Her body looks pretty good for a 51 year old. But I fully expect to end up in a sausage casing in some shady bodega– or be disposed of in some other equally violent type of mob hit– for posting this. Something about her frightens me.

Stone butched it up in Sardinia this weekend while vacationing with family– scratching her ass, smoking a fatty, and… shoving a water hose in her mouth. That’s not a euphemism for anything– she inexplicably shoved the nozzle of a water hose in her mouth while rinsing off.

I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves:

More in the gallery.

Quickly! Someone call the cops! Where is security in all this? Sharon Stone is in a public place and she’s touching small children!!!

Wait, what? They’re her children? That is impossible. Sharon Stone does not have ovaries. It’s a little-known tidbit that she took her stage name from the fact that was born with stones instead of ovaries. The stones were also found in her heart and in the part of the brain that controls fashion choices.

Ah, the sons are adopted. That makes more sense. She adopted the first one with then-husband, Phil Bronstein, before she divorced and then ate him. She adopted her second two on her own. And now they are all playing at the park. So nice.

Elton John’s yearly party is super exclusive and tough to get an invite to.  Having said that, I’m having a few “What the fuck,” moments.

What the fuck?  Simon Cowell and Terri Seymour are back together?

What the fuck?  What is that French’s Golden Mustard get-up Dita Von Teese wearing?

What the fuck?  Rachel Griffiths in head-to-toe grey flannel?  Is she fat or just pregnant?  Oh, she’s pregnant.  Still…that’s not right.

Bai Ling?  Just, what the fuck?

Ugh, I had more to say, but I looked at too many pictures of Posh and now I must sleep…can’t…keep…eyes…open.

You know all that bitching we were doing about Angelina appearing at events dressed in what appeared to be belted nightgowns? Well, I think she got tired of it because this is what she wore to The Orange  British Academy Film Awards.

A few other arrivals are below. Sharon Stone looks amazing, Alesha Dixon went for high drama, Penelope Cruz looks a little like she’s being strangled by a velvet turtleneck, and Dominic Cooper is hot. I don’t like Emma Watson’s dress, but it may just be a bad angle. 

Sharon Stone and her much younger boyfriend, Chase Dreyfous, were spotted leaving Katsuya on Wednesday night.

How many animals died to make your outfit, Sharon?

You’re enough of a cougar as it is! I should dye you blue and wear you around my shoulders!

Images via WENN

Sharon Stone does her very best insane-chic at the 23rd Annual American Cinematheque Awards in Beverly Hills.

Seriously, please check out the pic of the back of her hair. It’s, like, barely even brushed, let alone straightened.

A judge merely denied her a request to enroll her son in school in Los Angeles; Roan currently lives and attends school where his father resides, in northern California. The custody agreement has not been altered.

Meanwhile, for anyone who cares, the San Francisco Examiner just endorsed the McCain/Palin ticket. Craziness ensues.