Is it me or is Scar-Jo totally channeling Brigitte Nielsen from Rocky IV in 1985?

These are from something called the Coachella Music Festival (I think… our fact checker is out sick so I can’t be certain).

The first one is Amy Winehouse getting her sing on, there’s something oddly captivating about her look… but I’m guessing that will fade as the addictions take their toll.

Next up, Scarlett Jo trying to sing while wearing an “I’m seven months pregnant” frock.

Scarlett Jo (full last name withheld due to possible spelling errors) is maybe possibly dating someone new.

People Magazine is all over it!

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds spent a busy weekend in New York City together. On Saturday night, the pair were seen getting close at the Manhattan restaurant Odeon. “They were in a good mood,” says one eyewitness who saw them laughing and smiling. “They were definitely holding hands,” says another observer. “They were a cute couple!”

Hey there observer, you watch yourself. I’ll be the judge as to whether they are a cute couple. Okay, I’ve decided. They’re not.

More after the jump. (more…)

So Scarlett took a third role in a Woody Allen film. Fine. I’ve moved past it. But don’t you dare come out and compliment this wife’s adopted daughter coveting bastard. Don’t you do it Scarlett!

Sigh. You did it.

“I’d sew the hems of his pants if he asked me to,” the actress, 22, says in the April issue of Vogue.

Yes, and he’d allow you to. You’re the requisite 40 years younger he requires. Better to drink the blood of the young you see. Woody chimes in describing her as:

“criminally sexy,” telling the magazine: “While she is a much stronger actress in every way, there is a tiny bit of Marilyn Monroe in her zaftig humidity.”

Zaftig = juicy, succulent. Nice Wood, nice. You got her right where you want her. For fun let’s look at a bonus quote from 2005 from Woody.

Allen estimated that, despite the scandal’s damage to his reputation, Farrow’s discovery of Allen’s attraction to Soon-Yi Previn, by accidentally finding nude photographs of her, was “just one of the fortuitous events, one of the great pieces of luck in my life. [...] It was a turning point for the better.”

There you have it. This is a lucky dude. Also he’s a talentless hack. Go away.

S-Jo is going to star in another Goddamn Woody Allen film??

Scarlett, honey, the guy married his adopted daughter. Worse for you, he lost his fastball where film is concerned about two decades ago. I get it, you wanted to work with the Wood-man when you were growing up, but vanity time is over now. You’ve got to start doing serious work.

Let’s see what the past two Wood projects got ya:

Match Point $23 million at the box office
Scoop $10 million at the box office.

No, box office is not the only barometer of quality so let’s look at all the awards of note these films won. Still waiting? Yeah, I thought so. Yeah, Match Point picked up some silly third rate hardware that no one has ever heard of.

Let me guess, this film will be a quirky romance style of deal, hopefully one where Wood gets to bed you so the audience can cringe in horror. Stop taking his calls. It’s the decent thing to do at this point.

S-Jo is headed to Broadway!

This is good news for a myriad of reasons; not the least of which is the idea that I’ll know her specific location for hours at a time. You can’t imagine how helpful this is on the stalking front.

Even better the article states:

Screen beauty Scarlett Johansson is in the running to play Nellie Forbush in a sexy revival of “South Pacific” at Lincoln Center.

You see that? Sexy revival! She’s bringing sexy back, the only downside being she’s clearly aligned too tightly with J-Tim’s worldviews on sexy. Plus the fact that she’s playing Ms. Forbush will keep us bloggers in jokes for weeks at a time.

I would like EvilT to take me to this. I will buy the popcorn.

Scojo has totally let the world know what she thinks of Lindsay Lohan in Parade Magazine. She doesn’t mention Lindsay outright but this quote leaves little to the imagination. Talking about her work habits Scarlett lets us know that, unlike some party-happy starlets, she gets to work on time.

“I’m very responsible when I’m working. I’ve just been doing it for a long time, and I’m not the kind of person who is going to show up to work three hours late, or maybe not come at all. That’s just not who I am. That just has to do with the fact that I understand that everybody else comes to work, and we would all like to get an extra four hours of sleep, but what can you do?”.

Scarlett is a class act. She can be famous without whoring herself out to the paparazzi twenty minutes after she gets out of rehab. The creepy thing, however, is that they both dated Jared Leto. Ew.