I don’t know. I just don’t understand it.

She looks like she just left a middle-school slumber party where her friends braided her hair and everyone took shots of Kool-Aid and snorted Pixie Stix (did anyone else do that shit? Or were my friends and I just particularly fucked up?) and she forgot to take off her nightie and fix her hair before she showed up to the damn red carpet premiere. Because she was so fucked up on Pixie Stix.

I just don’t like her. Period.

At The Air I Breathe premiere.

Honestly, Sarah, have some respect for yourself!

Actress Sarah Michelle Gellar has changed her famous three-part moniker as a fifth wedding anniversary present to actor Freddie Prinze Jr. The couple was wed September 1, 2002.

A source close to the 30-year-old star tells Us Weekly, “She officially changed her name to Sarah Michelle Prinze” in honor of the occasion.

“On their anniversary, she showed [Freddie] her new driver’s license,” the source tells Us. “It was so sweet.”

Nah, I’m kidding. That’s kind of cute. Not so much that she changed her name, but that she got a new drivers license. I mean, when you’re willing to voluntarily deal with the DMV for someone, it’s obviously true love. Like, if my little sister needed a new kidney to survive, and someone was like, “You’re going to have to go down to the DMV and ask them for one, otherwise she’ll die,” I’d probably sit around the house and weigh the options for a bit. Like, do I really need a little sister? Plenty of people do just fine without one.

Anyway, congrats to the happy couple. Looking forward to the messy divorce!

Here’s what we’re gonna do:

We’re going to minimize every part of your chest except for your underarm fat. Then we’re going to give you a necklace to make sure that eyes are drawn specifically to that underarm fat. Underarm fat is the new thin.

Then we’re going to make you look pregnant. With septuplets.

And since we don’t have time to do your hair, why don’t you just take a bath with a plugged-in blow-dryer? That’ll create a nice effect.

Sheesh.

Yay! It appears Miss Kate Bosworth is continuing to eat like a normal human being, and she looks fantastic! It’s great to keep seeing pictures of her looking healthy and happy.

Kate showed up at the Whitney Museum’s Art Party on Wednesday night, along with many other celebs. Sarah Michelle Gellar and hottie hubby Freddy Prinze Jr were there, along with Rosario Dawson, ousted Top Chef host Katie Lee Joel, who may or may not be leaving her grandpa husband Billy, Ivanka Trump, and the always fabulous Holly Dunlap, the designer behind the celeb-favorite Hollywould brand (I imagine her outfit is from her latest collection).

Lindsay Lohan’s out of rehab and on the loose. And everyone knows the next-best thing to some Grey Goose cocktail is some Ryan Phillippe … um .. you know. [A Socialite's Life]

Sarah Michelle Gellar: pregnant or fat? [INO]

Cammy Diaz nabs herself some Tyrese. [Cele|bitchy]

Premiere becomes the latest magazine to bid adieu to its print version, plans to focus efforts on online operations. [fishbowlLA]

Hey, guess who’s still freakin’ adorable? The Jolie-Pitt family! [ICYDK]

Also cute: TomKat and Suri, back on the intramural sports circuit. [dlisted]

Courtney Love breaks the big story that there was cocaine at Paris Hilton’s birthday party. We get it, Courtney. You’re sober now. But do you really have to ruin it for everyone else? [Warship]

Tobey Maguire and Jennifer Meyer take little Ruby Sweetheart into the ocean. Nude. (She’s nude, not them.) [POTP]

Pics from Liz Hurley’s wedding. [Allie]

ScarJo puts on her very ugliest dress for the Louis Vuitton show. Hair and shoes to match. [SOW]

One billion pics from the NAACP Image Awards. [PopSugar]

Also … a VERY SPECIAL thanks to Joy A. at Pop on the Pop for giving Evil Beet a shout-out in her Mediabistro interview. We love ya, Joy, and we love reading POTP!