Memo to Pam Anderson: asking Heidi Fleiss to be your matchmaker is like — well — asking Kid Rock to be your husband. [A Socialite's Life]

Fantasia is looking a little hot and bothered. [IBBB]

Hooray! Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker are sucking face again. I bet now she feels really bad for not inviting him to her divorce party. [Pop on the Pop]

If you are currently running a major Britney-focused fansite, and you’d like to expand your Internet empire to cover the whole celeb gossip kingdom, now would really be the perfect time to shut down your Britney site, blame it on Britney’s loss of “identity and credibility,” and let gossip bloggers worldwide write about it, creating priceless hype for the project you hope to launch in the new year. Oh, someone already thought to do that? Damn. [The Blemish, World of Britney]

70% of Victoria Beckham’s weight is nipples. That’s nearly 35 pounds of nipples! [Agent Bedhead]

You know how, sometimes, you can be, like, a 100% heterosexual woman, and yet there are totally a handful of chicks you would probably have sex with? Yeah. Dita Von Teese. [Celebrity Smack]

Hey, Meg Ryan, your breasts are kind of like your career: they’re not just going to hold themselves up forever. [Cele|bitchy]

Memo to Pam Anderson: asking Heidi Fleiss to be your matchmaker is like — well — asking Kid Rock to be your husband. [A Socialite's Life]

Fantasia is looking a little hot and bothered. [IBBB]

Hooray! Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker are sucking face again. I bet now she feels really bad for not inviting him to her divorce party. [Pop on the Pop]

If you are currently running a major Britney-focused fansite, and you’d like to expand your Internet empire to cover the whole celeb gossip kingdom, now would really be the perfect time to shut down your Britney site, blame it on Britney’s loss of “identity and credibility,” and let gossip bloggers worldwide write about it, creating priceless hype for the project you hope to launch in the new year. Oh, someone already thought to do that? Damn. [The Blemish, World of Britney]

70% of Victoria Beckham’s weight is nipples. That’s nearly 35 pounds of nipples! [Agent Bedhead]

You know how, sometimes, you can be, like, a 100% heterosexual woman, and yet there are totally a handful of chicks you would probably have sex with? Yeah. Dita Von Teese. [Celebrity Smack]

Hey, Meg Ryan, your breasts are kind of like your career: they’re not just going to hold themselves up forever. [Cele|bitchy]

Martha Stewart’s found an “Apprentice” that fits in just right. [A Socialite's Life]

Christina Aguilera’s hubby, Fugly McMusicProducer, was spotted partying solo and ringless. Trouble in paradise? [Gabsmash]

Paris Hilton lies about her sex life. [The Blemish]

Shanna Moakler is just glad to see another Miss USA labeled as a drunken slut. Although, in fairness, Shanna was never accused of making out with teenage girls. [TMZ]

Nicole Richie goes grocery shopping. Hopefully for some freaking Midol. [MollyGood]

Christina Aguilera does a little drinkin’ herself. [Perez Hilton]

I’ve lost track of how many times Snoop Dogg’s been arrested this year. But add one. [TMZ]

Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler take a break from hating one another to get dinner at Mr. Chow’s. [Pop on the Pop]

Milla Jovovich? Still hot. [CelebSlam]

Gasp! One of the Gotti kids got arrested. [DListed]

Cameron Diaz can’t marry Justin Timberlake because she’s “commitment-phobic.” And certainly not because he hasn’t proposed. [HollyScoop]

Lindsay Lohan is in movies? Huh. [Pajiba]

Just for the record, I was into Regina Spektor before anybody. This song was on my MySpace page like a hundred years ago. Just so everyone knows. [BWE]

Check out this X17 video of Shanna Moakler last night, after the Dancing with the Stars finale after-party. A photog asks her if she’s talked to Paris since “the incident.” Shanna laughs and says she has not. The guy follows up by asking her what she would say to Paris if she were to talk to her. “She should take her Valtrex!” responds Moakler. Valtrex is, of course, a herpes medication. Ouch.

On a side note, Shanna’s lost most of her marriage weight and is starting to look really good again.

Oh thank heavens. Aaron Carter and Jack Osbourne are feuding. And here I was worried it was going to be another slow news week. [AllieIsWired]

Heather Locklear and David Spade left Mr. Chow’s in the same car, so, as a responsible journalist, I must assume they are dating again. [SplashNews]

YouTube quickly pulled the video of the Kanye West tirade at the MTV Europe VMAs, but Google doesn’t own iFilm yet. Boo-yah. [iFilm]

Daniel Craig is getting rave reviews as the new 007, but it seems he has a bit of a potty mouth. This link also has the long version of the Casino Royale trailer. [The Bosh]

If you weren’t fortunate enough to attend Shanna Moakler’s Las Vegas divorce party in person, you can experience all the emotional health and maturity in these pictures. I hope you get a good, hearty laugh out of them, like I’m sure her children will. [ICYDK]

Don’t stock up on Vaseline just yet — it’s only a rumor thus far — but there is, allegedly, a Scarlett Johansson sex tape in existence, and someone is trying to sell it. [Eluid]

Paris and Nicole pose for their very first pictures as a reunited couple. Nicole’s dyed her hair dark brown — it actually looks nice — and, I could be dreaming, but, based on several pictures I’ve seen of her from this weekend, it looks like she may actually be putting on some weight. Way to go, Nicole! [Rappy's]

Thanks anyway, Katharine McPhee, but Nicole Richie doesn’t need advice from some recovering bulimic, no matter how desperate said bulimic may be to extend her fifteen minutes of fame. Besides, everyone knows bulimics are just wannabe anorexics who got too damn hungry. [Gossip or Truth]

Also cashing in her eating disorder chip today is Alison Clinton, the nanny Sara Evans accused of sleeping with her sex addict of a husband. She claims Evans’ allegations have triggered an anorexia relapse. And her brothers are going to Iraq. And she’s unemployed. She weighs just over seventy pounds, and, as part of her recovery program, it’s important that information be distributed to the entire readership of Star magazine. [Star]

But wait! We’re not through with eating disorders yet! Up now: Kate Bosworth has opted to embrace Karen Carpenter’s wardrobe along with her fatal illness. [Teddy and Moo]

Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler: Battle of the MySpace Blogs. Come for the venom. Stay for the spelling mistakes. [Tabloid Whore]

Seriously, maybe we should just stop inviting Kanye West to awards shows. [Bossip]

AmIdol’s Kelly Pickler releases her first album, entitled — shockingly — Small Town Girl. They’re planning on using a photo of her visiting her father in jail as the cover. And she’ll be holding a book upside-down. And eating sushi with an eyelash curler. [Girls Talkin' Smack]