Scarlett Johansson is back doing what she does best: shilling designer goods. This time it’s for a Dolce & Gabbana perfume advertisement. There’s another ad and a bunch of photos where this came from and honestly? As far as celebrity-endorsed fragrance commercials, this one ain’t so bad. I mean, let’s face it: They’re all the same. Dramatic, moody, looking more like a short film than an add for something you spray on yourself to downplay how much you still smell like last night’s boozing.

However, it seems like I’ve seen more photos and videos of Scarlett shilling for high-end designers than her acting, which I assume she hasn’t purposely given up to pursue a career in professional endorsements. Guess she must really need the money…

Scarlett Johansson

Most people aren’t a fan of Scarlett Johansson’s singing and acting, but that’s never stopped her from doing it. Now she’s taking it to the next level by appearing on Broadway. Good grief.

The show, A View From the Bridge (which thankfully does not appear to be a musical), will open on January 24th, which means that Scarlett has plenty of time to practice before the big day. However, I wouldn’t be surprised if local area husbands take an interest in the theater, because let’s face it: This broad is sexy as hell no matter what her mouth is doing.

The upside for Scarlett? She’ll be appearing opposite Tony winner Liev Schreiber, who won for his performance in Glengarry Glen Ross. That ought to make the whole play much better and hopefully inspire Scarlett to keep her game stepped up throughout the showing.

I’d like to thank my friends over at Celebitchy for actually watching the whole eight minutes of this video of ScarJo rehearsing and then performing on Ellen.  I could only manage 3.2 minutes before I started sprouting unnatural chest hairs.  Incidentally, Johansson giving Ellen a singing tutorial in the beginning is the most hysterical and ironic thing I’ve ever seen.  It’s like Ellen holding a seminar on how to suck a dick — it just doesn’t make any sense.  Teach what you know, Scar … teach what you know.

Anyway, Scar sang with Pete Yorn and thank you God for Pete Yorn.  He is vocally strong enough to drown out the braying strains of her, and that makes him pretty awesome in my book.

Every time two moderately famous women start in a movie together, cat fight rumors ensue.  If they don’t go for weekly mani/pedis, tattoo each other’s name on their ass, and spend all their holidays together — you know, if they aren’t Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox — the media creates stories of conflict.  Usually, the stars are getting along just fine and the conflicting rumors are completely manufactured.  Usually.

At Comic-Con, Scarlett Johansson tried to put to rest rumors that she didn’t get along with her Iron Man 2 co-star Gwyneth Paltrow.  This was her attempt – it involves characterizing Gwyn as being clueless — at casting their working relationship in a positive light, when asked if there was truth to the rumors that the two fought:

Are there any truth rumors about the cat fight between you and Gwyneth Paltrow?

No, nothing could be further from the truth. I have nothing but wonderful things to say about working with her. Well, she’s very much out of the loop. She’s very much out of the loop, you know — she’s got a wonderful family whom she spends a lot of time with. So for her, she’s like, “What’s going on? What?” And of course Jon [Favreau] who’s on his Twitter, he’s crazy about any kind of news about anything. He’s like “You haven’t heard? You haven’t heard?” And he comes onto set and we’re both like, “Oh god.” Every time I would say to Gwyneth, “Oh yeah, that was on the seventh,” and she’d say, “Are you sure it wasn’t on the sixth?” He’d [Favreau] yell, “what? It’s a cat fight! It’s breaking out.”

I’m convinced.  Aren’t you?

Oooh, I hope so!!! I don’t know why I despise this couple so. The angsty 13-year-old in me who worships Alanis Morissette is still angry on her behalf. Honestly, I’m sure Alanis has completely moved on with her life and doesn’t give a damn what happens between Ryan and Scarlett Johansson, but I’m like “BREAK UP! BREAK UP! BREAK UP!” I also get really bitter about people who just stumble into the love of their lives and marry them after 20 seconds of dating and live happily ever after (anyone remember how psyched I was about Kate Hudson’s marriage ending?). So this was delightful to hear:

[T]he couple has kept their relationship under lock and key for the last 10 months, but our spies warn of recent arguments and fights. The most heated occurred last week, as they were about to depart for San Diego’s Comic Con sci-fi convention.

