I mean, not door-to-door or anything, although nothing would make me happier.

Sanjaya’s going to appear in a commercial for Nationwide Insurance.

In the commercial, Sanjaya visits a wise man who tells him he needs a retirement plan — and a haircut. Ahhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha! THE WIT! Those wacky insurance ad guys! What will they dream up next? Oooh, I know! We could have Shaquille O’Neal in a commercial. And make some sort of joke about how he’s tall!

I have to hand it to Sanjaya, though — he’s managed to drag his fifteen minutes out about as long as anyone can while still clinging to a shred of dignity. I talked to a guy at the gym today who’s working on a show about Extreme Arm-Wresting. Apparently it’s like normal arm wrestling, but you can use your free hand to punch. Kicking is legal, too. When the sport initially began, they tethered the competitors’ arms together, but soon learned that resulted in too many injuries. Anyway, here the point. The star of the show? Danny Bonaduce.

Yeah.

If I’m going to go on rants about gun control, I suppose the least I can do is help you get the taste of the real world out of your mouth by posting these new photos of American Idol also-ran Sanjaya Malakar shirtless. In a lovely Spanish-style kitchen.

I just want you guys to help me think this through.

Did he set the camera up on a tripod or was there an accomplice? In any case, the words “I should take a picture of myself shirtless; someone might like that” were either spoken or, at the very least, thought. “And with what should I adorn myself and my ripped little arms for this photo shoot? Why, New Zealand boxers, of course! And bracelets! And what’s an appropriate locale for such an image? What would best work to accentuate my manly sex appeal? My mother’s kitchen, I think. With the pots and the fronds and the faux-marble counters. Oh, yes. Little girls everywhere will totally grab their pillows and masturbate to this one. For real, though, make sure you get the wall-mounted TV in the frame. I want people to be subtly reminded that I was on television once. I am a sexy, televised beast.”

Seriously. Shoot me in the head. But not with a gun; I’m currently in a guns-are-bad phase. Use an arrow or something. Or smack me over the head with a large pot. I hear there’s one in Sanjaya Malakar’s kitchen.