In their rushed efforts to create a new Miley Cyrus before the original’s sex tape leaks, Disney appears to have greenlit a Wizards of Waverly Place film, which will throw relative newcomer Selena Gomez onto the big screen and deeper into the hearts of pre-teen America.

Selena also continues to hawk her Shia LaBeouf crush, repeating her request that he make an appearance on her show. “I’m, like, begging, but it’s not happening. I know I’m a nerd! Please, Shia, come on my show!”

Wonder what Nick Jonas thinks of all this nonsense. He’s probably too busy worrying about his big-screen debut, co-starring a flatulent dog. OMG! COULD WE GET MILEY CYRUS TO PLAY THE DOG???? That would be so awesome.

Selena “Perfect” Gomez has some brilliant PR folks.

She’s being positioned so well.

They’re just waiting for Miley Cyrus to self-destruct, so Selena can step up and be like, “See? I’m just like Miley Cyrus, except without the sex tape and the DUI.”

Here’s Selena mugging with some kids at the launch of UNICEF’s Trick-or-Treat campaign in New York.

First we hear the devastating news that Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas have called it quits, and now it’s looking like little Nicholas may be on the market, too.

Selena Gomez — who’s been linked to Miley Cyrus’s ex Nick Jonas for the better part of the year — reportedly told red-carpet reporters she was single at the St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital’s Runway for Life benefit.

When a reporter asked her about any celebrity crushes, she shouted “Let Shia know I’m available!”

Hmm …

Is this a declaration of singledom from Ms. Gomez???

So there’s a story on People.com today about how Selena Gomez wrote one of the tracks on her upcoming album about current beau Nick Jonas. “It’s about a boy I kind of fell for, but he couldn’t let his ex-girlfriend go, and it was really difficult … The song is basically me saying that I’m sorry that it didn’t work out or that she used to be who she was. But you have to let me in and you have to know that I’ll do everything I can to make you happy and be the best I can be,” says Selena.

Meanwhile, a couple weeks ago, there were stories about how Miley had written her hit “7 Things” about the very same Nick Jonas.

Now, as a perfectly healthy, well-adjusted 26-year-old woman, I am, of course, intrigued and semi-obsessed with the two 15-year-old girls fighting over an equally 15-year-old boy. I follow every article, every catty YouTube video, every half-hearted apology, every bitchy T-shirt, because that’s a perfectly understandable thing for a grown woman to be doing. I don’t, however, give a shit about Nick Jonas or the Jonas Brothers, because — come on — I’m a grown woman.

And, so, when, every now and then, a photograph of Nick Jonas crosses my path by sheer accident, I kind of do a double-take. Like, “There must be some mistake. That’s clearly not Nick Jonas.” I mean, if you look up the word “goober” in the dictionary, you’re going to find this kid’s mug staring right back at you. He looks about ten years old, while Miley and Selena look about twenty-two.

When I think back with fondness on the days that Lindsay and Hilary were battling it out over Aaron Carter, I’m like, ya know, at least he was hot for his age. I get that.

And I’m sorry to sound like Jerry “Shoe Shower” Seinfeld here, but what’s the deal with Nick Jonas?

Someone please explain.

Here’s the very first music video from Disney up-and-comer/Miley Cyrus nemesis Selena Gomez.

What’s the verdict, kids? Does this girl have what it takes to be the next Miley Cyrus? Maybe she needs to leak a few sexy pics before we can really make that decision.

TEAM MILEY!

Here’s Selena Gomez and a fan … and a Leo lookalike!!!! … at the UR Votes Count event in LA on Saturday.

How freaking cute is that dog???

The doggie looks just like Leo, with one small difference: Leo is cuter.