Scarlett, there to discuss her new role as Black Widow in “Iron Man 2,” was set to appear on her panel with Robert Downey Jr. and other cast members. Ryan was just cast as the lead in “Green Lantern,” a Warner Brothers flick. An insider tells FOX411 “they got in a huge fight just before they were going to Comic Con. It caused such a rift between them that Ryan refused to attend the conference and he told Scarlett she could go alone. She got so angry she threatened to take off her wedding band.”

The conference continued as normal, with a notably absent Ryan missing from the Warner Brothers panel. The company had planned on debuting major plans for the new superhero movie, and now insider says Ryan has “angered the executives.” Apparently Scarlett began the fight but came out smelling like rose thanks to her appearance at the conference.

I keep waiting for the statement from Ryan or Warner Bros or someone denying this, but nothing yet. FINGERS CROSSED!!!

Oh, and what’s with the weird tat, Scarlett?

Actually, though it’s true that Scarlett Johansson is singing again, her music doesn’t seem to sound so bad this time around.  To be warned though, when I say “doesn’t sound so bad” that just means that I’m not getting any new pins for my ScarJo voodoo doll.  It’s stillScarlett Johansson, after all.

Johansson paired up with singer-songwriter Pete Yorn who is best known for writing a bunch of music and scores for television shows and movies.  The CD “Break Up” drops September 8th, but the single “Relator” is available for a listen here.  What do you think?  She’s totally going for a Frenetically Happy Amy Winehouse vibe (as if there was such a thing), no?

Scarlett Johansson has aspirations to transition this acting gig of hers into directing.  Sigh…don’t they all say that?  Well she recently had a chance to direct a segment of New York, I Love You and it ended up being “unwatchable.”

According to an insider, “It was really bad, so it was cut.”

In a face-saving move, the movie’s producer Emmanuel Benbihy had a kinder spin:

“Scarlett presented me with an extremely compelling, albeit unconventional, narrative that appeared as though it would not necessarily conform to the overall approach of the entire collective . . . However, I was very much moved by her vision and I did not want to pass on the opportunity to help her develop it. All that matters to me is the genuine movie language of the author.”

He continued: “Scarlett and I nonetheless agreed that a final determination of its appropriateness in the context of the other contributions and the overall story would be best made in the editorial process. And after months of editing . . . I had to admit that there were editorial decisions to be made in the interest of serving the overall narrative and composition that resulted in previously filmed scenes and footage not getting used.”

Translation?  It sucked.

Seriously, Scarlett Johansson should have just done a porn movie.  It would have been more subtle than the new Moet & Chandon ad campaign that she has lent her face and tits to.

Can we all take a moment here to count all the subliminal messages in these pictures?  Scarlett Johansson bringing a magnum to explosive orgasm.  Scarlett Johansson posing with a vase full of vaginae.  Scarlett Johansson fisting an ice bucket.

Forget about drinking champagne.  I need a cold shower.

Scarlett Johansson has been all the talk this week since showing up at a “Tribute to Film” looking, reportedly, very thin.  According to Page Six, ScarJo was prating on about her super strict regimen in anticipation of the filming of Iron Man 2.

Now before we all start having kittens and spiral into two hundred comments about society’s issues with body weight, I never thought Scarlett Johansson was fat.  I didn’t think she was fat before and I don’t think she’s fat now.  But I can’t help but wonder if this story of Scarlett’s extreme thinness wasn’t sourced from her publicist.  Because I really can’t see any difference, whatsoever in her appearance.  Sure, maybe her boobs are a little smaller, and yes, I’ve included pics of the ScarJo of yesteryear so that you may compare.  You’re welcome.

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At the LA premiere of The Spirit on Wednesday night.

Scarlett Johansson and Eva Mendes both look positively edible at the launch party for The Spirit in London on Thursday.

Scarlett in particular looks younger and happier than I’ve seen her look in forever. Did she have work done — or is marriage just treating her really, really well?