Seriously, Scarlett Johansson should have just done a porn movie. It would have been more subtle than the new Moet & Chandon ad campaign that she has lent her face and tits to.
Can we all take a moment here to count all the subliminal messages in these pictures? Scarlett Johansson bringing a magnum to explosive orgasm. Scarlett Johansson posing with a vase full of vaginae. Scarlett Johansson fisting an ice bucket.
Forget about drinking champagne. I need a cold shower.
Scarlett Johansson has been all the talk this week since showing up at a “Tribute to Film” looking, reportedly, very thin. According to Page Six, ScarJo was prating on about her super strict regimen in anticipation of the filming of Iron Man 2.
Now before we all start having kittens and spiral into two hundred comments about society’s issues with body weight, I never thought Scarlett Johansson was fat. I didn’t think she was fat before and I don’t think she’s fat now. But I can’t help but wonder if this story of Scarlett’s extreme thinness wasn’t sourced from her publicist. Because I really can’t see any difference, whatsoever in her appearance. Sure, maybe her boobs are a little smaller, and yes, I’ve included pics of the ScarJo of yesteryear so that you may compare. You’re welcome.
Scarlett Johansson and Eva Mendes both look positively edible at the launch party for The Spirit in London on Thursday.
Scarlett in particular looks younger and happier than I’ve seen her look in forever. Did she have work done — or is marriage just treating her really, really well?
I was so happy that we no longer hear this HJNTIY phrase every three minutes and now I fear its resurgence.Â
What chance of success do you think this movie has? It has a huge cast including Scarlett Johansson, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, Justin Long, Jennifer Connelly and Kevin Connolly. I just don’t think that the woman that needs to see this movie ever will. Because she’s never going to think it applies to her.
I remember one specific girl I knew who had a years-long relationship with a guy who wasn’t into her. He would tell her he didn’t love her and that they had no future and she would reply by asking him what he meant by that. As if he could have been any clearer. He would tell her to “fuck off” and she viewed that as him really making an effort to communicate. He had a one-night stand and she believed that his bad judgement was a result of his fear of the intensity of feelings he had for her. I tried to explain that sometimes a man is just not going to be interested enough. And it’s not always for some big meaningful reason like they feel that they don’t deserve happiness. So if you are trying to determine if a guy is into you or not, he isn’t. Doesn’t seem like we should need a book and a movie to grasp that concept.
Oh, allow me to save you some time and eye strain; the answer is no. No matter how many times you slo-mo, rewind, repeat, you cannot see Scarlett Johansson’s boobs at 1:45.
You know, sometimes I ask myself, “Why do we build these celebrities up just to tear them down? To take such joy in their personal sorrows? Why do I participate in such an industry?”
And then I read this sort of bullshit from Scarlett Johansson, in a new interview with Allure, where she’s ohhhhhh so in love with her quickie hubby Ryan Reynolds — for instance, when told by the interviewer that she inspired Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl,” Scarlett said “That’s flattering, but my lips are kind of taken.” And then she’s all like, “I always wanted to get married and have kids. I just never had any preconceived idea about what that would be like … My life seems to be happening naturally.” And when asked how she and Ryan met, she’s like “Nobody knows. It’s private. It’s our story.” And it’s all just SO FREAKIN’ OBNOXIOUS. We get it, Scarlett. Your life is so perfect and you’re so in love and everything is wonderful and ideal and you look down your nose at us poor slobs who only wish we could have it as good and “natural” as you.
And it’s at moments like this where I’m like, “Dude, I cannot fucking wait until this relationship blows up in her face and I get to write about it.”
