7.2 million
10. 60 Minutes, 7.1 million

On average, the viewership numbers for these Olympics are 13% higher than we saw during the Athens games.

NBC owes Mr. Phelps a thank-you note.

Were Shawn Johnson and Nastia Liukin able to reclaim gold from the Chinese in the women’s all-around???

Jump in to find out!!!

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