Scarlett Johansson is currently in England filming The Other Boleyn Girl, but perhaps her thoughts should be focused on The Other Hartnett Girl. Scarlett’s boyfriend, Josh Hartnett, was recently spotted in Sydney having a seemingly romantic weekend with a woman who is definitely not Scarlett. When Josh and his girl were spotted at an airport, the actor told photogs to “get fucked.”

Rumors of trouble in the ScoJo/Hartnett paradise have been circulating for awhile. Scarlett is said to be unhappy with the fact that Josh is always away filming, and I think Josh is having some trouble coping with the fact that every man on the planet jacks off to his girlfriend. Remember, before Scarlett, Josh dated his high-school sweetheart, Ellen Fenster, until early 2004, way after he was already famous. So is it really a big surprise that he’s back to messing around with a no-name?

Oh hells no! Britney removes K-Fed from her top 12 on MySpace. That’s what you get for writing mean things about her on shower walls, Kevin. [Faded Youth]

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty are turned away from the London world premiere of Casino Royale, after someone very wise determined that perhaps Queen Elizabeth should not share a red carpet with a world-renowned cokehead. [Agent Bedhead]

Madonna confirms that she plans to adopt a baby girl from Malawi, in order to “redress the balance” in her family. Madonna says things like “redress” because she’s British. Oh wait. [Dirty Laundry]

Donald Trump is going to be a grandpa. Sadly, it’s not because Lance Armstrong knocked up Ivanka. [The Bosh]

Madame Tussaud’s unveils the new Ashlee Simpson wax likeness. What’s that? Oh, I’m told that’s actually Ashlee Simpson. [Celebrity Smack]

Okay, so, in college, some friends and I determined that Sexual Misadventures with Kimmy Gibbler would be, hands-down, the best band name ever. My reasons for mentioning this now are twofold. First, it’s still true, and someone should get on that. Second, Bob Saget actually makes reference to sex with Kimmy Gibbler in this clip of his stand-up, where he sings “Danny Tanner Is Not Gay” to the tune of the Backstreet Boys’ “I Want it That Way.” [BWE]

Are you ready to masturbate to sneakers? Reebok sure hopes so. They’ve hired Scarlett to co-create a line of footwear and apparel and star in the ad campaign. [IDLYITW]

Finally! It’s time for the Reese Witherspoon love interest rumors! Up first: Jake Gyllenhaal. [Hollywood Grind]

Oh thank heavens. Aaron Carter and Jack Osbourne are feuding. And here I was worried it was going to be another slow news week. [AllieIsWired]

Heather Locklear and David Spade left Mr. Chow’s in the same car, so, as a responsible journalist, I must assume they are dating again. [SplashNews]

YouTube quickly pulled the video of the Kanye West tirade at the MTV Europe VMAs, but Google doesn’t own iFilm yet. Boo-yah. [iFilm]

Daniel Craig is getting rave reviews as the new 007, but it seems he has a bit of a potty mouth. This link also has the long version of the Casino Royale trailer. [The Bosh]

If you weren’t fortunate enough to attend Shanna Moakler’s Las Vegas divorce party in person, you can experience all the emotional health and maturity in these pictures. I hope you get a good, hearty laugh out of them, like I’m sure her children will. [ICYDK]

Don’t stock up on Vaseline just yet — it’s only a rumor thus far — but there is, allegedly, a Scarlett Johansson sex tape in existence, and someone is trying to sell it. [Eluid]

Paris and Nicole pose for their very first pictures as a reunited couple. Nicole’s dyed her hair dark brown — it actually looks nice — and, I could be dreaming, but, based on several pictures I’ve seen of her from this weekend, it looks like she may actually be putting on some weight. Way to go, Nicole! [Rappy's]

Apparently Madonna isn’t adopting an African child so much as she’s kinda stealing one. Rule-bending in exchange for cash? In Malawi? [I'm Bringing Blogging Back]

Lindsay Lohan and Keira Knightley are going to hook up. On camera. I’m serious this time. [Pop on the Pop]

And the first interview with Michael Jackson since he left the U.S. in June 2005 goes to…Billy Bush? [Access Hollywood]

After her riveting turn making a whore of Christian Troy (like that’s hard) on Nip/Tuck, Rosie O’Donnell may get her own spin-off. [NY Post]

Today in cost-cutting: Moviefone conducts its Ashton Kutcher interview via IM. [Moviefone]

PR folks everywhere continue to realize that banning Paris Hilton from your event is a surefire way to score some publicity. I’m still totally okay with that, Esquire Show House in Los Angeles. [Hollyscoop]

ScoJo signs a deal to record her first album. The working title is Scarlett Sings Tom Waits, but they’re thinking of changing it to Hipster Masturbation 3000. [Junkiness]

• Hey boys! Just when you thought masturbating to thoughts of Miss Cleo couldn’t get any better — turns out she’s a lezzie!
• Aaron Carter breaks off his week-long engagement to Kari Ann Peniche, because he’s now met the requisite media usage quota of “House of Carters” as detailed in his contract with E!, and because, you know, she used to fuck his brother.
• KFed’s not even going to include “PoPoZao” on his debut album, Playing with Fire; it’s being replaced by a duet between him and his wife, Britney Spears. So, by its late October release date, we should all be ready to welcome Britney Spears’ Playing with Fire, featuring Kevin Federline.
• Are Paris & Nicole combining their evil powers once again?
• How many people does it take to wax Scarlett Johansson’s vag? A whole “waxing crew,” apparently. [via Junkiness]
• Triumph the Insult Comic Dog bangs fellow puppet Ernie of Sesame Street. The folks at Childrens’ Workshop are all like “even our audience knows that stupid dog is played out.”
• Jackass Number Two makes number one at the box office. This, folks, is why the terrorists hate us.

• Eminem’s trying to work out the details of his divorce from Kim Mathers. Again.
• Scarlett Johansson loves being curvy, and she doesn’t want to change a thing about herself. Which is totally fine, but it would be nice if she could change the character she plays every once in awhile.
• Teri Hatcher has very expensive THO. According to the Desperate Housewives star, during the show’s first season, the producers spent thousands of dollars digitally erasing her nipples. For the love of Christ, will someone please run her picture this week? Next thing you know, she’ll be running to the press with some story about how she was sexually molested as a child. What’s that? Oh.
• “The One Where Joey Represents Himself in Divorce Proceedings with His Estranged Wife”

• Wait, what? Drugs might be involved in the death of Anna Nicole Smith’s son? Surely you jest.