I was so happy that we no longer hear this HJNTIY phrase every three minutes and now I fear its resurgence. 

What chance of success do you think this movie has?  It has a huge cast including Scarlett Johansson, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, Justin Long, Jennifer Connelly and Kevin Connolly.  I just don’t think that the woman that needs to see this movie ever will.  Because she’s never going to think it applies to her.

I remember one specific girl I knew who had a years-long relationship with a guy who wasn’t into her.  He would tell her he didn’t love her and that they had no future and she would reply by asking him what he meant by that.  As if he could have been any clearer.  He would tell her to “fuck off” and she viewed that as him really making an effort to communicate.  He had a one-night stand and she believed that his bad judgement was a result of his fear of the intensity of feelings he had for her.  I tried to explain that sometimes a man is just not going to be interested enough.  And it’s not always for some big meaningful reason like they feel that they don’t deserve happiness.  So if you are trying to determine if a guy is into you or not, he isn’t.  Doesn’t seem like we should need a book and a movie to grasp that concept.

Oh, allow me to save you some time and eye strain; the answer is no.  No matter how many times you slo-mo, rewind, repeat, you cannot see Scarlett Johansson’s boobs at 1:45.

You know, sometimes I ask myself, “Why do we build these celebrities up just to tear them down? To take such joy in their personal sorrows? Why do I participate in such an industry?”

And then I read this sort of bullshit from Scarlett Johansson, in a new interview with Allure, where she’s ohhhhhh so in love with her quickie hubby Ryan Reynolds — for instance, when told by the interviewer that she inspired Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl,” Scarlett said “That’s flattering, but my lips are kind of taken.” And then she’s all like, “I always wanted to get married and have kids. I just never had any preconceived idea about what that would be like … My life seems to be happening naturally.” And when asked how she and Ryan met, she’s like “Nobody knows. It’s private. It’s our story.” And it’s all just SO FREAKIN’ OBNOXIOUS. We get it, Scarlett. Your life is so perfect and you’re so in love and everything is wonderful and ideal and you look down your nose at us poor slobs who only wish we could have it as good and “natural” as you.

And it’s at moments like this where I’m like, “Dude, I cannot fucking wait until this relationship blows up in her face and I get to write about it.”

It’s a fairly well-known trick to put different colors on top and bottom lip to even out their appearance.  But the key is like…slight variations in color.  Scarlett Johansson’s mouth is all I can look at.  Her mismatched mouth appeared at A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Cure Parkinson’s 2008 Benefit for The Michael J. Fox Foundation.

Does Rachael Ray only watch the first twenty minutes of every episode of What Not To Wear?

After talking incessantly about how they were going to have a long engagement, Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds tied the knot this weekend in a low-key ceremony near Vancouver, British Columbia.

Can’t wait for the pregnancy announcement!

A rare shot of Woody Allen and his adopted daughter/wife, Soon-Yi, at the afterparty for the Vicky Cristina Barcelona premiere in LA.

Also there: Scarlett Johansson, looking like she descended from a completely different universe than Woody and Soon-Yi.

The first single off the album, called “Falling Down,” is streaming on AOL.

Listen to it here.

Um, I don’t really know who Tom Waits is, but this sounds like something you’d find on the old masters of a Sarah McLachlan recording session back in 1992.

It’s not, like, super bad or anything. I mean, it’s still a hundred times better than anything Heidi Montag’s come up with. But, Jesus, it’s so, so strange.

Did I mention I can’t believe this is actually fucking happening?

So, so weird.

And, yeah, this is a photo of Scarlett from 1996. Because I accidentally had my WireImage account set up to display search results in ascending chronological order, and so when I was looking for a good photo of Scarlett to use for this post, this photo was the first to show up. And I was like, “So, Scarlett, you wanna be really fucking weird for no good reason? Well. Two can play at that game.”

I keep waiting for her to go on The Today Show or something and be all like, “Ha, fooled ya! You didn’t actually think I was releasing an entire fucking album of Tom Waits covers, did you? Ahhh ha ha ha ha ha! You people will fall for anything these days.”

Instead of doing that, though, she’s releasing the album’s cover art.

The album, Anywhere I Lay My Head, is scheduled for a May 20 release. This cover photo was taken in Louisiana, where the album was recorded.

This is so, so weird. It’s as if I were like, “Hey, guys, I’m going to write a book. What I’m going to do is take all of Walt Whitman’s poems and rewrite them in my voice. I’m calling it Leaves of Ass. It’s gonna be awesome.”

Like, why you gotta be so weird, Scarlett?

Natalie and Scarlett have been doing oodles of press for their new movie “The Other Boleyn Girl.” They were on the Today show for instance.

However, yesterday only Natalie showed up… and she did so in something she made in her third grade art class.

Where was Scarlett? Not sure. But they certainly could have used the press as the movie looks to be dead on impact. If you want to watch a dreadful spoiler laden trailer look no further: